BellaOnline Forums Relationships Relationships anyone wana give me some advice

hello i was hoping for advice on a situation that in all honesty has turned out to be something that has got me seeking for some answer in more ways than one .my situation is that over the past year i trully belive i have fallen very deeply for a coworker i am a male 45 the lady is 33 about 2 years ago i met her we would talk and or work together occasionly etc and that was about it just regular coworkers who got along i never ever even thought about what im about to say but about 1 year ago i realized how much i trully like and adore this lady .im goin to try to keep it as short as possible so please bear with me starting last year on her bday i made her a card and got her a gift she was very thankful and liked it and on all the holidays for the last year i allways would make her a card and some sort of little gift with it on xmas i gave her a few and i still have one that she somewhat doest want to take yet and its because she said it would get her in trouble and that its to emotional .ok anyway i was told by her that she is in a relationship with another lady that lives with her now please hear me out before you think im tryn to break up a relationship i knew of this other lady but i allways thought that they were very close as friends if they are or were lovers thats something that i have been told by a mutual friend that its really not the case although i know they love each other and i have nothing against lesbian relationship
please forgive me because im trying to get out as much as possible but i cant really write well.so anyway let me say that my real first intention was to be friends with her but i cant deny i trully believe i am or should i say would love nothing more than to love her my heart litterally skips a beat in anticipation of seeing her and melts at the sight of her (and i dont mean that in a sexuall way ) this lady has made me realize emotions that i never knew existed in life her on earth .i even tryed talkin myself outta this etc but for the life of me i swear to you all i cant get over these very deep heart felt feelings i would have to say if theres a thing called real love i believe that this is it
a while back a boss of ours tried to fix us up i had no idea until the lady in question said to me that our boss had a guy for her and she told me it was me that she had in mind and she mentioned to me saying that she wasnt interested ok i let that go but i didnt really stay away from her and she never ecver gets mad at me
as time went on i asked her if we could be friends and she replied to me that she couldnt be friends with someone that has feelings for her i do understand that but that kinda came and went and then i asked her a month or 2 latter if she wanted me to stay away from her and she replied with no i dont she did say that i get to personal with her at times on another occasion because on a weekly basis because we work in such a large building and its a haseel to get you schedule and check i allways get it for her and make a copy of the schedule and give it to her.i asked her if she wanted me to stop doing that and she said no becuse it makes her feel special maybe she said that because i allways tell her shes special i really dont know
i wouls also like to say that all the cards etc never ever say i love you or anything like that i dont even sign them
but i do throw on ocasion a note to her with her schedule and it could be anything from some info on a subject or maybe just some work related stuff and she allways says jokingly i am sending/writting her love letters personally i would love nothing more than to write her one
also she has on a few ocasions asked me for help with a matter that is of interest to her one of the ocassions was very important to her with getting help for her sister who had a stroke and needed some help needless to say i did an awful lot of research for her and wrote a few letters but as the time came to talk with her it was like she didnt wana get any closer to me when i would give her a response or show her a letter that i had recieved from the state explaining how to go about it i wasnt upset or anything i just let it go at that and everything kind goes on as ussuall .now just recently i helped her with a financial situation that has been eating at her for some time i didnt go to her she came to me with an idea and i tried to show her and tell her she was making a very big mistake in what she wanted to do and what i did was show her how to get outa the situation and not cash in her 401-k but she needed a short term loan aprox 10 days so i offered to loan it to her she didnt want anyone to know about her situation becuse she felt ashamed that she got in that situation
ok so let me say starting here i was supposed to meet her to loan her the money the first time i ever was to met her ota work and she came with the mutal friend of ours and his wife and we meet had lunch talked a while
so im asking your opinion her was she to uncomfortable to meet me alone ?because she was afraid i was going to tell her how much i care for her she knows i do i cant hide it anymore i just gotta ask you ladies especially what do you think if she is not interested att all in me i believe she would make that all to clear /shes avery nice person and i know she doesnt wana hurt anyones feelings its just not her shes also a very kinda flirty /jokingly clever person and she allways joking about how i love her and im her future ex husband etc.
i dont wana make her feel funny etc its me who sometimes feels funny around her because im very shy and i dont wana say something stupid and thats because i care about her so much like when i loaned her the money it was like she couldnt understand or maybe didnt wana understand how someone could care about her she said its only been a short time since we have know each other .when she paid me back i kinda in a easy manner said to her i was hopin maybe i could get a meeting with her again and said i was just hopin maybe we could talk to each other about all those little things that people talk about like whats you faviorite music ,food etc all that real small talk that we all like to know about each other and she said to me with that big smile of hers nope
as i have gone on and on i didnt write everything in here as you can see its something thats pretty long i would love to give you every detail of it all but what was left out is nothing big if anything it would all be more about how we carry on with each other in a fun way at work

so i am asking for someont to please give me thier opinion and if you critisize me or insult me please do it with something that i can learn from
my question is do i keep hoping that maybe some day i will have a chance to show her i am for real
do i ask her again does she want me to stay away etc
and the real thing thatwill allways and is the most important to me do i tell this lady how deeply she has touched my heart and soul it may be selfish but i could not go to my grave not letting someone know how trully and sincerly they have affected my emotions to a such a deep level
my biggest fear is that i dont wana make her feel funny becuse we work together but its really taken my heart and emotion to a place i never knew existed
someone please let me know what you think
i thank all of you in advance for any and all opinions

Start out slow. Do things like ask her what her favorite color is and give her something of that color with the schedule. See how she reacts to it or just invite her out to lunch with you one day and talk with her.

Tell her that you have some feelings for her and ask her if she feels anything or if there is a chance that the friendship can grow into something more but that you are willing to take it slow.

If you two have a mutual friend, talk to that friend and tell the friend how you feel about this woman and if she might feel the same way. See if the woman has talked to the friend about you at all.

One more thing you can do is just be downright goofy and the next time you give her a note with the schedule, write on the note I like you. Do you like me? Circle Yes or No. Kind of like we did in grade school. It may get a laugh from her and could be a good ice breaker.

I am sorry but that is the best advice I can give right now. If you are really unsure, then talk to the mutual friend and see if there are mutual feelings. If there are chances are she talked to the friend or at least one of her friends.

You do have to know that office romances are very dangerous and can lead to a lot of trouble. If you did get together and then broke up for some reason, working around each other will be very uncomfortable or if she doesn't have the same feelings, it may be uncomfortable between the two of you at work as well.

Be very careful with an office romance and good luck. Iwish you all the best.

HI,
I don't want to hurt your feelings but to me it sounds like she might be trying to use you. You mentioned that she lives with another lady & they are a couple. Also, a warning sign to me was when I read that you did loan her some $. It sounds like you do alot for her. But what has she done for you? I would not give her any $. You probably won't get it back. She is also already living with a lady & in a relationship with her. That is another warning sign.

I agree with Vance that these work place relationships can bring alot of trouble into your life. I know how it is to really like someone & care about them, but to me it seems like she is giving you mixed signals. You mentioned that she said she was not comfortable being friends with you because of your feelings for her. Yet she is comfortable taking $ from you. That is another warning sign. I mean she tells you she did not want to be friends with you because of your feelings. Then when you asked her if she wants you to stay away, she told you no. She migh just want to use you for $ & what you can do for her.

Again, it does not sound like she is doing anything. for you. I know you like her alot but if i was you, I would back off. Just keep it professional & polite. Trust me there are many women who would love to have a man care about them so much. Maybe she is just getting off on all of the adoration & attention. But from reading your letter, it sounds like she is stringing you along to possibly use you.

Since she keeps giving you mixed messages then you might want to put that attention & care on a lady who would appreciate you more. You have to keep in mind that she does live with that lady & it sounds like a intimate relationship. So, she does have someone in her life already. I would not keep wasting my time & attention on some one who keeps playing games. Good luck to you. Have an nice weekend too. Judy K. Chicago.

I do agree that office romances are very dangerous. I was involved with someone I worked with for the past two years. I worked at that job for eight years and finally had to make the decision to leave because things got so bad. My advice is that if you have to try so hard to get a person's attention and do things for them, and they do not return the favor... that person may enjoy the attention, but may not actually be interested. Be strong and move on. It will save you a lot of pain. I believe that a good and healthy relationship is not just one person's strong love for another... it is actually the dynamic between two people that works. I wish you the best!

HIKellysteve,
I dont' know what is wrong, but again you are not responding to the right post & problem. I'm sure that this is confusing some people who read the posts. Noone posted about a baby & a immature father etc. Maybe you should contact 1 of the Bella online editors if you need some direction. There are also guidelines with each section to read. But you are talking about a totally different subject when you post. Judy K. Chicago.