BellaOnline Forums Relationships Domestic Violence I need help

I have been in a abusive relationship and it not normal the guy I was with put a iron to my face and told me that next time it will be hot and tied me up and threw me in a closet and locked it it took me 4 days to get away and that is because he fell asleep, he threatened my family said he would kill them and I was going to watch and said he was going to put me in a plasit bag and throw me in the river, but when I got loose I ran out the frount door and ran to the police station but while I was running this guy was trying to run me over but I got there and I went to my mothers house in a different town they got him a week later because he turned his self in and I filed charges and he went to prison but when he got out he found me and I worked over night at Wal-mart and I got a phone call from the police saying they just got a guy trying to break in to my house and for me to come home and see if I knew him because he said he was my husband and that he lived there so he went back to jail and they let him out the next day and came to my house again so everytime he did this I would file charges and he would go back to prison. He don't bother me no more but I went to threapy for a year it helped but I still get scared I still look over my shoulder but it is not as bad anymore. so you need to get away from this guy because you might not be so lucky, it is not love. but what people don't understand is that when a person is getting abused is scared to leave but they do want to it's that they don't know how. I used to be that person that said "when someone lets a guy hit them and they stay it is because they like it" but that is the case now I understand because I went though it but the police will help you and they will take you to a safe house, that is what they did for me. here is a number 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)

Hopeseries, by now I hope that you are rid of the abuser. If you are not please heed the advice of others as well as myself. I have been there and believe me it will be easier to get out now. He is working on controlling you and it will lead to breaking down your self-esteem, isolating you away from your loved ones and before it is over, will have you believing it is your fault. There are several types of abuse. The physical abuse will heal if you are lucky,the mental scars unfortunately will go with you in future relationships and if he has stolen your self-esteem and who you are, then the chances are high that you will be drawn to someone like him again. Yes it is hard, it is scary and you have to be careful how you handle the situation. Your young, love should be just the way the word sounds: Kind, respectful, patient, supportive and trusting. Be careful and good luck.

Just caught up on this thread (being a newbie). I agree with everything that has been said. Nobody can make you leave but you already have grave concerns about this guys behaviour. I guess one way of looking at it is: what would you have done if he'd acted like this on your first date? I bet you wouldn't have seen him again. That's the thing with perpetrators, they work it very well so, by the time they are at that level of abuse, the victim has already had enough self-esteem taken away from them that they don't see things quite so clearly. They often hope that the perp will return to that charming loving man he once was. This was all a charade sadly and you are now seeing him for who he really is. This is highly unlikely to change as men like this act in the way they do as they are often incapable of accepting responsibility for their behaviour.

Don't put this down to poor anger management on his part. Does he go around doing this to other people who don't listen to him? Doubtful. He's very in control of his anger and waits until he can take it out on you.

Sadly, it will get worse and your strength in leaving will diminish the more he controls you.

I truly hope you find the strength and courage to move on and find a healthy relationship where you are treated with the respect you deserve.