BellaOnline Forums Relationships Relationships Breakups

Breakups are so difficult. When you are with someone it seems that all the focus is on the negative things about that person. When you finally make that decision to end it, you sit at home alone and think about all the good things that you miss about him/her. I laid in bed until 7pm today and got up not feeling any better. I am not happy with or without him.. maybe it is me.

HI,
It is normal to feel this way. But if most of the time was not good with this person, then you did the right thing. I would need to hear more info about this. Sometimes we blame ourselves & that can be normal too. But most relationships have good & bad in them. But only you know how the balance was. Sure you will miss the person because you are used to them around, good or bad times. When a relationship or friendship would end for me, I will evaluate my part in it too. Noone is perfect. But I'm sure you had very good reasons to end it. Treat yourself very good & you will feel sad for awhile. But try to do some things that you like & talk to your other friends & family too.

Sometimes if something keeps bothering me I will make a list of the pros & cons. My daughter did this with the last bozo she was with for 2 longs yrs. That made her see it was best to break up with him. She did the right thing. Sure she missed him for awhile. Then he pulled something that left no doubt in her mind. He was very cheap through the whole relationship. She borrowed something like $25 before they broke up. He bugged her on her birthday to pay him the $ back! Everyone told her they would not pay him back. But she did because she never wanted anything to connect her to this nut anymore.

Good luck to you! I hope that things get better for you now. Judy K. Chicago.

Thanks Judy for your advice. Your daughter's ex sounded like a real jerk. I am sure that she will be better off without him. Its hard to walk away from someone that you are so used to being with. Going through so many bad relationships, its hard to believe that you will find that right person.

Thanks for listening.

Be kind to yourself, you only wanted what everyone wants : )

Nothing is forever . . .

I feel like I am being so selfish and ungrateful. I have been living all my life trying to be the better person, doing the right thing, not taking too many risks. Now, it seems like none of that is paying off. I know I am not in the worst possible position and other people have it much harder than I do. Lately, I have been so desperate for change that I quit my job of eight years. I'm probably creating more problems for myself but I just want to destroy what has gotten me nowhere and start of brand new. I want to run away from this feeling of lonliness. I want to run away from people who have hurt me...

Angel, do you have any children that are depending on you?

If the answer is no; then this is the perfect opportunity for you.

You are single, wanting to take your life in a new direction - that is not unheard of.

As long as there are no little ones in the picture that you have to take care of, then take the chance!

Go to school, try for the job that looks interesting, move to that city that you've dreamed about.

You can't run away from loneliness, but you can start in a path to a life that is more satisfying for you.

You are the one person that you will always be with, after all. So there is nothing wrong with being happy in yourself.

Angel, I know all too well how you must be feeling. It took me almost 11 years to finally admit that I was in a dead end relationship and to muster up the courage to actually do something about it.

I can't say that any part of it was easy. What I can tell you, though, is that it was worth it. It's great to be free from a toxic relationship that consumed me for far too long. Plus it served as great inspiration for my first book, which is a break up survival guide.

If you haven't had a chance to do so already, I hope you'll consider reading my article about nagging questions. Maybe it will help you find some direction.

Good luck and if there's anything I can do to help, don't hesitate to ask!

HI,
Thank you Angel, for what you said. Yes, My daughter had a few X boyfriends who were no good. I feel alot like you said you felt. About how you do the right things, get hurt & things don't work out. It will get better. Just take it a step at a time. Sometimes change is good. Some risks are good too. It all depends on the situation. Please keep us all posted & let us know how you are doing. I hope that you found another job that is better for you too. I think that many of us can get very lonely. A person can be lonely even if they have many people around.

Sometimes I don't find out or realize it right away. But once I discover that I have a toxic person in my life, I stay away from them. I had alot of experience with toxic people! Good luck to you. I do hope that you meet some nice people & your new job change works out. Best Wishes, Judy K. Chicago

Thanks Michelle and Judy for the advice!
No, I do not have any kids and everyone tells me that I am lucky that I don't have that holding me down. I'm trying to start going down a new path. I found a job in the field that I am studying and am looking forward to it. Its hard to stray away from what you know and are used to but I know it is definitely time.

I am happy that you have made the right decision. I thought it was interesting that you called the relationship "toxic" because relationships can be toxic and it takes a lot to walk away. Good luck to you!