BellaOnline Forums Relationships Bereavement Recovering from a loved one's suicide

My 36 year old brother committed suicide last week just shy of his 37th birthday on July 11, 2008. He had suffered from Bipolar Disorder and after years and years of struggling he gave up. I am beside myself and quite frankly numb. I feel like the whole thing is a dream and I am going to wake up any moment. I am really just looking for people to talk to not necessarily any answers but support as I know this is a difficult subject and most people don't know quite what to say.

I have no words that can mend your broken heart. I have a family member with Bipolar as well and I know she could make the same decision at any moment. I often think about how I would feel if such a thing were to happen with her. My heart goes out to you in your sadness and I will lift you up in my prayers. I don't know you or your feelings on scripture but I sincerely hope that you can use these words. God never promised to remove us from our trials but he did promise to go through them with us.

you are to be congratulated for reaching out. i am deeply sorry for your loss. how did you make it thru his birthday?

use the link below to contact me, and talk we will.
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PEF, my heart and prayers go out to you. This is not an easy thing to deal with and I can truly imagine your sorrow, confusion, shock and loss. My eldest brother died a little over a year ago - at the time, no words could help the deep hurt that tore me up inside and raked my heart over and over again. Jaci is right with her words of advice and encouragement. Take one step, one day at a time. One day you will find that love never dies, it just goes to a quieter place.

You are so strong to reach out for support. I admire that - that takes courage.

PEF,

I am so sorry for your loss. I also want to add, that I suffer from Depression and Bi-polar, and came very close to suicide many years ago myself. At the time it actually seemed to me that I would be helping my family - that I would be relieving them of a burden.

I was hopitalized, and talked with many others in therapy, and most other people felt the same way at the time.

So although this is horribly painful, and seems incredibly selfish of your brother - more than likely that is not the case. Bipolar clouds thinking horribly.

I'm not sure if that is a comfort or not, but I do want yoiur family to know that he did not do this with yoiur pain in mind - more than likely the opposite.

I am very sorry.

The suicide of a loved one is so hard to deal with and has touched my life a few times. My daughter also suffers from bi-polar disorder and has attempted suicide at least twice.

I had a client whose brother suffered as well with this terrible disorder. After many attempts, he was successful in ending his earthly struggle. I had finally come to apply a Mohegan Tribal belief to my life and shared it with her.

We are each born with a certain number of moons in the palm of our hand. When those moons pass, it is time for us to leave this earthly life. There are no coincedences, nor tragedies for we will pass when our tasks are completed, whether it be in 1 moon or a thousand.

This was a very hard concept for me to completely accept, and apply to my life. It took nearly 10 years. However, it was very helpful when my brother-in-law took his life 3 years ago. I had known him since 1st grade and his suicide was about the most unexpected thing I could ever have imagined.

So when a loved one passes, from whatever cause, I try my best to concentrate on what they were able to accomplish during their "moons." How many people did they help and touch? How can I keep their memory and legacy alive?

You have so many pain filled moments ahead. My sincerest hope is you will be able to concentrate on the good things in his life, and nurture those memories. Knowing a loved one's "moons" have passed certainly doesn't mitigate our pain and grief. It doesn't supply the answer for "Why" either. But it does remind me of the priviledge of having them in my life for however many moons.

When the numbness dissipates, I pray the pain which is to come will be eased with a measure of peace in that his task was completed, his mental suffering has ended, and that you definitely have the strength to carry on.

I am so sorry for your loss and want you to know I feel your pain and know only to well what you are going trough...I lost my stepfather to suicide in late 2006 and it is one of the hardest things I have ever had to deal with.He had been ill with depression and anxiety 5 years prior to him taking his own life so there are a lot of not so good memories there...But now I am starting to remember the good times as well before depression robed him of his quality of life. Sometimes the hardest thing to deal with is some peoples reactions when they learn how he died.I even had someone be so cruel and tell me my Step Dad was in hell because he killed himself. I dont believe that for a second and as for the person that said it...well it says a lot about the type of person they are.Anyway my thoughts and prayers are with you at this difficult time.Stay strong - you will get through this.

Im soooo sorry that your brother had such a struggle with his life and that you had to go through this too. My dad has Bipolar Disorder and we have had a very hard year with him. I wont go into detail about it but I feel for you. I really do. It's sooo hard, and I will be thinking about you. I know the fear - I live with it everyday... I wish you all the best... we're all here for you.

This community is such a blessing. Thanks, all of you, for stepping out to witness to PEF that when a suicide is accomplished, many die, in many ways. But hope prevails. We DO survive.

lala21, I hope you, and others, work up the courage to speak of your fears to those suffering. It could be the very thing that helps turn them around. Regardless, you'll be glad later that you did, rather than forever wondering if you should have.

freespirit, thanks for bringing up the horrible things some people say. they said your stepdad was in hell. when someone says that, tell them that only God can judge. we have to prepare ourselves to see Hitler in Heaven, along with the person who said dad went to hell!

on the other hand, what was said to any of you that helped? we can all use that information, God forbid.

Jaci

Hi Jaci... The person who told me my step dad was in hell is a "christian" and I use that term lightly. Since I dont believe in a heaven or hell it did not greatly affect me.What did was the persons "intentions" by making such a statement.
I guess some of the things people have said that have helped is that he is no longer suffering and that he is now at peace.