BellaOnline Forums Religion and Spirituality Buddhism Go 21 Days Without Whining

These are great ideas, but we must be aware that if someone puts us into a frame of mind, it's only because we have let them do so.
Nobody can choose the way we feel, respond and react, but us.
So when I too was habitually confronted by someone whose constant griping was doing much to undermine general feeling throughout the office, I made sure that every time she said something negative, I responded with something to indicate how positive I felt. Pretty soon, this person literally had nowhere to go, because she could neither demolish my positive reply, nor 'feed off' my good energy, because I never gave her a way in.....

That's an awesome point Alexandra. Negative people often want attention or validation of their complaint. If you keep positive, it defuses their attempts

Now of course if it's a valid complaint I would help them find a positive way to solve the issue

I complained about the heat yesterday. It just fell right out of my mouth with no pre-thought involved!

I whined, "it's soooo hot!"

Then, ooops, so I moved my bracelet.

I keep skimmiung yhis topic - and would love to join in, yet there are so many "tragedies" going on in my life right now - I don't thinkj I could gon10 minutes much less 10 days qithiout complaing.

I would love to get to thgat point of peacen in my famioly - but we have way too many physicalnand psychological problems to work out at thsis timel

I WANT the Buddhidst peace - but it seemes nowhere within my grasp just now.

The universe seemes to bo conspiring against me inthe other direction!!!

Michelle, i think the purpose of the exercise is mainly to increase awareness of what we say. So you may as well put on some kind of bracelet or rubber band and give it a shot. There is no 'failure' here. it's about paying more attention to our speaking patterns/habits.

I have noticed that I am starting to say things like i normally do, and end up stopping, then trying to re-phrase things from the other way of looking at them.

So instead of saying, "darn our poodle's fluffy head looks silly," I said instead, "I think I can get out a scissors tonite and make Maru's head look neater."

I am just *used* to saying things in a complaint-ey way. But I can change this habit. That's what i am working on.

Now, for your situation, you have some serious issues that are ongoing right now. That makes it harder. But you can still at least decide to *notice* how you phrase things. SO instead of, "Our child is never going to be self-sufficient," you can notice what you were going to say and think about how to make it a way to attract better energy into your life.

Then say something like, "I am committed to helping my child find ways to be self-sufficient."

According to the book about complaining, this way you are inviting God/the Universe to send positive solutions your way and that you will have the eyes/mindset/inner wherewithal to notice when they arrive.

Michelle - I definitely agree with Jill here. This is NOT about being in a place of peace and then commenting on and enjoying the peace. It is precisely about being in a place of angst and trouble - and realizing that you can make a difference there. It is probably MORE important to learn to take control in that trouble atmosphere. The way you react to things right now then causes others around you to react too. If you can find a way even to change 1/10th of your comments right now - and phrase things positively - it could have a HUGE ripple effect on the way things go. I really really recommend it and we can do everything in our power to help you out!!

Yep, we are all here for mutual support!

I have to laugh at myself. I went a week at first without complaining and now I can't get through a day. It amuses me. It's like my complaining mode/inner whiner realizes I am "on to it" - it now tries to get me to say things so quickly that I don't even have time to stop them before they fall out of my mouth!

The books talked about setbacks after a bit of success, so I am happy to be noticing my words at least. I had no idea before this just how many negative things I thoughtlessly say.

It's like picking up a penny from the ground. I always pick up pennies. I figure if God is going to send me free money, it would be rude to turn it down because the amount is too small.

So to bring this together, I also figure that if I can say more positive than negative things that I am saying to God, "yes, i am open to good things happening to me and will be better at noticing them when do they show up."

How cool, Jilly.

I always pick up pennies,too. Once, I had just started a new job (well, a few months before) and went out to lunch with some coworkers and the boss. We were leaving the restaurant and I bent over and picked up a dime from the parking lot and my boss who is a few steps ahead of me turns around as I'm standing back up and asks "Deborah, did you just pick up something?"

I said, "Um, yep, it was a dime," a bit embarrassed at having been caught at it. "Is that terrible?" I asked. He said "Not at all, I'm just surprised that I walked over money." Meaning, he usually picks up money, too. I was so relieved! LOL--it was funny, but you know, you just never know what people think.

I've seen people drop change before & act as if it's just not worth the bother to pick it up. Money is money to me. And, I do get a little "happy" when I find some. It's a gift from heaven.

There is an adage that states:
keep your friends close.
Keep your enemies closer.

This can mean many things but one of the essential lessons is that, by keeping our enemies close, we are less likely to be seduced by all things placid, peaceful and positive.
'Keeping our enemies closer' enables us to stay on our toes, be ever mindful, watchful and aware.

So although we are all mutually supportive - and this IS of primary importance - it's only by permitting yourself to observe attentively, the crud you are living in, that you really learn to build up resilience, discernment and Compasssion. Both for yourself, and others who might be experiencing similar things.
Michelle, I have known wonderful times of great peace, laughter, joy and happiness. I have known Life on an even and buoyant keel.
But I have also known depths of utter despair, bleakness, loneliness and seeminly endless misery....
And much as I felt uncomfortable in the depths of my suffering, were I able now to change any of it, I wouldn't alter a single second. Not a one.
because it was during those times that my Parctice and devotiuon to my path were tested to their limit.
And I never found The Buddha, the Dhamma or the Sangha wanting, in any way.
They proved themselves to be my rock, my fortitude and my constant.
It is only by applying ourselves in the worst of times, that we can really appreciate, unclinging, the best of times.

I hope you manage to exercise fortitude, stoicism and resilience. I hope your troubles fade and disappear very soon.
With much Metta and Karuna to you.

It's funny how we all think about things differently - when I find pennies and things lying on the ground, I move them to somewhere easier to get to. So for example we were on a midnight run at WalMart for something and there was a penny in the aisle, so I picked it up and put it on a nearby counter so that someone else could get to it more easily. I think of it as seeding the world with easier to get to wealth