BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids tired of being a fencesitter....

hey everyone, maybe you could help me out with this. i am a fencesitter as some of you may know. but i'm really getting sick of it. i don't think that i will want kids, its only been in the past few years that i started considering being CF. i am 24 years old, me and my husband have been married for five years. he doesn't really want to have kids at all. i am still confused. but i am really sick of being on birth control. my husband says if i really don't want to have kids, he'll just go and get a V. right now i am considering that, but i'm still not sure. i keep thinking what if i do end up changing my mind? i've never really had a desire for children, i just figure that's what most people do. so i am wondering if any of you have been through this before. what age were you when you really made the decision permanent? and how did you go about the decision and make it on your own? there are way more reasons why i would not want to have kids than there are reasons why i'd want to. so the decision seems like it would be an easy one to make, but i'm totally torn!

Hmm, that's a tough one.

I never really wanted children, never even thought they were cute or attractive except for a couple months when I was 20; and that was for very very bad reasons. (emotionally abusive relationship; it was a "what if" that might force him to treat me better, which as we all know is WRONG) Other than that, I was never in a position to have kids until I hit my early 30s.

For me, it was a decision I made around the age of 28; I had a career and lifestyle I loved, and I couldn't see adding a child. I was single with no prospects. After that, I made sure to let every man I dated that I was not interested in having children. As I've gotten older, I like having the freedom to go where I want whenever, and having the disposable income. As I'm getting older, I'm moving into the automatic high-risk category for pregnancy, and there's family history of difficulty. Plus, I don't want to be raising kids into my 50s, and helping them on into my 70s like my MIL and my parents did.

DH and I finally made the decision permanent a couple weeks ago; we're 36 and 33 respectively.

I was 27 when I decided and 32 when I had my tubes tied.

From what I hear, the toughest part about making the decision permanent is finding a doctor who will do it when you're so young.

Did anyone else experience this?

I'm 33 and STILL on the pill. Just a few days ago I was talking with my husband about having my tubes tied. The only thing holding me back is not wanting to go through another surgery. If there was a pill I could take that would dissolve my uterus, I'd take it!!! :-)

Kim

Kim Kenney
Married No Kids Editor

When I was actually...Fourteen. I made the decision to be CF, and I never was maternal or intersted in babies or raising a family. And I eventually was able to get sterilized(Essure).

Really, it is a big decision, so I think you should carefully think about if you really want to be CF. I had a good friend who was CF, but when she got pregnant through a broken condom, she was [almost] forced into keeping the kid from both her boyfriend and family. Long story, short, she left him and got an abortion. She thought the guy was CF, too..So I think you might want to have a long talk with your husband about it.

If you guys want further info on this, check out No Kidding! website. The founder and many other members have discussed their decision in articles on the site www.nokidding.net. He also discusses the problems he had finding a doctor to do a vasectomy on him at a young age (25 I think).

Like TrishInNC I always knew I didn't want kids and have never found them to be cute or fun to be around. It was always a problem dating guys when I was in my 20s because they all wanted kids eventually and nobody could believe I didn't want any. When I met my husband I was 28 and had no problems telling him about it up-front. Despite being from a large family, he's fine with not having kids himself. We've now been together 7 years and married 5, and never really looked back on the decision.

However, iandysgrl, nobody can force you to decide either way. Read as many articles as you can, talk to as many CF people as you can as well as parents. Ultimately you have to decide which horn of the dilemma to impale yourself on! lol