BellaOnline Forums Religion and Spirituality Spirituality So what am I?

I'm in a bit of a spiritual crisis.

I don't believe in a personified God or Goddess, but I also don't believe that once we die that's it and there's nothing else.

I think that people should take full responsibility for there own lives and actions and not blame or give credit to anyone or anything else.

I believe that we're all connected in some way and that there's no such thing as mere coincidence, but there's no divine puppet master making things happen for us.

I've gone from one extreme to another in my spiritual beliefs, but right now, I feel like the needle of my compass is spinning wildly like I'm going through the Bermuda Triangle!

Any suggestions?

Michele

I can totally relate to what you describe but honestly, to me it sounds more like a blessing than a crisis.

Basically, you have made up your own mind about what you do or don't believe and don't seem to be terribly afraid of modifying those beliefs as your perspective and understanding evolves. That is truly a beautiful thing!

My suggestion is that you worry less about labeling yourself one way or the other and instead focus on what forces may be compelling you to feel so lost at the moment. Perhaps there is a new lesson to be discovered?

Essentially, what you are is a human being on a personal quest for truth and meaning. It is a road you will never travel alone so go ahead and get lost! Sometimes it takes getting really lost before you can begin to find your way...

It appears to me that you are in a very spiritual and enviable place. Many have their various deities that help to empower that person but in finality what is within you is the greatest power in the universe. I will probably cause some ill feelings with others here and my ancestors would tell me to just be quiet but you are so close to reality that I will share. I believed in the power of the Great Mother to help me past my difficulties in life. I was told even as a small child that eventually she would push us one by one out of the nest. Sorry Grandma! I now realize that there is no one above me to forgive, comfort, heal, or to give me strength. It is all within me. The Alpha, the Omega, eternity, and life forever resides within. This is the greatest of secrets that I found out; If I do pray to or try to crawl under a deity today I have to retreat into a very low place because I am trying to tap into a source that I have grown past. We have the right to take comfort from any source that we need, of all people I do understand that but in finality who we really are has been hidden from us for centuries. Do you really think that those in power in todays world are going to want us to know that? All of a sudden they themselves would become no better, or worse for that matter, than any of the rest of us. How empowering for all of us would that be. I have just opened up myself for attack but oh well, what the hell do I know and who cares, although maybe I am not alone? Blessed Be.

you are human! that hasnt changed at all. I would not worry about what label to put on yourself. the label is not as important as finding the truth what ever that maybe. I have found that if I truly believes something with all my heart I will life that belief and people who believe the same way will gravatate to me.
I know I ask people on bella what they believe because I dont see them face to face or interact with them in person but in person I rarly ask what someone believes or what church they go to. I can judge for myself if they are a good person or not and I can tell what they believe in. someone can say they are a catholic christian wiccan musilim or anything else and it means nothing if there action dont show that they believe that way...forgiven, backslide, preacher, teacher or otherwise!!!

the most impostant thing is to find what you believe and know why you believe that way and then LIVE that way!

We all open ourselves up to attack once in awhile, but, like I said before: we always reach that place in life when we can relax and say, "I am comfortable with who I am and what I believe regardless of what anyone else thinks." We each have our God within or our Higher Self to rely on. Blessed are those who feel comfort and are at peace with who they are!

Michele,

Kristina has said it beautifully! Be at peace with yourself.

I actually agree with ancientflaxman about those in power not wanting us to know that all we really need is within ourselves. That's what has really gotten me down against organized religion. If you really think about it, it's pretty clear that it's all about controlling the masses through and not so much about saving your soul. If your good, you'll go to Heaven. If you don't behave, your going to Hell. So don't be a good person just because it's the right thing to do. Do so because a threat is hanging over your head.

Where I'm at doesn't feel so enviable, though. Where I live, I'm surrounded by conservative christians. There's a Baptist church around every corner and the big field trip that everyone is excited about is to the Creationist Museum. I feel self-conscious whenever someone asks me what church I go to (which people actually ask a lot around here). One lady actually asked me flat out if I believed in Creationism or Evolution. So, I see what you all mean by being comfortable with my own personal beliefs and don't worry what anyone else thinks......it's just a little tough.

I'm not really one for labels either, but occasionally I play around with them, specifically because they don't exactly fit me properly. Theoretically I sway between agnostic and pantheist or pagan, but I don't choose to believe in deities.

Recently I've been playing with a term I think I might have invented : "panatheist" (ie pan-atheist or pantheist without the theism ) because I believe there is a guiding force that runs through the universe and permeates everything, much like electromagnetism, thermodynamics, or gravity, but I don't believe that this force is the same thing as "god". I do believe that this is the "power within" all of us.

Since we are all connected atomically, I believe we are "recycled" when our bodies die, and that the electric signals of our minds/thoughts/memories are always available in the ether as part of our elemental self (or "higher" self). I've had the great pleasure of meeting my higher self during meditation sessions, or sudden lightbulb moments, and since that time I have been able to love and accept myself much more easily because I've shown myself my purest side - the part of me that is unharmed and untainted by negative earthly experiences. It gives me a lot of confidence to hold that idea of who I really am deep down (or high up), and try to present that to the world without any fear of damaging it. It can't be touched.

But that's just me.

Elle, that is a great new term!

I really love your description of the real you and how you aren't afraid of allowing it to be vulnerable to the world. What a beautiful and inspiring concept!

Thanks Kristina. It's still something I have to work on, but I'm really starting to make good progress. It's easier to remember when I'm safe and in a beautiful place; a lot harder if I'm walking alone at night somewhere!