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Joined: Apr 2007
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Thank you, everyone for your responses. You've given me a lot to think about.

S, by the way, called me up to offer a small job with her mother... so that was a gesture of good will. I still don't know what i think, yet.

Nadaurz you said something about at different times you could have either been S or me, and that got me thinking about how i'd want to be treated if roles were reversed, and i'd want to be given a second chance if i were sincere. I don't think i'm going to try to fix things with S, but i don't think i'm going to shut the door, either. I think i'll just wait and see what develops.

I don't remember who said it, but you're right... friendships are precious.

msbaby - Have you ever told your friend that you'd like to feel she's there for you too?

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Gecko
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Originally Posted By: hollyelise

msbaby - Have you ever told your friend that you'd like to feel she's there for you too?


You know, I've been giving this some thought and I came to the conclusion that the very fact that I have not felt that I could comment openly on the problem in our relationship is an excellent indicator that the friendship is not a healthy one and perhaps distance is the only answer to the problem.

Then again, when it comes to the old "fight or flight" thing, I've always been prone to fly rather than to do battle.






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I think Kristina nailed it when she used the word "toxic."

It's important to remember that people can be just as dangerous to your health as chemicals and bad habits!

I recently "cleaned house" of all the toxic people in my life. Especially the emotional "vampires" that try to drain you of your energy with all of their baggage.

I feel better and now don't have to screen my phone calls!

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Gecko
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gorgeousred when you mentioned screening your calls that really rings a bell with me. One of the downsides of joining any group, club, activity or organizations is that you inevitably come in contact with people that don't want to respect boundaries.

For instance, there was a local gardening group that I thought that I would enjoy so I went to a few meetings. I enjoyed the meetings and the speakers were well informed, but in between the meetings the calls from the other mothers that were involved began to be too much. I suppose that they thought since I have three little girls that I'd be interested in a never ending stream of playdates and clubs.

I finally came to the conclusion that I prefer hearing about gardening, connecting with other parents etc. on forums because forum friends are there when you can enjoy them. That may sound selfish, but I give my old, faithful friends the attention they deserve and I can't get my housework done if the telephone is ringing all day with calls from (I'm sure they are well-meaning) strangers. The good thing about the net is that I can jump on the forums when the babies are napping or when I have a few minutes.

Getting back to the topic of toxic friendships, how do you prune them back? Just stop answering the phone? Do you stop sending Christmas and birthday cards and hope they get the message? What are the guidelines for breaking off a friendship that has begun to drain your energy and gives no joy in return?

How do you get rid of poisonous friends in such a way that you don't cringe when you meet them in the aisles of the grocery store?




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Looking back at past comments on this topic of �Difficult Friendships� makes one consider what a True Friend really is. Have a look at this article - Do You Have Any True Friends?

* Would you be able to answer that honestly?
* How many True Friends would you say you have?

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Quote:
. Both friends have to give up completely for the friendship to die. So if a friendship dies, it really is because both halves decide to give up for whatever reason.


How can this be so? When a friend 'breaks up' with me, I need to respect that and not push myself on them. That is the best way to love them, I think.

Jilly #669208 03/11/11 04:54 AM
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Originally Posted By: Jilly
Quote:
[quote=Lisa LowCarb / VideoGames]...Both friends have to give up completely for the friendship to die. So if a friendship dies, it really is because both halves decide to give up for whatever reason...
How can this be so? When a friend 'breaks up' with me, I need to respect that and not push myself on them. That is the best way to love them, I think.
Hi Jilly, Lisa's quote is about friendship dying completely. I agree with you that if someone �breaks up� with you, it�s really important to respect that and give them the space they need. More often than not, they come back to you when the time is right for THEM. Time also helps them to appreciate the 'true' friendship they had with you. (JOY)

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