BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Need advise on something to care for

Hi Jilly,

I'm sorry you are being put in this position of having to consider giving up your dog. I know if my (hypothetical) husband asked me to give up my (hypothetical) cat that I had had for 8 years, I know I'd be pretty upset myself.

Let's see if we can help Jilly to deal with this instead of bashing her husband - or her feelings about her dog. BellaOnline is about helping with their problems, giving support, lending a listening ear. Sometimes, we can't help someone out very much, but we can listen and offer some support.

Oh, gods no, my dog will go to my friend Chris who has been asking/begging for Frodo for years. He is the one who always watches Frodo when we go traveling. They totally love each other. There was never a question of a 'shelter' in this scenario.

So, you'd be able to visit Frodo every once in a while or at least get reports about him?

Oh, and the other dog isn't going anywhere - he's staying. Dan says I can find a nice submissive second dog, but I am wondering if it's even a good idea to have dogs around someone who doesn't like them?

Right, Frodo will be a part of my life. Which will be hard also. But I think a better solution.

Oh well then By all means give your friend the dog because you will still be able to visit and then when you go to buy a new one still take your hubby with you to be in on the buying process and it will mean more to him if he is in on the whole process from helping to pick one out to helping pay for it.

Also, I apologize if my posts sounded like they were bashing your husband because that was not my intention. I wasn't trying to bash anyone. I mean you know the situation better than we do but it throws people for a loop when you say that he gave you an "It's either the dog or me" ultimatum. It may have been said jokingly or whatever and then you say he'd have been an awful father and you said it without any smilies or anything so emotions are hard to read on a computer screen without little emoticons and things.

Hi Jilly

Taking this outside the (dog) box a bit... How about a hamster or a rabbit? With a hamster, especially, you could have it in its cage in the corner of a room where it won't bother Dan, but when you're feeling the need to play and cuddle you can take it into another room and again Dan doesn't need to be involved.

Both hamsters and rabbits are very clean animals. A Guinea pig is another option. These are very passive pets, and as long as you give them enough exercise when you do play with them, and give them plenty of toys and hiding places, you can keep them securely in their cage when you can't give them attention.

Right, Frodo was in the scene before he was, so it was always my dog and they never bonded. Not in six years. And while I was just traveling for a week, I came home and Dan said, "I just can't live with this dog anymore."

I had a feeling it was coming. So much of our conversation centers on how much he doesn't like Frodo. First Frodo can't come into his office. Then he can't sleep with us. Next he doesn't want him on the porch. All we do is argue about all this. He will have a real life with Chris. Chris adores him, carries him around like a purse all day, sleeps with him, takes him everywhere.

Vance, I think you are totally right about Dan needing 'buy-in' on the dog seeking. We will look for the shyest little dog in the shelter, someone who probably would not have been adopted.

Elle, that is not a bad idea. Let me think about that. We have a large house and could make a very nice enclosure. And then Dan would not have to have a dog underfoot.

He's just not an animal person. And yes, Vance, he would not make a good dad, but he is the first to admit that one. (note emoticon)
Since I do not want children it works out fine for me.

Personally, I don't think you should give up having dogs - because it will always be in your mind that you gave them up for him, even though you didn't want to.

This sounds silly, but seriously have you watched any of those Dog Whisperer shows? That guy can really control dogs, just by learning how to communicate with them as the "pack leader."

I wonder if your DH would be willing to learn and use some of the techniques to establish his role in the household more? He might even like it!