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Any other mothers of the groom out there? I would love to share ideas and experiences as we prepare to let go of the hands of our boys (now men) and watch as they join their hands with the women they have pledged their love to.

Hi new here.
I have a MOG question that maybe you can help me with. My son has just got engaged and the bride to be and FMOB has already start shopping and has purchased a bridal gown. They tell me that I am not allowed to see it (even photos) until the day of the wedding. I have never heard of such before. I know the groom is not supposed to see the bride dressed in her gown until the ceremony but the grooms mother not seeing the gown before the wedding date is preposterous! Please help me understand this. The wedding is set for next April.

I threw a bridal shower for a friend of mine and her FMIL was there. She told us about her experience at a store.

She was looking for a nice dress to wear and was kind of expecting and hoping for a little VIP (of sorts) treatment. She was told flat out by the manager of the department that Mothers of the Groom don't count.

SAYS WHO? Are the brides going to stand at the altar all by themselves? Where would they be if it weren't for the groom?

I hope to stir up trouble here and make a whole new arena for wedding people. They need to count the Grooms family as well!!!

I think that manager must have had a bad MIL herself, but she sure doesn't know how to sell! She needs a tuneup on sales methods and etiquette.

I wonder if your son maybe has been teasing his fiancee about trying to fins out what her dress looks like?

Some people can be very superstitious about these things. So maybe she's just carrying the "groom can't see the gown until wedding day" to the next level (involving his whole family) in order to make sure he has nbo clue as to what she'll look like.

I will say in all my years of helping with weddings - very few times has the MOG been involved in choosing the wedding gown. So that part is really not an insult. It is usually only the bride's mother and maybe MOH that help with that task.



This, however is preposterous! Like one of the other posters said, that salesperson needs to go back to class.

The MOG will usually try to coordinate or accent with the bridal party and overall color theme of the wedding. She wuite often is involved in lighting a unity candle, pictures, etc - so of course her dress should be special!

Since my own mother didn't want to be involved in my wedding, it was my dear mother-in-law who took me fabric shopping, helped me choose the right fabric, and saw early sketches of the design. Had there been time, she would've seen me fit the dress too, but that worked out differently because the dressmaker just finished sewing on the nose. She and my sister-in-law came to see me while I was dressing. My mother didn't see the dress until I walked down the aisle.

I was only curious and excited about seeing what she had chosen, not that I wanted any say in the decision. Anyway if that is what her (actually her mothers) wishes are then I will have to abide by them. I just didnt' see any harm in seeing the gown before hand. As far as my son getting that info out of me, he is not the type that would even ask, and if he did I would not tell. I have politely offered my assistance on other ways I can help but am finding that I just need to butt out and leave it all up to them.

There is an old Southern Adage - "Wedding and Funerals bring out the Best and the Worst in families"

Helping with weddings for over 25 years, I can personally vouch for its truthfulness. I've been in the midst of some very "nasty" wedding preparations. Usually, the individual(s) who are most concerned with maintaing wedding tradition and decorum, are generally the ones who act inconsiderately. This can be intensified if the bride or groom are the 1st of their siblings to get married, and their family has never participated in wedding preparations before.

This might apply to your situation. Parents of the bride, especially 1st time MOB's and FOB's, tend to get very emotional. This in no way is less than the emotions of the parents of the groom. But it's somehow different sometimes. However, this lack of consideration and geniality can come from either side of the bridal party.

We're each individuals, and handle the enormous stress of planning a wedding in our own way. Sometimes, our personal way of handling stress, or our personality when under stress will clash and actually create more stress. This can be further magnified when there is a "perceived" inequity between the 2 families. "Perceived Inequities" can be varied and completely obtuse, such as Northern Family vs. Southern Family, More Wealthy vs. Less Well Off, Parents Married vs. Parents Divorced. It could be the least little thing, you would never even think of.

My suggestions are not easy, but well worth a try. Step back for a minute and make a mental assessment of the Bride's Mother's emotional status, her actions and attitude. This can help you in determining a positive way to reach out to her, so she won't feel threatened. Of course, you're not being the least bit threatening, you just want to be included a bit and to help out. However, she may be perceiving this differently.

Another course would be to go to the bride directly and privately. Tell her you realize how much needs to be done, and ask if there is any little thing you can do to help her and her mother out. If you are granted a "task" make sure to get the Bride and her mother's approval before the "task" is completed and finalized. This will prevent them from feeling like you are "taking something over."

I know how "petty" this all sounds. But somehow that's the nature of the beast in this wedding planning thing. I'm hoping your future daughter-in-law will get a wedding consultant as the date draws near. Someone skilled in dealing with this type of "pettiness" could be valuable in the families working together and in heading off stressfull situations.

If all else fails, just remember you will get through this, and I'm certain your son and his bride will have a beautiful wedding. Editing is the key - edit out the not-so-good from your memory, and preserve the wonderful.

My MIL was, and has continued to be, great. We were on a budget so when I was rolling all the silverware into napkins and putting on napkin rings, and filling the "rice" baggies (Do you know how cheap you can get tulle circles if you make your own bags!), she and her step daughter came over to help. She even brought food!

And since she had been a waitress way back in the day she knew a great way to fold the napkins to make them look "pretty".

With her, my sil, my bridesmaids, my sisters and my mom we had a total girl-fun work day. I just remember thinking it was like a "Seal of approval" of me as a future wife for her ONLY SON that she would be so willing to help out and go the extra mile. She drove 2 1/2 hours to come to my house and help out.

Angela <><