BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids What has happened to our forum?

I don't know how many of you are aware that if you click the "Active Topics" link in the bar near the top, you get a preview of what the first few sentences are in any given forum that have recently been posted in. Sometimes this may catch the attention of someone because there is an offensive word or comment to start the post off. This leads child-loving people in here to this forum thus may start a confrontation. For the past, oh, 3 or 4 months, I have not clicked on that active topics link like i used to because this forum in my opinion was getting ridiculus and there were posts that were seriously making me upset. So instead of coming in here, I avoided every forum except the ones I write for. I am sure I missed out on a lot of valuable talks on other forums just because I wanted to avoid this one. This forum has great potential for non-parents and even parents but some of the people who post here seem so hateful towards parents and children. I have tried to post here and engage in intelligent conversations with folks but most of the time I was attacked.

I hope this forum succeeds for the simple fact that everyone, regardless of their life choices and lifestyles, needs to have a special place to vent, relax and give/receive support of like-minded others. And for those who like to come here just to enjoy reading or commenting should understand that this is a forum for people who choose to live their life "child-free" - and, as with all forums at BellaOnline, it is not a place to come and condemn anyone.

Freespirt, I do enjoy reading many of your posts in this and other forums and think it is admirable of you to listen to others and try to communicate openly. It shows honesty, an open-mind and the ability to mediate.

I do agree with Jase, that the term "breeder" is offensive, extremely offensive, to people who choose to have children. I have children and grandchildren and to be referred to as a "breeder" is very hurtful and anger provoking. A "breeder", to my way of thinking, is a person in the business of "animal husbandry". However, I have learned that everyone has their own way of identifying and putting labels on others and if a certain post bothers or upsets me, I now know it is wise to not go there.

( this is just my feelings on the whole thread. i am not pointing fingers, just jotting down how i feel we should all treat each other in the forums. this is not a response to anyone in particular)

Eh, I don't feel offended by the name 'breeder'. There are too many real issues in the world to worry over, if we become offended by each and every word out there that people use to describe something, eventually we will wear ourselves out.

I've stated it before, I am not CF. Heck, my kids act like little brats at times, when they do, I take them out of the area where they act up, period.

That being said, this area is for those who choose to be CF to relax and share support or rant to others who share their view. I do not think that anyone who is not CF has a right to come in and tell CF'ers how they should think or carry themselves in their forum.

If someone who was CF came into a parenting forum and began to attack CH (child having) people, it would not be tolerated.

While I agree that there should be a standard of conduct, it should span all of the forums, not just this one. Cursing should be kept to a bare minimum, offensive and insulting names should not be used except in PM (er, not to insult each other, but in context).

If I can't stand the heat, so to speak, I won't go in the kitchen. If a conversation has nothing to do with me, I have no right to put down the ones involved. (this comment is not aimed at anyone here, but for anyone who may have ideas about coming in and attacking in a post not meant for them. i apologize iff it looks as if I am attacking phyllis' post, not at all!)

Hi, I just found this website and forum. I am estatic to find a place where I can talk about my decision to remain childless without being judged or someone telling me I will change my mind.

I just turned 35 and I've been married almost 3 years. My husband and I are increasingly fielding those "So when are you guys having kids?" questions.

HamptonJP - welcome to our forums! We are quite happy to have you here.

Yes, while it is normal (and usually encouraged) for single people not to have kids, it is almost immediate when you settle into a long term relationship with someone. Family and friends immediate start to look at you as potential parents.

I have been a domestic partner of my boyfriend for 13 years now. He is an only child. Therefore, pretty much from the first day of us living together, his mother started with the hints. I do have a child from my previous marriage (back when I was 18) but that really doesn't change anything. Family and friends all assumed my partner and I would have kids, since otherwise my partner's family line would die out. He is extremely intelligent so they also feel it's a "waste" that he's not passing that along.

I have learned many coping techniques along the way and am very happy to share them. Most of our friends are child free.

But he was very firm right from the start that our relationship would not include children.

childfree people were offended? Were they the kind of CF people that parent-please? As in "don't say that!! I LIKE KIDS I'm not HATEFUL like you!" Because I've run into CF people like that, they are sometimes fencesitters or get very sensitive about what the militant Cfers say beacuse they want parent approval of their choice. I am honest, if a person has 4 kids and because they wanted a son but kept getting girls, that's a breeder. If a person KNOWS they cannot afford children yet but have them anyway that's a breeder. If a person flips a coin to decide to keep a baby, that's a breeder. If a person wants kids beacuse all their friends have them, that is a breeder. If someone has a kid but then uses their parents as babysitters all the time so they can carry on living their "old life" and party and have fun well that's a breeder too. Breeders exsist, breeders are not rare, breeders are comman , they are clearly iresponsibile people but they STILL harp on us to join the breeding bregade despite the obvious fact they gave children no real thought.

The CF people who don't like the name breeder then can call those people bad parents or iresponsible parents , and there are a hell of a lot of bad parents in this world. But humans breed, like cows , like dogs, like fish, we breed , we are no different , I have no idea what's so offensive about that, millions and millions of people give birth all the time, it's called breeding , we aint special. And yes Cf people makes bad choices too, however we don't make the mistakes at the expense of a human being ,being born, I really think a human being cannot be born as a mistake or a regret or unwanted, it's just not right.

I've met good parents but I've seen and met my share of breeders, I've seen horrific stories of breeders on the news , I've read and seen kids suffering because their parents changed heir minds about wanting kids. It's just really bad. I never knew why we got told to calm down really, the fact we get ANGRY at kids getting mistreated or raised terribly shows we don't accept it and want it to change (that's GOOD). The only way that'll happen is to not have this insane expectancy in our society where we all have to reproduce, and how can we do that? By allowing the side who has negetive opinions about kids and having children speak out, so people can actually make a proper decision instead of constantly being told how "great it is" without being told the honest aspects of kids. By allowing Cf people to rant and vent and be honest and call people out on this iresponsibility ,people can actually THINK before they choose to make a human being.

Mean - I realize you feel strongly about this, and we accept that! Taking a step back, remember we have visitors from all over the world, with a wide variety of cultural upbringings.

For example, if you were brought up in New York City you are often brought up to be loud and proud with your opinions and consider anything else to be wrong. However, if you were brought up in Alabama you could be raised to believe that discussions should be quiet, respectful, and done with tact.

I fully accept that you feel the way you do. That is fine! Please do consider that many millions of people from other parts of the world from you may have quite a different take on what is "appropriate discussion".

Please going forward try to express those same thoughts - while using words that do not offend those other people. Those others still want to participate in this forum too.

I'm CF and I don't like the term breeder. I understand the distinction and why it is used, I just prefer using bad or irresponsible. But there are a lot of words I don't say, my dad always had an issue with saying "i'm [censored]" or "it sucks" so I always feel wierd when people say that in front of their kids or their parents.
However I do think that we Cfers need a place to complain. If the language is appropriate I don't see why we can't come here to vent about the problems we face or articles we read. Because often we don't have people in our lives that would not get offended by our opinions. And unless I'm mistaken I think this is still allowed, it's just the word choice.

Yes right exactly Taitinfae We all need support and help so we can deal with the issues in our lives!

I know many people who do not like "[censored]" as a word, and I can certainly understand why! So I respect that when I talk around them.

I haven't been on this forum for awhile but if I'm understanding this correctly (after reading all the posts), we CFers have to try not to offend parents??? My favorite site is now having to, not only be politically correct, but avoid offending people who the forum isn't even designed for? Say WHAT?