BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Child-free beliefs showing up in hobbies?

Hi everybody...sorry, I tried to type a longer more understandable subject line and it wouldn't let me go very far.

Before I ask my question let me tell you all what's making me ask it. In my free time, I love to write romance stories...usually shorter, but can be up to novel length. In all of them, the man and woman involved are either child-free, or they decide on it, OR the conflict of the story is that one wants kids and the other doesn't. I've written over 30 of these things so they all have individual storylines, but in them all this one detail is the same. With me, I could never write a story where a couple has a kid and they both are happy about it. I was wondering if any of you have sort of the same feelings about that--whether it be in writing, art, choice of movies to watch, etc.?

Another thing is that certain movies that revolve around kids even the slightest bit turn me off so bad I can't see them. I saw Shrek and Shrek 2 and loved them, but I'm sure you all know the third one has kids in it (even though they're not really human) and I hated the fact that they just had to do that. I never saw the third Pirates of the Caribbean movie because of the post I read on here with the ending. It even bothers me that Ice Age (the first one) revolves around a kid, although I can watch that movie.

I'm sure some of you like doing things outdoors or sports-type hobbies...does being child-free interfere with any of it?

Just an interesting question I thought of that I didn't think had been asked before on this forum. Does anyone else have conflicts like this with things or am I just crazy?

I crochet and bead jewelry in my free time. I find doing baby aftacains and cloths is really hard for me and I cant ever finish the projects because people always assume that I am going to have a baby or I am trying to have one.... Even when I was in Jr High school! I have stoped trying to work on baby anythings as far as crochet goes... on the other hand with my Beading I can whip out a necklace or braclet for a baby and everything is fine.

I use to write poems and short stories, though I am not published or anything like that, I never could get the happily babied everafter in there. I think it is because I dont understand it. I did write one story that had the man and woman who found a young girl abused and homeless and they adopted her. I can relate to adopting a child that has no one and no where to go better then bringing a child into the world.

This is an interesting question. I'm a writer, as well [unpublished]. However, I love including children in my stories. I've always considered childhood to be quite boring and when I'm writing, I can change my view of childhood temporarily through my stories. I don't think there's anything wrong with living vicariously through your fictional characters -- it's certainly a better alternative to living vicariously through an actual child. I'm just not naive enough to believe the stories could become a reality!

This is an awesome topic, TimsGirl! Yes I have thought about this MANY times when reading romance novels. They always assume that the couple is going to have kids and often the woman is pregnant along the way. It is an assumed thing.

I think it's *great* that you are writing romances without that assumption. I think it's a fantastic niche that many people would love to read about. Have you started writing publishers with query letters?

On the Shrek issue, those are movies made for kids. So if you made a movie for dog lovers, it tends to have dogs in it. If you make a movie for kids, it tends to have kids in it so they can have someone to relate to. So I think it's hard to judge Shrek (being a kids movie) for having storylines involving kids.

There are many adult-oriented films which do NOT have kids - I'll start a thread about that!

I don't mind kids movies that have kids, or adult movies with kids, I'm not thrilled with the ones that make having kids a reason for living. I also don't like romance novels that end with children, which is hard becase like historical romances. I've found quite a few fantasy books that focus on female heros so even if they have kids its not the main focus or their whole purpose for life. So in those cases it doesn't bother me.

I don't think my being CF interferes in any of my hobbies but I just realized that most of my hobbies are fairly singular, even sports (martial arts) can be practiced alone.

The only way being childfree affects my hobbies is that I have more time to pursue them! Music practice, working out, writing...I know I'd have to give them up if I had kids, and I'm not even going to consider that.

I think I mentioned in another thread that I love mountain biking, and I've never seen kids on mountain bike trails. It's always adults in the 20-40 age range, often couples. I know several mountain biking couples and they are all child free.

I imagine couples with kids that like to bike gravitate towards kid-friendly biking like on paved trails.

In regards to Shrek 3, I believe this is where the Shrek empire "jumped the shark." Just like the TV show "Mad About You", when Paul and Jamie had the baby, the show fizzled out. "Friends" went out in a similar fashion as well.

As far as hobbies go, I enjoy riding my 4-wheeler, swimming, reading, fishing with my DH, going for walks, etc. Being CF does not interfere with my hobbies, it enhances them. I don't think I could rip through the woods on my 4-wheeler if I were pregnant or had a child. I wouldn't be able to sit quitely and read; I wouldn't be able to go fishing without worrying about a kid falling into the lake.

I just remembered something that happened recently to support what I said before. I found out I'd won tickets to a concert just a few hours before it was happening. Since I didn't have to make childcare arrangements, I could accept them without thinking twice and go to the show.
The concert was wonderful. The singer came back out for an encore, but bantered with the audience first. He said something like, "I know what you're thinking...love to see you J, but I have to go home and put the kids to bed..." I just smiled and thought, "Not me!"