BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Today's Woman = Emancipation?

I'm curious by the statement by one poster that they were jealous of women whose husbands could afford the household bills. The women could therefore sit home and not work.

I had thought of this as a 1950s "I want to stay at home" mentality that was not common any more. One of my friends does in fact have a husband who can pay the bills, and she didn't work. I actively encouraged her to go out and get a job, for many reasons.

Would you not want to be a contributing, functional part of the relationship? Would you feel comfortable being someone who "leeched off" of the efforts of your partner? What would you spend your day doing? Hobbies? Funded by your partner's efforts?

Also I'm curious that the statement seemed to solely be about women having rich husbands - when I know many women who make more than their husbands do. Do we still have the stereotype of women being the ones to find a rich man?

I read over that thread pretty thoroughly, and what I found was that the only statements made about men in general were discussions on social evolution and references to the majority. I think the parts of the conversation that may have been misunderstood were broad references to societal development in the wake of the feminist movement. I personally found it fascinating and not at all sexist.

If you can take statistics for fact, today's American woman does less house work than those of 30 years ago, and today's American man does more than he did 30 years ago. (I really wish I'd bookmarked that article, I can't remember the exact percentages, sorry.) This is good, this is progress. But these numbers don't meet in the middle. He isn't picking up all of her slack, let alone pulling a 50 share... yet.

But in the grand scheme of things, this has all happened very fast. Both genders need another generation or two to catch up with each other and begin to truly erase the social programming and gender role traditions. We're getting there. These things take time.

Meanwhile, we still live in a world where the average man does less housework than the average woman. I believe that's all that was meant by those general statements, since I did not find the word "all" attached to a single one of them.

I just previewed this and saw how long it was. I was babbling again. Sorry, sociological discussions of this type always get me thinking and reading.

I think you may be referring to one of my posts. I have been working since I have been about 15 or 16 (first doing odd jobs after school, then full time), yes, I admit sometimes I would like to be somebody who is "taken care of" - if only for a month! I think they used to call that being a "kept woman", right? Now before anybody gets worked up, let me say that I'm expressing this with tongue-in-cheek. Again, I have always worked, would HATE having to ask somebody for money to spend or being dependent on a spouse. I'm just saying... that for somebody who has always been able to count only on themselves, the thought crosses the mind once in a while. I want to be contributing and functional not only in a relationship, but also in society in general. Never have asked for any handouts and firmly believe that I am master of my own domain. But again, sometimes it is just such a rat race, and it would be nice having a breather.
By the way, I read an interesting book over the weekend which reminded me of a lot of things that were discussed in this thread. "Why women should rule the world" by Dee Dee Myers. You may remember her, former press secretary to Clinton.

Would you not want to be a contributing, functional part of the relationship? Would you feel comfortable being someone who "leeched off" of the efforts of your partner? What would you spend your day doing? Hobbies? Funded by your partner's efforts?

I have worked all my life and taken care of myself. I was just remarried about two years ago and after we got married I decided I wanted to take a break for a while and stayed home. YES, I have been home for almost over two years and I have enjoyed it. I NEVER felt like a leech nor did I feel like I wasn't contributing to our marriage. It was a decision made by my DH and I and he loved me being home and I loved the break. I now have went back to work (only part time). I don't feel like a "kept" women either!

What a blessing our CF life is...

Me too!!!
I'm turning into a little monster when I'm stressed out ...

If I had earned money, saved it up, and then took a break living off my savings, I would be quite happy with that. That seems very fulfilling.

But if I took a break and had someone else pay my way - my food, my clothes, my dinners out, my jewelry, etc., I would be extremely uncomfortable with that. That mental image is very unsettling to me.

My husband took some time off when he was studying. We both agreed that it was a good idea and I paid for everything during that year. Technically it's our money anyway. Then, when we moved over here, again I was the main breadwinner whilst he found a job. To me, it shows that you have trust and faith in your relationship to be able to make leaps of faith like that without being worried about being thought of as "kept" or a "leech" - both of which are terms that didn't apply in our situation. Plus, he got the benefit of being able to devote time to his studies and I got the benefit of him being at home if anything needed to be done.

I also know that in a couple of years when I want to fast-track my part-time studies, he would be supportive of me taking some time off to devote more time to it or even to going part-time at work for a while. Pretty sure I won't feel like a "leech" or a kept woman at that time either.

Being able to do this is one ofthe benefits I see of being CF. If we had children to look after, I don't think that we'd have the spare funds to be able to maintain the lifestyle to which we're accustomed plus study etc.

But if I took a break and had someone else pay my way - my food, my clothes, my dinners out, my jewelry, etc., I would be extremely uncomfortable with that. That mental image is very unsettling to me. _________________________

I don't feel my DH is "paying my way"...he is not my dad and I don't have to ask him for $. I am a college educated woman and can take care of myself..I just happen to be in a situation that if I feel I want to take a break or NOT work I can.....

Again, that is just another perk for being CF...extra funds!!!!

I definitely have trust in my partner of 13 years - and faith that we will be together for many, many more. I guess to me I do not see how that relates to paying for my own clothes and food. Yes, I respect him, trust him and have faith in his love. But as an adult member of our joint relationship, I contribute my part towards the upkeep of our lives.

If he was busy working all day, every day, putting in time and effort towards our mutual support, and I was at home not doing the same, that would seem "wrong" to me. I admit freely that obviously not all people feel that way! I am just saying that to me, I would feel exceedingly uncomfortable being in that state.

Every human being (with only a tiny percentage of exceptions) can take care of themselves. The question is if they choose to, usually. That is what I ponder.