BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Making Choices based on Your Parents' Wishes

A shame - for me or for her?
Well, it is irreversible "now", because I can't look into future. But it is unlikely.

The "good" thing about it is, that it is no burden for me - far from it!

I remember one post where the parents were yelling at the woman for an hour about the issue. To me that is abusive. If my parent was yelling at me for more than 5 minutes I would get up, leave, and talk with them much later when the situation is different.

Do other people not find this to be abusive behavior?

I made a deliberate choice to move away from my family. I am quite a bit different in personality to them. I am particularly interested in pursuing higher education, and questioning why things are they way they are. They put more emphasis on learning a trade and making a living without considering theoretical concepts and the like.

I get along with them better now because I talk to them a couple of times a year. It doesn't bother me that I don't have a close relationship with them.

A little off topic perhaps...

When I'm visiting with college students (single, married or otherwise) I make sure we touch on these issues. It's important that young adults make life decisions that reflect their own needs/wants/values as opposed to those of others. Often times what we perceive as best IS a reflection of how we were raised and by whom we were raised. There's nothing wrong with that. But we each need to be individuals, too.

It's terrific that you've reached the point that you're okay with the situation. I have a few students (in their late 20's even) that I wonder if they will ever hit this point.

Kudos to you!

That is wonderful that you are not bothered by this!

Maybe "shame" was the wrong word. Definitely it was. What I meant is that life is short enough without having to deal with conflict where there should not be conflict. There are enough other things in life to deal with. So I was sorry that you had to deal with the trouble of having an unapproving parent in your life. But if you are not troubled by it, then that is wonderful.

We should all be content with the path we have chosen, and secure so that winds and rains do not bother us as we move down our path. Yes, others might disagree with our path (parents, friends etc) but their words should not bother us. They have their own paths. We have ours. They can go down their own

I am very much a fan of adults leading their lives on their own terms, and not having abuse from anybody else about which way they choose to go in.