BellaOnline Forums Relationships Marriage the weight factor in marriage

We all become attracted to a certain person for many reasons, one of which are their looks.It isn't shallow; we simply find certain looks appealing. Then, when we get to know the person, we see other qualities.

Question:
If a spouse's physical appearance changed because they neglected themselves,(sloppy attire, bad hygiene, weight gain, etc.) would your feelings change?

I love my husband for what is on the inside not the outside so weight gain or lose is not an issue. I can even handle the sloppy attire. but hygiene is a MUST HAVE! I dont mean that skiping a shower once in a while is grounds for divores or anything but no shower for a month and there is not a health reason like a full body cast or something...that is different!

my husband shaves his face when he feels like it sometimes he has a bread and other times he dont... I dont care. if he dressed in jeans and t's fine if he wants to be in a money suit thats fine too. 200 pounds or 500 pounds I dont care but smell to high heaven I CARE I REALLY REALLY CARE!!! lol

there is a big difference between bad hygien and the others. we life in a small town so there is not really a reason to get dressed up just to take out the trash or clean house or work in the yard. and we have both gained weight me because of my health and dh because he is eating better now that he doesnt have to cook his meals or eat out every day. so his body has adjusted to eating three times a day instead of once in a while... I was heavy when we started dating and he knew me when I was heavier then that. know that I have gained back up to where I use to be even though I have tried to lose weight has not changed the way he feels about me.

We've gained weight together over the years. We've gotten chubby at the same rate, but for totally different reasons(long story).

I admit he's not quite as physically attractive with the extra pounds on him, but I'm sure he thinks the same about me. That's ok, though. It's an honest thought, and a fair one, and not at all a problem in our relationship. We still find each other very attractive, and we get to work together toward the goal of getting back into shape.

My hubby and I are, I think, cute people and a good match. We are not models by a long shot and we both carry extra weight. Not a huge amount but weight, none the less. I happen to love guys with some meat on their bones so it was one of the reason that I was attracted to my DH. Lucky for me too, he likes a woman with some meat on her as well. He likes thin women, meatier women, tall women and short women. But, his dating past definitely proves he does not like skinny-minis.

We do however want each other to be as healthy as possible so we try to eat right and encourage each other. Before our wedding, I lost 30 lbs and since we have both been married, we have both dropped weight. I love him through the thick and thin in both situations and body mass. But I do agree, hygiene is a must! I love when he smells like soap or nice cologne. Its manly and sexy. No one wants a smelly, gunky toothed, crusty haired mate. Eww. Basically, weight is not an issue. I would love him (and vice versa) no matter how big or small he is. I just want him to be healthy and around as long as possible. He is a cutie!

I think Jhmd has it quite right there - healthy is SO important. You want to be together for a long time with peace and happiness. If one of you becomes ill because of a preventable situation - and 30 years of your lives are taken up by doctor visits, painful procedures and lack of time together, that is such a shame. You want to have a pain-free, content life together.

I think when you're younger you can take health for granted and by the time you're older and see how important it is, sometimes it's too late.

We feel we are immortal when we are younger, that is true. Health is something that "just is" when you are younger.

Question two, if I may.
How would you tell your mate that there is a problem with hygiene, sloppy dress, etc.

Honey you need a shower and if you think your going to sleep in our bed smelling like that you got another thing coming!

Honey are you sure you want to wear that shirt out in public? how about this one? I like it sooooo much better!


Honey We need to lose weight lets start walking....

I think I get more blunt when it really bothers me. I pick and choose my battles! lmao

That's a tough one. It's hard to say anything regarding hygiene. Some people take it quite personally. I really love it when my guy is all cleaned up and taking care of himself.

The key with good behavior is always to reward the positive. If you start making comments about the negative it makes people defensive and unlikely to change.

So if someone is sort of smelly, the next time they take a shower, really make a big deal about how attracted you are to the clean smell. Comment on it several times. Then don't comment as they get smelly. After a few rounds of this it starts to sink in ...