BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids I am suffering....

Hi Pearl and welcome!

It sounds to me like yout MIL just doesn't get how strongly you feel about this. She certainly doesn't get the phobia. Many women just think us CF women are being silly. How could you not love a baby? In her mind, if she just exposes you to this child, you'll eventually change your mind.

I've had numerous proud parents/grandparents say something like, "Isn't he so cute? Doesn't he just make you want to have one?" to me, knowing full well I've NEVER wanted children and have been vocal about that opinion since I was a child myself. Like they seriously expect me to say, "Oh, yes! I thought I never wanted kids until I saw your little precious. Now I must have one!"

My feeling about kids is, I can take them or leave them. I have no desire to hold someone's baby. I certainly don't go out of my way to be around themm but I don't really dislike them either unless they're brats. I will not tolerate bratty kids. I don't mind being around well-mannered kids, but as soon as they get noisy and active, I'm outta there.

Perhaps you should tell your MIL about the phobia and anxiety. Tell her these photos she sends you literally make you have a panic attack. You said you got along well with her before. Surely she doesn't want to make you have a panic attack at work.

Take care,
Kim

Hi Pearl! I do not know if anything that I have to say will comfort you but I will sure try. I am an intuitive reader. You may not believe in psychic things but please just ponder what I have to say. What has happened to us in the past has a great bearing on our future. There are many people in the world who disbelieve in the fact that we have had past lives. Many people believe that this is the one and only existance. How then is it possible that we are so different and some of us even suffer to the point of mental, physical, and emotional extremes starting very young in life. I refuse to believe that this one is chosen to be so radically depraved and another is born with a golden spoon in their mouth unless there is something to be discovered and learned from starting possibly before their actual physical birth. These differences just don't come out of the blue!!!!! Picture this; Sicily, 1941. No forget that. I am getting serious now! Say that there is such a thing as past lives. Now picture a child that has been abused even to the point of death in one of them. I am just stating this as an example. At some point our advancement towards enlightenment we will probably have to face this event so we can become eventually complete in our evolution. In any lifetime the horrors that hit us cannot be swept under the rug for the sake of our mental health. I am only asking that you ponder the fact that there is no blame or fault here just that there may be an element of your evolvement through life that has not been known to you. Although I have never been through exactly what you have been through, I may have suffered situations just as deeply as you have and when I learned of all the possibilities of release and been open to them I was helped and got past it. There are many things that I have to learn so please do not think that I am in any wise a guru, high-head, or know-it-all. I just believe that your being open to all possibilities will eventually give you the real scoop which will empower you to get past this. Please seek help from some sort of spiritual professional that is gifted in metaphysics and healing or a spiritualist gifted in the realm of past life therapy. This must be someone that you feel deep in your heart that you can trust. They are out there!!!! Your bump in the road is not unknown to any person seeking help in depth. The secret is where to look!! My very best to you in peace and love!!! Blessed Be

Hello everyone,

Again, thank you all for heartfelt advice and encouragement. I have started drafting a letter to my in-laws to address the issues as suggested by Manatee. My husband agrees that it is a great idea. And just like GreyDrakkon said, I will make sure that the letter won�t be a blame-fest. All I want her to know is that I am suffering and she needs to take it seriously.
I want the letter to go out before Mother�s Day.

I admire many of you who have similar issues with children but are being strong and not letting it control your life. I have to work on that part as well.

P.S.
I also think that Llyn�s post had a great point. My MIL may be trying to use the baby to unit the family but I don�t want to be a part of it and suffer.

I dont think you need to have a relationship wiht this nephew. I have no problem wiht babies/infants even though I dont want my own. I actually really like them and I teach and like kids. However, I HATE family gatherings. To the point that I feel ill before them. I dont mind seeing my parents but I just hate going to big family events and pretending Im intersted in people I dont even now. I avoid them at all costs. Not everyone loves family gatherings and getting all mushy over babies there is nothing wrong with you. Im not sure if the letter is the right aproach though because it might freak your in laws out. I have a sil I despise and though I do have to see her on occasion I avoid it and when I am at an event she is at I just speak to her as little as possible. If anyone called me on it Id just tell them its not hteir business.