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Re: My Childfree life is a blessing [Re: fatina] #411407 04/25/08 01:24 PM
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fatina, just hit the quote buttom on the reply you would like to quote!

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For New Visitors: This forum exists as a support community for people who are living a child-free existence. This area is here to help nurture, inspire and educate those who, for whatever reason, are living their lives without children in the home.

Posts made here must be supportive of this lifestyle choice. Comments should not question a person's decision to or reasons for being child free. Those negative comments are called "bingoing" or "trolling" and are not allowed. Please be sure you are aware of this forum's intentions and rules before posting!

Re: My Childfree life is a blessing [Re: fatina] #411412 04/25/08 01:38 PM
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Welcome Michelle Jean and Lisa Ann! Glad you found us and hope you'll get some insight from all of us.

I just wanted to say I'm cracking up about the horses--that is what I played with most when I was little too! Weren't they called Breyer Model Horses or something like that? I had so many, and still have the unbroken ones now in my basement. Dolls were kind of boring but I loved the horses and I loved to play with office supplies! My mom still laughs about how cheap it was for her to buy my birthday presents--she would just go to kmart and buy a bunch of paper clips, trays, stapler, etc. and I would go nuts when I opened it all laugh


the only thing i want to parent is my great dane!
Re: My Childfree life is a blessing [Re: fatina] #411413 04/25/08 01:39 PM
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Michelle Jean - I don't feel like I ever had a defining moment. It was more of a metamorphosis. I guess when I was a teen or in my early 20's, when having kids was a very far off possibility, I guess I thought one day I would have them (as many women do). I am now 33, got married at 29, and the biological pull or desire or ticking clock has never started. In fact, the older I got the more aware I became of the sacrificies, responsibilities and realities of what having a child meant and I could not get excited about jumping on board that train. I would always push having to make the decision. I always say too that I like kids (some of them, in small doses) and it is not as much that "I don't want kids" as it is that "I do not want to be a parent" and deal with the things that come along with that title/role.

I have a friend who had a baby late last year. She said she can't wait until her son starts playing baseball or soccer so she can go support him at games. She said she can't wait to help him carve pumpkins, have sleep overs and birthday parties and go to school plays, etc. She is excited about those things. To me, it sounds utterly awful. That is the exact opposite of how I want to spend my time. But, that is what a good parent does. I have another friend with 3 little ones and she stays home everyday while her husband works a great job. The thought of staying home, 24/7 with kids makes my skin crawl. I would be in a serious depression if I had to do that. My friends enjoys it - I would not. Over time, I realized that being a parent was not in the cards for me, nor was it what I wanted. As I matured these things became more obvious to me and realized that I had a choice to NOT be a parent if that was not what I wanted to do.

For many people who want kids, it is a question of "when". For many who became or are thinking of being childfree it is a question of "if" and I think that is the big difference. For my friend w/ kids, it was simply a question of "when" they should have them and never was it a question of "if" they should or should not have them. I see that as the significant difference between them and me.

Re: My Childfree life is a blessing [Re: jhmd] #411415 04/25/08 01:44 PM
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Originally Posted By: jhmd

For many people who want kids, it is a question of "when". For many who became or are thinking of being childfree it is a question of "if" and I think that is the big difference.


jhmd--that is so true! Great way to put it. For me, I don't know that I ever consciously thought about having kids. Growing up, it was in the back of my mind that one day I'd have be on my own, etc. but I don't think I ever really envisioned a life of raising children. It wasn't until I met my DH who is also CF that I really solidified my choice not to have kids--it became a much more real and conscious decision once I got married and we talked more and more about both not wanting children.


the only thing i want to parent is my great dane!
Re: My Childfree life is a blessing [Re: Anatasia] #411418 04/25/08 01:51 PM
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Originally Posted By: Anatasia
fatina, just hit the quote buttom on the reply you would like to quote!


DUH! (Note to self: make appointment at eye doctor's!)

Re: My Childfree life is a blessing [Re: fatina] #411428 04/25/08 02:08 PM
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I didn't know about that either - thanks!

Re: My Childfree life is a blessing [Re: BillieCat] #411439 04/25/08 02:26 PM
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To Everyone:

Have a GREAT weekend!!!



Re: My Childfree life is a blessing [Re: BillieCat] #411461 04/25/08 03:37 PM
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I too was a Breyer horse fanatic. I think we're going to have to do some heavy duty scientific research on the frequency of plastic horse hording in future CF women!


"The fittest will survive, yet the unfit may live"
~Devo
Re: My Childfree life is a blessing [Re: DaughterOfDada] #411472 04/25/08 04:19 PM
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For me, I thought growing up I would someday have kids. But having to help raise my younger brother because my mom was so sick kind of cemented the fact that I wanted more. I always wanted to be a professional career woman who had her own money to do whatever I wanted. Kids didn't fit in while you are studying and climbing the career ladder. I put it off and off and off.

My DH was admantly CF from a very young age. I like kids but as jhmd said so eloquently, I didn't want to be a parent. I grew up with a LOT of chores and responsibility. I think that made me a mature, young person. But now, I just want to live life to the fullest and have fun. No ties, or strings. I do things because I WANT to not because I HAVE to. It's very liberating!

Re: My Childfree life is a blessing [Re: jhmd] #411491 04/25/08 04:47 PM
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Originally Posted By: jhmd
Michelle Jean - I don't feel like I ever had a defining moment. It was more of a metamorphosis. I guess when I was a teen or in my early 20's, when having kids was a very far off possibility, I guess I thought one day I would have them (as many women do). I am now 33, got married at 29, and the biological pull or desire or ticking clock has never started. In fact, the older I got the more aware I became of the sacrificies, responsibilities and realities of what having a child meant and I could not get excited about jumping on board that train. I would always push having to make the decision. I always say too that I like kids (some of them, in small doses) and it is not as much that "I don't want kids" as it is that "I do not want to be a parent" and deal with the things that come along with that title/role.

I have a friend who had a baby late last year. She said she can't wait until her son starts playing baseball or soccer so she can go support him at games. She said she can't wait to help him carve pumpkins, have sleep overs and birthday parties and go to school plays, etc. She is excited about those things. To me, it sounds utterly awful.


I agree with everything in this post. This is exactly how I feel. In fact, I've considered myself a "fencesitter" for a while, but the more I think about it, the more I begin to realize that I just don't want to be a parent, not to mention I can't fathom being pregnant.

I come from a large extended family myself. Grandparents had 9 kids, incl. my dad, so I have 21 first cousins, 10 second cousins and 1 niece - and that's just my dad's side!
In all those people, I am the only person in my family to have a college degree. I worked very hard to get through school. It took me 7 years to get a 4 year degree b/c I had to work full time and go to school at night.

I feel like I've earned my right to live my life the way I want, without judgement. I worked hard to get my degree and get a good job and I don't want to limit myself by having children.
Plus, growing up, we were very poor. My parents had my brother when they were just 19 and 20. They didn't go to college, heck, they didn't even graduate from HS. So we never got to travel, we never went on vacation (except to the mtns to go camping). I was 22 the first time I flew on a plane!
I want to enjoy the opportunities that I have in front of me now.

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