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Joined: Mar 2006
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Parakeet
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Parakeet
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I'm like CF Gal and Cherry Red, I just never felt a pull TO have children. I've always enjoyed taking care of animals more than the idea of taking care of a child. I didn't even like babysitting when I was a teen. I found it pretty boring. The older I get, the less I can picture myself having a child. I'd have to go through a pretty radical "biological alarm clock" moment to even want to pursue it at this point (I'm 38 and I think I unplugged the darn clock!) It would have to be a personality changing moment.

Cindy

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Thank you for the welcome!
Yes, the idea of pregnancy alone would be enough to deter me from having kids! If anything I thought it would be nice to be a foster home for older kids, but we'll see. I love your signature quote by the way, as an 'aspiring artist' (at least in my free time) that gives me something to think about ^_^


And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.
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Parakeet
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Michele Jean, you sound exactly like me! I never played with baby dolls, I was always playing with my stuffed animals or plastic horses, or reading books.

If you come from a large family, I bet your mom will have no problem getting grandkids...and you won't have to provide them! Like she said, kids are a double-edged sword...

Cindy

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Haha that's me all the way, I had 50+ plastic horses! Now that I think about it, I wonder where they all went to....
I guess when I said 'large family' I misspoke. My mom actually only has two children, me and my younger brother. My grandparents had 5 kids, and there's about 12 of us grandchildren so at the family gatherings it feels like a 'large family'. As for my immediate family, I don't see my brother or me having kids. He loves animals and doesn't like people too well... I'm the same way!
I told my mom I'd always provide her with canine grandbabies and she said that was fine by her :-D

Last edited by Michelle Jean; 04/24/08 11:59 PM.

And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.
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Gecko
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Welcome, Michelle Jean!

How smart you are to be considering bearing life at your age. Whether you do or don't bear children, I can't possibly express enough how much I respect you for weighing how you feel about that decision, which you have years to ponder, at your age.

Unfortunately, for themselves and for their children who have to live with their choices, so many people have kids just because "it's the thing to do" or because they think they should, or because they want to carry a family name, or because their sorority sisters are all having baby showers...ugh. The nonsense, frivolous reasons get the best of many people who frankly lack true self-worth.

I would never try to convice a woman at any age one way or another...we all have our own unique walks.

I have been so educated on this site in many different rooms (and others like truemomconfessions.com) - the pros and cons of bearing children.

The decision to bring life is a permanent one...you can't break up with it, you can't divorce it, and you cannot secede from it. Most of us in this room have made a comfortable decision against such permanence. Continue reading the past posts for the "why" of all ages and genders.

In conclusion I say: You have plenty of time before your bio clock rings. Listen to it with every relationship you have. If it never goes off, it's okay...you still have "friends."

Last edited by Angela P; 04/25/08 12:50 AM.

"Men and women think that it is necessary to have children. It is not. It is their animal nature and social custom, rather than reason, which makes them believe that this is a necessity." --Democritus
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Chipmunk
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Hi Michelle Jean! Welcome! I felt EXACTLY like you when I was your age. Every word of your posts is like an echo of how I felt. Now I'm 38, and I've been considering myself a fencesitter all this time, waiting for this change of feeling to happen that everyone told me was coming. It's still not here!! I still feel like the same person. So, I've decided at this point pretty much not to do it. But, I still have doubts here and there, and get pressured a lot about it from my family, who know it's kinda now or never. So, I guess my answer is not really, there hasn't been any clear point where I've known for sure yet. It's been awesome to find others here who feel the same.


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Gecko
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Originally Posted By: Cookiecody
Michele Jean, you sound exactly like me! I never played with baby dolls, I was always playing with my stuffed animals or plastic horses, or reading books.


Me too, Cindy!
In kindergarten they made us play house. I didn't want to. Every time the teacher asked me where my doll was, I told her it was a sleep. I'd dumped it in the corner somewhere. I had a huge stuffed animal and Bryer model horse collection. Animals always liked me and I always liked them. I always knew I'd have many pets. I do and I have.

I'm 39, Michelle Jean. With 40 looming on the horizon (July) I really started thinking through the whole CF issue again, which is why I sought out this forum and have been posting like a lunatic. I'm very happy being CF, but it's odd turning 40 and closing the door on the issue. I'm sort of looking back in the road not traveled lately. I never wanted to take that road, but I guess I don't like knowing I can't choose it any more.

I can't say stuff like this to people with kids because they'll think I'm having second thoughts, and it's not that at all.

Last edited by Cherry Red; 04/25/08 01:44 AM.

"The world might be considerably poorer if the great writers had exchanged their books for children of flesh and blood." ~Virginia Woolfe
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Gecko
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Hmmm.....I see a lot of similarities among us CF'ers here.
I, too, had a large horse collection as a child. Dolls? Yeah - I had those too but my idea of playing with them was to toss them down the stairs to see if they would bounce. And I always had my nose in a book.

I recall one Xmas in particular - I got a baby sized doll, doll clothes, a doll house with furniture and dolls, a toy baby buggy, a toy highchair, and lots of other doll stuff and sat right down in the middle of all my gifts and cried my eyes out because I didn't get the one thing I really wanted which was a gun. I was so heartbroken that my parents finally called my grandfather who knew someone who owned a toy store and got him to open up on Xmas day so he could buy me a cap pistol.

I also knew very early in life that I did not want kids and I always hated being around babies. Rethought my decision a couple of times over the years but always came to the same conclusion.
If we are born with biological clocks, then I was born with a busted one smile

My DH's daughter called tonight - more high drama in her life all of which is a result of her making lousy life decisions. The drama with this "kid" (she is 50 now!) is constant and my DH gets so worked up over it. I am just so very grateful that I never had kids of my own and don't have to deal with this sort of thing.


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Hi There Llyn,

How wonderful to discover a group of women who, like myself, do not feel the need to have kids. I don't know why, but people who have kids seem to constantly want to challenge my decision to not have children. It's as if my friends with kids feel it's their duty to 'show me the light'. How on earth can I feel fullfilled when I am missing out on so much, they want to know? To that I say: How wonderful to feel fullfilled without needing children.

Growing up I was more interested in books than anything else.
I played with dolls but it was always "school, school".They were
the pupils and I was the teacher. It was never a case of playing "house".
I did enjoy playing with my "Peaches and Cream" Barbie, however.
She sported a lovely office outfit, with a briefcase in hand, by day, and a beautiful ball gown by night. And I remembered
thinking that that's who I wanted to be when I grew up. A career orientated woman with a great social life. I never entertained the idea of marrying and having kids.

At the age of 32 I still think people expect me to one day jump up saying: 'By George I've got it. I've seen the light and I want to have children'. And that just 'ain't gonna happen'.

I have JUST registered with BellaOnline so what a great surprise to discover a topic of discussion to which I can relate.

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Amoeba
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"With 40 looming on the horizon (July) I really started thinking through the whole CF issue again, which is why I sought out this forum and have been posting like a lunatic. I'm very happy being CF, but it's odd turning 40 and closing the door on the issue. I'm sort of looking back in the road not traveled lately. I never wanted to take that road, but I guess I don't like knowing I can't choose it any more.

I can't say stuff like this to people with kids because they'll think I'm having second thoughts, and it's not that at all. "

I so agree with you! I'll be 39 this year and of course, these thoughts go through your head. What if... how would my life look differently now...? Sometimes you look at your friends with just a teeny tiny little bit of envy. It lasts for only a few seconds... I am sure they do the same thing when they look at us. Yes, I do get my bitter-sweet melancholy moments once in a while, too. But that's ok - I just try to let them pass through me and move on!

And I'm happier in my life now than I have ever been!

BTW, reading what y'all have been up to as kids brought back memories of myself when I was little. I remember getting a fancy-dressed doll as a xmas present when I was about 7. I think the novelty lasted no more than 2 weeks, then it ended in a corner.
I wanted to be a BOY when I was little, so I could do all the fun stuff. And until I hit puberty, I was quite the tom-boy, climbing tree, scruffing up my knees, running around all over the place, going fishing with my dad. I helped my dad re-model the house, while my sister was inside, helping my mom bake cake (not for me - too boring!) And lots and lots of reading - I was never without a book - and still that way today!

PS: can somebody enlighten me how to insert the little "quote" windows into a message please?

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