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Parakeet
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Parakeet
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It's certainly not good for the family to eat that late, particularly the kids. They should be going to bed by 9, not finishing dinner. Yea, that Dad really needs to pick up the slack. I'm willing to bet dance class is the only personal time that Mom gets, too.


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fatina Offline OP
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Well, I have to tell you, I live in Italy, and here (as a rule), we usually eat dinner at around 8. (in the south even later) Unfortunately, the Italians are very lax as far as disciplining their kids go. I don't even want to tell you how many times I have been out in the evening at 10 or 11 o'clock, and there are still loads of children running around. I don't know this lady well enough (yet) and haven't met her husband, but in a lot of companies and offices here, people work until 1930 (since they have a longer lunch break). Maybe that's the case with him.
Yesterday, we had to drive to a place together to get fitted for outfits for a performance, anyway she was talking about how busy her life is (I know she does a good job, she is well-organized and takes good care of her kids), she spoke about how she had gotten together with the other parents from the class and somebody had said "you need to find at least 30 min's a day just for yourself to relax"... and she goes "30 minutes? who has 30 minutes, when you have small children!" I didn't say anything, just sat there and thought "I'm sooo glad this is not me - poor thing!" Because that very evening, after I had gotten home from work (and before we had to go to this place), I fixed myself a nice little dinner, had a glass of wine, snuggled my cat, and then laid down on the sofa for 30 min's, reading the next chapter of my book that I'm currently into. Then I got up and went to my/our appointment. Each and every day, I count my blessing! smile

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Amoeba
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Originally Posted By: fatina
Because that very evening, after I had gotten home from work (and before we had to go to this place), I fixed myself a nice little dinner, had a glass of wine, snuggled my cat, and then laid down on the sofa for 30 min's, reading the next chapter of my book that I'm currently into. Then I got up and went to my/our appointment. Each and every day, I count my blessing! smile


That sounds awesome! Don't you just love having that time to relax cool
It makes everything else more manageable. I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have "me time" after work to go to the gym and unwind.

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Gecko
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"but it's a huge reason I haven't been anxious to become a mom. I'm NOT a type A personality, and get sick and miserable when I overcommit."

BOY can I relate to that! Work-life balance is REALLY important to me, if I don't have enough play time I get grumpy REAL grumpy and feel stressed.

Work suffers? Or family suffers?
Sometimes it's the mother who suffers.
I know a woman with several kids, she does LOTS of jobs at work and she had a stroke last year. I think SHE is the one that suffered. Some people manage to juggle well but for others, something's got to give. For me? I HATE to "juggle."

If I had kids I admit I WOULD be a stay at home mother at least till they were 3 or 5. And I also know I would hate not having my own income.
Then again I'm pretty jealous of these people - kids or no - whose hubby's earn so much they don't have to work, nice for some. We do quite well I guess financially but when we started off it was one income - mine - and we found it HARD.
Maybe if he was earning �800 a week every week in the hand (no tax) that's $1600 your money or if we were in the USA and he was earning $800 USD no tax then YES anything less forget it.

Last edited by Athena_Marina; 04/24/08 05:10 PM.

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Gecko
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I work with a few Supermums - it looks like hell to me...
Many marry equally ambitious men so they're often on their own dealing with work, kids and the home...
I read somewhere that young women now question the "have it all" philosophy and will have a career or children - probably not both...they might have a job and kids but not a full-on FT career and children.
I often wonder at the Supermum's quality of life - pulled in so many directions.
One of my colleagues returned to FT work when her baby was just 6 weeks old - she didn't want to be disadvantaged at work - I was concerned because I didn't think she had recovered from the birth (a caesarean section) - I also, know she felt guilty leaving her son in a creche all day...she was criticized, not her husband...
I sometimes wonder why some people have children (or so many children) - it almost seems like they have to "have it all"...
I firmly believe that trying to do everything often means you do everything badly or nowhere near as well...everything or something suffers...
One of my DH's colleagues has an absent husband (he's overseas 6 months of the year) three kids, FT job and is studying Law part time...she also, looks like she's about to self combust...
I sometimes wonder what motivates her and whether she derives much pleasure from her life...
It exhausts me to think about it...
I take for granted my freedom to be spontaneous - love having a coffee at my favourite coffee bar after work or a glass of wine at a nearby wine bar...while others tear off to the creche or after-school care - I stroll off for a little R & R...my PA (a single Mum) has teased me for years - "I want to "stroll" down to the wine bar one day" - her son is now older and often has after-school activities so now...we both stroll down to the wine bar after work...
I say we deserve a little luxury after our long day at the office - she wholeheartedly agrees...
I pinch myself on a regular basis...

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Gecko
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Originally Posted By: Athena_Marina
"but it's a huge reason I haven't been anxious to become a mom. I'm NOT a type A personality, and get sick and miserable when I overcommit."

BOY can I relate to that! Work-life balance is REALLY important to me, if I don't have enough play time I get grumpy REAL grumpy and feel stressed.


Oh, yes. This is totally me. I don't even like it when we have something to do on Saturuday and something to do on Sunday because I like to have one free day to grocery shop, do laundry & get ready for the work week. All my friends with kids spend the whole weekend watching kid's baseball/soccer games, etc. and I wonder how late they must stay up every night to fit their chores in if they can't do them on the weekends.

Anatasia,
In Spain, my husband's family eats dinner at 10:00 PM. I was amazed to see the school-age kids get themselves up and off in the morning without any help from their parents. They are hard-working, warm and lovely family people, and the kids are well-disciplined and a joy to spend time with.

Last edited by Cherry Red; 04/24/08 11:27 PM.

"The world might be considerably poorer if the great writers had exchanged their books for children of flesh and blood." ~Virginia Woolfe
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fatina Offline OP
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I'm like you, Cherry Red. Sometimes people ask me "so what have you got planned for this weekend?" and I say "nothing - I will do whatever comes up". I have so much to do during the week, and my week is pretty structured, that sometimes I just enjoy sliding comfortably into Saturday morning with absolutely nothing on the agenda and just wait what will unfold. The world is my oyster...

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Jellyfish
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You know what I've actually started thinking? And this is in the "man, I wish I had never come to this conclusion because it really sucks" kind of way.

I've started thinking that when a woman has a baby, she should fully expect to be 100% in charge of its care, and that includes the financial side of things. Not because there aren't men out there that will help with those things -- but because there are SO MANY men out there who will NOT. And you can't always tell who is who. And she should consider all help he gives, emotional or financial, as a bonus.

Not saying I excuse men from their obligations, but it shocks me how many women out there are surprised that they are getting no help from the fathers.


Simone de Beauvoir dismissed motherhood as, "...'a strange mixture of narcissism, altruism, idle daydreaming, sincerity, bad faith, devotion and cynicism."

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Gecko
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That amazes me too, Pinecone. I think that the reason women allow this to happen is because they don't know any better. I can't tell you the number of times people who have met my husband and I come up to me later, and with a strange mixture of sadness and disbelief, just say "that's a good man you've got there."

Of course, that irritates the hell out of me because it implies that our relationship is solely successful because of him. Even some of our close 'friends' make that assumption about us.

It's all very confusing and discouraging.


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I have to disagree with any blanket statements about "all men do not help with the chores". For example, in my house, and in the homes of several of my friends, the men do all the cooking. I work hard on my websites all day and when I'm hungry, I just call out to my boyfriend and he puts together a delicious meal for us.

If a particular person has ended up with a partner who is not helping with the chores, then certainly we've already talked many times in other forums about easy ways to remedy that. That is an entire thread topic in itself. Here is a thread -

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