BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Wondering if I should keep doing MNK

Deborah and FeeBee, your posts express perfectly what I feel about this issue. I haven't joined the discussion before now, partly because I've been busy with other things and partly because everyone else's eloquent posts have pretty much said what I felt. In addition, the latest drama has somewhat dampened my enthusiasm for the site.

This is by far the most tolerant, friendly, intelligent and polite CF site I have come across. Some are extremely hostile to parents, fencesitters and anyone who does not share their radical opinions - not my cup of tea at all. Nevertheless, this board does provoke some lively discussions, as I feel it should. It is a place for discussing all sorts of topics connected with being CF, and some inevitably involve parents, usually the less than stellar sort. I don't remember seeing any blanket condemnations of parents or children as a whole. Apparently this site is for support, not venting, but where can we vent if not here?

Like others, I don't feel that our role is to educate and enlighten. That may indeed be the result of the discussions here, but it should not be the primary goal. Why should this board be singled out for that burden?

This used to be a safe haven where we could interact with like-minded individuals without the sort of everyday self-censorship that seems to be an inevitable part of being CF in the real world. Unfortunately it now seems that we are being asked to apply the same self-censorship here lest lurking parents take offence at our unconventional views, our criticism of poor parenting, or our failure to preface every negative opinion with an extensive disclaimer. Instead of feeling "safe" here, I am now constantly aware that anything I post may be interpreted as offensive by a reader who does not share the CF mindset. Frankly, this has removed some of the appeal for me.

I have to say my enjoyment of this site has been dampened, too (and I have to admit I was already starting to move away from it because I got tired of people stopping in to criticize). This all seems a little "Big Brother" to me. Maybe there SHOULD be another forum for venting through another online company. I respect the right of Bella to dictate what they want to hear on this forum, but I also strongly believe that there should be a forum that doesn't dictate which feelings childfree people can and can't express. And I strongly believe there should be a place that childfree people can vent as well as educate without being harassed or criticized by hypersensitive people who don't want to hear the truths of why childfree people get so frustrated.

I recognize I feel this way because I sincerely dislike being told what to do and being told what I can and can't say. Can't help it - I'm in my mid 30's, have a college degree, am married, own a home and I'm a law abiding, voting citizen....I just feel I've earned to the right to express feelings on an online board without being tattled on or dictated to. I also recognize I haven't really said anything bad here - for me, this is just about the principle of the matter.

There should be a place in between the extremes of forums about hating all parents and children and forums only expressing Pollyannish views of the childfree lifestyle.

WHEW - yeah - now I hear ya. I just got lectured in another post after voicing one of my opinions on how I didn't know if I liked having to practically censor myself more than I already do. The lecturer is an editor from another forum, a name I have never seen in here.

Shame...I really felt home here, posting real feelings as a CF female. Now, I feel like I need to go gather flowers and faerie dust, knit a scarf and bake a pink cake celebrating the "total" woman. *COUGH* That's just not going to happen.

Good for you Angela - what are we suppose to do - hold our tongues all the time? I get a big laugh when you cross things out - it really brightens my day to laugh like that.
I saw that other post - I was going to let her have it but it may get deleted.

Hear, hear, Angela and BillieCat. I don't understand this sudden influx of parents into a forum which is clearly not aimed at them, and their insistance on dictating the nuances of communication here.

How can they ban certain words? They should be read in context.

Okay, now I am feeling oppressed!

I agree there has to be a happy medium somewhere. Yes, we should be respectful and not use hate-speak. But I don't want this forum to be Stepford-Wifey either. We have a lot of heated discussions here and let out a lot of our frustrations about making our way in this child obsessed world. And in the heat of the moment a lot of us use harsh or strong language--but I think that is ok, and it is a natural way of communicating among FRIENDS. Yeah that may be cheesy but I do consider our forum a group of internet friends--we all know each other in this capacity and we all accept that each of us has our own way of expressing ourselves. When someone new joins the board (and I myself was new just a few months ago), the newbie gets to know everyone and find their place here, and once they know everyone I don't think they are offended by the language used here. We are a little community on this board and we accept each other and support each other. I also believe that when we've had non-CFers here posting and genuinely trying to 'figure us out' we have all been happy to help explain. It's the ones that come here to attack that cause the problems--they are the ones who are offended and complain (and it isn't even worth mentioning the trolls).

I really don't think the solution to all of the complaints is to censor/handslap us. This is an opportunity for Bella to educate the other posters about this community, and if they don't feel comfortable here they can try another forum. I do like the new bar that explains who we are in each post and I think that's a great start.

Shame...I really felt home here, posting real feelings as a CF female. Now, I feel like I need to go gather flowers and faerie dust, knit a scarf and bake a pink cake celebrating the "total" woman. *COUGH* That's just not going to happen.
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Well said Angela! I am so aggervated right now. First, I get pulled aside at work for saying that I didn't want children and can't really tolerate them and at the same time saying that I did love my BF's children. And again, was asked my opionion! But even so, I should be entitled to my own opinon! THEN, I come here and now we are dealing with all this [censored]. We get "it" on the streets in real life now we are getting here! I guess like others I will wait and see what happens and decide if it is time for me leave as well.

Ack. I HATE the new bar. Now it reads to anyone coming in here that WE'RE a bunch of crybabies who can't handle being hassled by the real world, when nothing could be further from the truth.

I have to agree with everybody else. By all means, if any of us use a "derogatory" term in our posts, then a mod should email us and politely tell us to edit the post. We'll happily do that, we're all adults. But this whole touchy feely nicey-nicey thing is really bumming me out. May as well throw out the constitution, because it looks like free speech has already got the boot.

My feeling is that if a mod gets a complaint from someone, look at the complaint objectively. If it's valid, then smack the poster, and thank the complainer. If it's just a whinge from some thin skinned political correctness freak, post the same disclaimer that's in the bar - sorry that you don't agree, but this site is not aimed at your demographic. Feel free to move along.

If I wanted to be a b*****r-pleaser then I'd post on lj-Childfree. Looks like I'll have to go and play on CF-Hardcore again. I'll miss the intelligent discussion, but at least the comments make me lol...

Hello, I know you remember me. Let me preface by saying I'm a mom who supports MNK or CF, I guess that makes me a MMNK or MCF. I guess I like MCF better, MMNK makes me sound like a monkey.

Jzel, ask the person at work to show you her Fox News Press Pass and then maybe you will answer her questions truthfully so she can get your fair and balanced viewpoint back to Sean Hannity.

Pikasam, I love your post. In case it gets missed I'm forwarding your disclaimer idea to the editors.