BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Today's Woman = Emancipation?

I agree, we are not emancipated... because the men, I'm sorry, are not picking up the slack. However, is it really fair to expect them to? I'm not sure. We wanted the choice to go out and earn our livings and we are proving ourselves to be as capable (and in many cases, more so) than men. It used to be a situation where we were not given the option to take care of ourselves, but the men knew it was their place to support the women and children. Now we are trying to get to a place where the men will contribute equally to the housework. They still have to work but are now having to do some of that other stuff, and now we still have to do (most of the) housework and yet find 8 hours a day to bring home some of the bacon. At least now we have the choice of taking care of ourselves and we no longer have to be in the situation where we are with some abusive [censored] and have no choice but to stay. And let's face it, men no longer have that "status" of being the "head of the household" so they've lost that. But it's still the women who are taking care of the babies.

Seriously, we've won AND lost. But that's social evolution. Right now though, I can honestly say that the number one reason I don't want kids is that I am NOT superwoman--- I don't want to work all day and then take care of kids all night and shuttle back and forth between daycare. If I had a man supporting me it would be much much easier. Not saying that would be a better situation -- but it would certainly be different. And I sort of look down on those who think they can "have it all" and not expect to have their work suffer, or their kids suffer, or both... it's just so unrealistic.

And to Froggy_Moo -- I know what you are mean, and it's so stupid for anyone to think that chivalry was in any way tied to our being held down as second-class citizens, but I know a lot of men do think that way. Like holding a door open for me makes up for me not being able to earn a decent living (in the old days). Please.

This thread really got me thinking. You know how parents want their kids to grow up, go to college, get a good job, etc? How mothers want their daughters to do something with their lives?

What's the point if your daughter is going to be SAHM? And then that's teaching her daughter to be a SAHM. And so on and so forth. What's the point?

I completely agree with the whole concept behind this post. I think the early feminists just couldn't quite see ahead to all the consequences of equality, and I guess it's our job to iron out the kinks...main kink being men are more than happy to let us help earn the income, but that doesn't mean they're going to jump on board and take on half the housework. Woops! Guess no one thought of that.

I'm not sure what the solution is, but it's a huge reason I haven't been anxious to become a mom. I'm NOT a type A personality, and get sick and miserable when I overcommit. It's kind of like if you work, and maybe sign up for a class in the evenings, and then already have a volunteer activity or a hobby. I've been there in the past and ended up having to quit something to get my sanity back (kind of like what Kim's been talking about). It's really scary to me to think about what if I was stuck for 20 years in that position...which is how it would be if I had a kid. Yikes.

Linux Lady, that story about your sister is horrifying. That's crazy she overheard that. I'd be wanting to take some action about that, but I'm not sure what it should be exactly. I agree that being an administrative asst./secretary is a problematic position. Once people get used to you in that position, they get a certain idea about you and it's hard to get out of that. I got out by moving laterally into a skilled trade (graphic arts), because I knew I had to do something drastic, like go back to school and get a graduate degree, or do something specific that was NOT secretarial.

You are SO preaching to the choir on this one! There is no way I could deal with children, or anyone, after working all day, with a one hour commute tacked onto each end. We eat dinner, and then we have a little time before we go to bed. If I didn't have at least an hour to do something relaxing, I don't know what I would do. I know my DH and I would fight and I would be sniping at him, because that's how I get when I don't get enough sleep and/or alone time. I don't know how women do it. I would be a crying mess if that was my life.

I was thinking the other night about all the stories I've read by mothers saying that it was so hard to put their baby to bed, and took a whole hour or whatnot. Last night I was dying to do some yoga and relax, and noticed my dog had tons of burrs in her fur. Next thing I know, I spent almost 30 minutes pulling them out, and had eaten through most of my yoga session. At least that only happens once in awhile. There are only so many hours in a day, and I don't know how mothers fit it all in!

Also, I was reading an article about how to "stay youthful" and it said, "Get at least 8 hours of sleep a night." Now, that's hard for me anyway, because I always want to stay up and read and just enjoy the quiet time. If I had to go for years like mothers do only getting a few hours of sleep here and there, I'd be insta-hag. But then when I'm out in the world and observe mothers, they usually look pretty normal. I'm in CA, so people are more healthy here maybe, but still, it's amazing how well everyone seems to pull it off or pretend at least.

I think women like this are unrealistic, too. It's complicated, though. If I wanted kids, I don't know what I would do, because I wouldn't want to stay at home, lose my skills, and be screwed if my husband died/left me, whatever. But the idea of doing it all is beyond my comprehension. I would NEVER want to do both - parenting and work. So I guess I shouldn't look down on SAHMs, because I wouldn't want to do both either. I do think they are naive though for letting their skills go.

I see a lot of working Moms that fall short of saying they are unhappy, but you can tell they are exhausted and frustrated. I just don't understand why people think doing it all is possible. Something is going to fall apart.

What an interesting topic!

I used to think that a 'support person' in a relationship was a good idea, so the bread winner would have less stress by not having to take care of things at home.

However, I've realized that the at-home person's situation can be precarious. If anything happens to the bread-winner, what will the stay-at-home do?

Personally, when I am home every now and again and not working, I also feel like I am less engaged and that my intellectual and creative capacities seem to dwindle. Motivation often dwindles, also, as well as social skill. I've also found that some of our acquaintances view me as some sort of hanger-on who has no right to make any sort of decision concerning my husband's money. That just makes me want to slap someone.

Tress - I find that when I have more time on my hands at home, I tend to just want to loaf around. If I have a tight schedule, suddenly the whole house ends up clean! Point is, I need to be actively engaged in something. I couldn't just sit home all day. I don't even like to babysit my nephews too often because I feel like what do I do with them? They're still too little to really do anything engaging for a period of time. So it's sit around and watch him do the same puzzle 100 times.

That is why I avoid listening to mainstream radio shows anymore. We have gone 2 steps forward and 3 steps backwards, rapidly. Women are expected to work and do all the household chores. I work for a sexist boss, have come across misogynist pigs. I am so sick of the way women are blamed for everything. Are we back in the 50's?

What I'm wondering is, if Fatina's dance classmate doesn't get home until after 8:00 pm, why doesn't her husband make dinner and feed the kids before she gets there? Why should she have to be the one who does it all? Maybe she's let him "train" her to do things this way, it's not "good enough" when he does it, so he's off the hook, something like that?

Cindy