BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Kids respecting parents...weird experience

YES. Yes. Yes!



I've gotten the same comments from "strong" women too. (Thouogh, I do consider myself to be a strong woman too, but in a different way.) I'm a Cancer who picks her battles. If something isn't important to me, I don't let it get to me. But if it is, I'll speak up.

I agree that it's absolutely irresponsible to do that in front of his daughter and that is certainly not worthy of earning respect. Plus, how is he 'trying really hard' when he picked up his daughter FOR THE WEEKEND and can't lay off the pot for 2 out of 7 days???????!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have a feeling I know why he doesn't have her the other 5 days

Frieda, you were totally in the right. I've been to parties where weed is passed around with children in the room - and I've stood up and straight out told the parent I didn't feel comfortable with the child in the room and that they should leave. Normally, the parent seems surprised, like they hadn't thought about exposing their children to it (duh!), and then takes the child out of the room. I'm usually super-nonconfrontational, but I make an exception in a case where children are being endangered by their parents' stupid choices. DH thinks that I'm right, but also says it's up to the parent. Pfft. If parents are being dumb, I'll correct them and if they don't like what I have to say, I have a home to go to. I know a lot about the legal system, so I mention what could happen to their parental rights if they expose their children to drugs and then someone tells the wrong (or right!) person.

I then tend to remember who attended whose parties, and avoid those invitations in the future. Maybe I don't make the best choices for myself sometimes, but kids don't even get the opportunity to make that choice, and that is morally reprehensible. Shame on that parent! I can't think of one of my friends who would do such a thing to their child.

Me neither! That is an interesting approach to just stand up right there and say something in front of the child. My tendency would be to just leave the scene, though I can't say I've ever seen it done quite so blatantly in front of a child. If my husband reacted that strongly to me saying something at home, I can't even imagine the scene it would have caused to say something in front of the parent. Especially it would have been weird because he was in the middle of trying to discipline his daughter when I walked up, so I would have had to interrupt him and say, "You're smoking pot right in front of her and telling her to respect you at the same time. You're the one who's misbehaving buddy. She's right not to respect you!"

I don't know if I'd ever have the nerve to do something like that, but it kind of gives me a rush to think about it.

Also, I agree with you about staying away from these people in the future. Even my husband commented afterwards that the crowd was a bit scummy.

The guy can't be that good of a parent if he's doing drugs in front of his child.

My sister and I were never close growing up, and I started babysitting my nephew when he was 4 months old. My sister and I actually started acting like sisters, she made a big deal about how I didn't have to ask her permission for anything "we have to do what SISTERS would do."

One day I was babysitting and it got really hot outside, and all I had was a sweater. I was going to call my sis to ask her if I could borrow a t-shirt, and then I stopped and thought, "she said to just do what a sister would do, which would be just go ahead and take one."

I opened up her drawer and found an illegal substance in there ... I remember just standing there staring at it while time stopped. I closed the drawer and decided I didn't need a t-shirt.

I was very torn about what to do, so I finally wrote her a letter about how I found it (and the way) and said how sad it would be if my nephew lost his mother, etc. She was so shocked that I cared enough to write her a letter about it. I love her, but she's not the brightest bulb, you know? I think she didn't realize that once she had a child she had to really think about what she wanted to do with her life.

She said that she stopped and threw everything out, but I have no way of knowing that. I can only hope. I mean, she doesn't act like she's on drugs ... and to be honest, there have been a few times when I have snuck around during naptime and looked in drawers. I'm NOT the kind of person to do that, but I felt that my actions were justified, and I've never found anything since.

Yeah, interfering between a parent and child is definitely a sticky thing. In general, I don't, and I certainly don't want anyone doing it to me. However, when a child's safety is at issue, it's another story. There may be a lot of disagreement about whether pot should be legal, and I'm certainly not going to get into that, but smoking it in front of your kids or while responsible for kids is grounds for immediate removal of children, I would imagine in most states!

The only time I have interfered with parents of children that I don't know was at a children's clothing store where they had an indoor playground. A little girl (preschool aged) was crying and went to her mother and told her that another little girl had hit her. The mother then proceeded to yell at her daughter because she was crying then drag her over towards the alleged hitter telling her daughter she wanted her to hit her back (she visibly and verbally expressed she didn't want to do it). My husband and 4 year old were there, and after taking a minute to collect my wits realized I was not going to sit by and watch this mother abuse both of these girls (the one getting hit and the one being forced to hit). I stepped in between them and the "hitter" and asked -- "I'm sorry, but I thought I just heard you instruct your daughter to hit another child, and I simply will not sit by and allow that to happen," It did escalate very quickly with this woman about twice my size getting right in my face and screaming at me, and my 6 foot husband (Bless his heart) coming over and very calming telling her to take her hands off and step away from his wife. Other parents got involved (on my "side") and fetched store management who escorted her out. I feel terribly for that child, but hope that someone standing up to her mother and telling her that sort of behavior ISN'T right will stick with her.

I think a father using drugs in front of his child is shocking and irresponsible...(also, the child welfare organizations could easily consider that the child is in an unsafe environment/unfit home and take steps - you only need one person at the party to report your conduct)
Marijuana can affect your ability to drive safely, your balance and co-ordination and impair your judgement - not great when you're RESPONSIBLE for a child.
I don't think he's "doing the best he can" at all - he's doing what HE wants to do...tacking his daughter onto his activities/lifestyle.
He should have left his child with a relative/sitter or stayed away from the party or called in to say hello to the non-drug-taking section of the party and then moved on...

I think some people just carry on with their pre-child lives - dragging their kids to inappropriate places, at inappropriate times and often, seeing and hearing inappropriate things.
IMO when you have a child you're no longer a single person or a couple...you're a parent and should always put your child's needs and interests first...

Frieda, your husband's "defensive" response reminds me a bit of my DH's response when I suggested his closest friend was an alcoholic - whenever we catch up with this friend, he gets drunk - EVERY TIME - he's now 43 - I find it tiresome and unpleasant - I have no idea how his wife puts up with it...
They're having trouble conceiving - they had twin girls aborted last year after scans revealed they had serious genetic problems - deformed brains & other problems...
My GP told me that alcoholics often produce offspring with genetic problems and the brain is often the area affected...
Also, men over 40 are more likely to produce sperm with genetic defects anyway...
My DH now concedes that his friend has a problem and is probably, an alcoholic...but he was appalled by my initial suggestion.
Sometimes we can't see the wood for the trees.

I also, agree that you have to earn someone's respect - you can't demand it or expect it...
Being someone's parent isn't enough...

Ooooh Frieda. I do feel for you. I don't need to repeat all the supportive things about this being appalling behaviour from the little girl's parent, as it is clear that I agree wholeheartedly. Poor little girl. And poor little baby.

My ex-husband and my ex-boyfriend in London were both bull-headed artists in their own way, so I do empathise. My ex-husband was an arrogant narcissistic photographer. My ex-boyfriend in London was an externally delightful but internally stubborn and self-centered ex-ballet dancer.

It is always slightly disturbing when our partners respond to something in a left-field way. I was at a pub the other night with my DH's group of friends (dodging breast-feeding talk). They showed a movie short on the big screen of a film where some Greenpeace protestors get hit (deliberately) with a golf ball in a sort of slapstick moment, and the guy with the golf ball wins. I used to be a Greenpeace volunteer and have strong environmental tendencies. Well my DH reacted to this scene by hooting with laughter to the degree that everyone in the pub turned round and looked at him. Even my narcissistic (but environmentalist) ex-husband looked attractive at that moment.

Sometimes, as you say, you just have to take a bit of bad with the good. I know that I have my completely unreasonable and defensive moments.

But about those children at that party - that's irresponsible and selfish of the parents and we are all totally with you on that. Probably your husband deep down thinks so but now can't back down.

By the way, my DH (who is of course a Dad) only once came close to suggesting something along the lines of if you are not a parent then you wouldn't understand. I snapped immediately, as for someone who wasn't really CF by choice, but by circumstance and at the time was still on the fence, that sort of comment hurt and made me feel like "I wasn't a grown-up because I don't have children". He's always been very sensitive to that since.

BIG HUGS.

A bit off topic: I've gotten that "you don't understand because you don't have kids" from nearly parent I've ever known except the parent I live with. I think he knows I DO understand. I also think he knows that if he tried that line on me, he'd be physically harmed before I packed my suitcase!