BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Wondering if I should keep doing MNK

Very nice post, Feebee.

Kim, I hope answers come to you and that you're able to make the best decision for yourself.

((hugs))

Kim so sorry for your loss. I haven't been on this forum long, but I have been reading your articles. They have helped me to see I've made the right decision and that there are plenty of like minded people out there. Whatever your decision you must do what's right for you. You will be supported.

Jenn

I was reading through all of the posts on this thread before formulating my own comments, but I see I don't need to. Everything I wanted to say has been said, particularly FeeBee and Freida's comments.

I wish you the best, Kim, in whatever decision you make. If you are uncertain of which choice to make at this time, maybe you should see about getting a substitute editor (for a few months, at least) and a permanent co-mod. We are very likely the most talkative bunch on Bella. It often takes me an hour to read and respond to the new posts when I'm only 24 or so hours behind. I can easily see how keeping up with us would be a serious time-eater for you, given all your other obligations on Bella and out in the world. This board could use an second set of eyes, no matter who the topic editor is. It's just too much for one person. (Lisa Shea, is a co-mod set-up allowed?) Again, do what's best for you. And let us know if we can help.

Kim,

I am sorry for your loss. I can understand the desire to leave when the pressure gets applied to you from forces that you have no control over.

I have not been as persecuted as the many women here. I do find companionship and understandings about my feelings, which is why I like to hang out here.

This forum does serve a very good purpose. As compared to other forums, which are way more crude and crass, this place is civil. Yes, there will be issues between people within the forum and between people who disagree with the CF, but any forum that dares represent the ultimate of minorities -- those that wish not to procreate -- WILL be the target of the worst of the majority of society. Such is the implied duty of those people. "Oh, they dare be different? Let's trash their place!" And they have.

People (men AND women) who want and need a place to vent need this place. If you need a break, maybe someone else can temporarily fill your shoes. Everyone faces some sort of burnout every now and then.

Do what you have to do to get back to normality. It happens to the best of us. It just proves you are human.

I've been reading over everyone's replies and I think a co-mod (or mods) is a great idea. We co-mod in the forum I mod, it makes it so much easier since everyone gets busy or burned out here and there and there's always somone to back you up.

I hope this is something Bella is open to if it's something you'd like, Kim. I'm sorry for your loss, BTW. I meant to mention that in my original post. ((((((Kim)))))) Give yourself some time to grieve and be gentle with yourself for a while.

Take care,
Kim

First, thank you to all who have said such wonderful things! I truly value each and every one of your comments. I am having a tough time personally right now, and I haven't come to any kind of decision. Mostly I am re-evaluating things, and deciding what direction I should take on many paths in my life.

Frieda, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings, or imply that I think you all post too much, or whatever else my comments might have sounded like.

It's just that right now, I am getting both comments from you all (which is perfectly appropriate for you to do -- how else do I know when something is out of line if I don't have time to read every single post) AND comments from BellaOnline management about complaints they are getting about us.

SO, I am getting it from all angles, which is pretty frustrating.

When I took this site over a few years ago, I did it because I love to write. The forums were sort of a secondary thing here at BellaOnline, and hardly anybody posted in the beginning. I really didn't have much interest in moderating a forum, but it came with the territory. What I really wanted to do was write articles.

Since then, we have become the busiest forum at BellaOnline, which is good. But at the same time, with the somewhat controversial nature of our subject matter, I have been receiving more and more complaints. As I said, on both sides.

I would be very happy to leave the forum to all of you to write your thoughts and feelings. That's what it's there for. I've never been a "Big Brother" type, and I don't like knowing that I have to be on top of every single comment before a powder keg explodes.

I know that in the past some of you have expressed disappointment that I don't read every post. I see this forum as an outlet for YOU, not for me. The articles I write are my outlet. The forum is for you to talk amongst yourselves. If you want to speak to me directly, you all have my address.

Rest assured, if I do decide to stop being the MNK Editor, the site will not disappear. It will continue on with someone else.

I'm not sure if I am ready to hand it off to someone just yet. But I am feeling overwhelmed by it all right now. I am guessing if I did give it up, I would never be able to come back, because I see this as "my" site, and I would have a hard time participating with someone else in charge.

Which is why I'm not sure I want to give it up.

Anyway, I hope you don't feel as though I am lashing out at you, because truly, I'm just frustrated with the situation, not with any one of you in particular.

I have seen all those other CF forums out there too, and that is NOT what I wanted this site to be. I am proud of the civil nature of our discussions. BUT, they are a lot less "tame" (for lack of a better word) than the other forums here, which have rubbed some people the wrong way. I have tried to explain that our site is relatively calm compared to others, but there is a standard at BellaOnline that has to be maintained.

So, I am still mulling this over. If it was possible to have a co-moderator for the forum, that sounds like a good idea. I think my frustration with the forum end of things is what is making me less interested in the website itself, which is WHY I applied to be the editor in the first place. The forum has become my primary responsibility of late, and I don't like that.

More thoughts and ramblings from Kim Kenney, I suppose....

Kim Kenney
MNK Editor

I can see how you'd be frustrated. Thanks for explaining your POV.

Wow, that's so not right -- "complaints they are getting about us." I would think the bulk of anything negative that comes from "us" on our site is in reaction to a troll driving by saying "I just don't understand you people."

Other drive-bys have said things like, "You people are so negative...you rant about kids and parents without paying much attention to your own lives, focusing on the positives." I can see both sides here -- it's good to be positive and uplifting, but sometimes life outside dumbfounds or angers us, in this case, with respect to bratty children or clueless parents, and we have felt comfortable here opining about it.

If you're going to stay, Kim, I'd be open to reading any helpful advice you want to throw in the forum for us to consider when posting so you don't get complaints from management. We want to be good kids.

Well I just want to say good luck with whatever you decide.
I too have run forums (NOT as busy as this nowhere NEAR it!) and I can relate to some of the complaints etc. As just one example I had people wanting a matchmaking site and others NOT wanting a matchmaking site - it was a site for Christian singles (I was Christian then) and it got up MY nose too.
But as well as that as you say you are dealing with some HUGE changes in your life too.
I am pleased we have this forum and I love the things YOU write too Kim Kenney VERY much.
I agree with what people say about this forum - to me it's a happy middle --- I have joined childfree forums that were too extreme (in my opinion) and others that were too tame!
I know very few childfree people in real life
well my best friends are childfree (YES!) BUT my best friends all live in New Zealand and I now live in the UK. And it's nice when you are bombared by baby lust and bingos to come to cf forums where things are SANE again!! (Or should that just be where your life choices are actually respected?!)

I don't know much about these complaints but then again
I'm not the moderator and it sounds like a pain!
Some parents who come here - like Lisa Orlando and is it Michelle? With the cool hat in her photo? I like to hear from and they are very understanding and no trouble at all. And I for one respect their life choice - to have kids - just as they respect mine.
But I know that unfortunately trolls can plague all forums. UGH! (Where's the three Billy Goats Gruff when you need them?)
ANYWAY I just want to say THANK YOU and all the best at this difficult time.

Thanks for your response Kim.

Angela's last paragraph is absolutely true for me too. If we don't hear what the complaints are from the management, we have know way of responding or knowing if we're being out of line. If we are saying things that are truly unacceptable to Bella, it might help us to understand what they are, and move toward a more positive discussion (if that's possible). But, if the complaints are just from parents who will never understand us, same as in elsewhere in the world, or if Bella just is against controversial subjects altogether and only wants this to be about sharing information about plants or cooking or beauty tips, then maybe that would be good to know too. Or, are the complaints mainly from trolls who are just trying to wreck the forum for us? We have no way of knowing! If our feelings and opinions are truly in opposition to the overall identity of Bella, perhaps we should take our forum elsewhere.

Who is Bella anyway? It's all so mysterious to me.

I've read everyone else's response and wanted to add my two cents.

First, my condolences Kim. I've lost loved ones and it's a very hard time to exist through. I hope you and your family find peace as time moves forward.

Second, I've moderated online forums before and I know how time consuming they can be. In fact, I run one right now and have been thinking of becoming less active in it without shutting it down or walking away from it. I like the idea of having a co-moderator - it would be helpful for you and for the people posting here. In fact, I may do that in my own forum.

Finally, there have clearly been complaints against those of us who post here. I don't stop in at any of the other forums, so I have no idea what their discussions are like, but apparently they feel the discussions here just don't match what they want to hear. A couple of ideas....could this be made a private forum? Meaning, the only way you can post or read in this forum is to be a member of this MNK forum. Fewer trolls for the people who post here and the other people in other forums won't be forced to click on a MNK topic and read it only to be offended. Seriously though, would it be possible to make this unreadable unless you register only for this forum?

I'm actually going to read through some other forums now just to see what their topics are like.