BellaOnline Forums Family Daughters dance ball

Deb, that was what I was thinking too. Where the slacks appear at the bottom but somewhat of a flowing fabric on the dress or skirt part.

That sounds like a great outfit.

Hi Carrie

One thing you can try as a compromise, without committing yourself, is to go out with your mum and say that you will try on some dresses, but that you also want to try on some smart pant suits. That way she can see what the pant suits look like and she might change her mind when she sees how smart and formal it can look.

With the dresses (if they're just not going to back down), again a compromise you can try for is going for dresses in more muted tones and fabrics (ie, look for non-shiny dresses, maybe in darker colours). That way, your mum "wins" with the dress, but you "win" with it being less "girly". Also, look for dresses with a pencil skirt shape rather than a full skirt - these look more sophisticated and less girly too.

Another possibility is going for a skirt and top, rather than a dress. You could go for a very basic skirt that you feel comfortable in, and have a pretty top - tell your mum that people aren't going to see your skirt as much as the top.

Finally, when you do ask your mum and gran to think about a compromise, do it when you're feeling fairly calm and try not to let them make you feel or react emotionally. They'll be more likely to take you seriously and listen to you if you give logical reasons and speak calmly.

Hopefully some of the ideas we've all given you will help.

Helen

its a formal dance - like a d�butante ball - my mother has basically said wearing pants to it is out of the question - so is not going - just feel strange at the thought of all satin and perfume and jewellery

The town where i live is pretty Ned Flanders - so its good if your male and Christian and conservative and dont like music made after 1970

Hi Carrie,

Part of the problem is that it IS a formal ball - and that means formal attire; that's just part of ettiquette I'm afraid. Guys have to wear things that choke them and girls have to wear things that go down to their feet.

However; I don't think your outfit has to be so..."frou-frou".

There are many sleek dresses out there today, things that are not so frilly and pouffy.

Try looking around online, and see if there are some dresses that appeal to you at least some. Here are a couple of links for you to look around at.

Prom Girl
4 Prom

As far as jewelry goes; show your mom and grandmom the current trend in Hollywood is the bare neck with just a bracelet. If you pull up pictures of the Oscars - half the women did not wear necklaces or earrings - it was the big fashion talk st the time. Bracelets are the big thing right now.

And you never want to go overboard on perfume and makeup anyway; subtlety is a sign of sophistication, drowning yourself in scent and blue eyeshadow is not.

Also; sleek straight hair is the "in" thing as opposed to ringlet curls. Even tight ponytails to the head (as long as it's not done up on top of your head like in "Grease")

So do a little research on your own; compromise - find some things that you, maybe not love, but at least can live with for one night.

And keep that in mind - it is one night, as opposed to having your mom and grandmother on your back for weeks before and after. (Moms have loooong memories, mine still reminds me of when I snuck out of the house at 16, and I'm 37 now!)

Thanks Chellie - i get the feeling my grandmother would have me wearing petticoats and corset if she could

gets rough when you live in a Ned Flanders town too

Carrie, thanks for the description on the town. It helps us feel what you've been up against.

I like the advice above about staying calm for the next conversation. I think that will work very well for you. Probably the best is to give on the dress, and try to get them to give on what the dress looks like.

And there is that word, ettiquette. Unfortunately all societies have to deal with that one.

Keep visiting us, come and vent anytime and we'll get you through this. Sometimes it just helps to talk to other people and remove yourself from the situation. When you go back to talk and shop, you'll feel better.

I'll tell you a little secret....oh, even to all the ladies here, you are very special to have those two ladies fussing over you the way the do, I know it's difficult (I remember my wedding, it had more people than I wanted but my husband and I were very happy in the end).

Have you thought about how happy it might make them if you dressed up (hopefully not all frills and perfume, we are all crossing our fingers that won't happen to you). If you wanted to give them a gift and if you asked them what they wanted and they told you the greatest gift in the world was to see you have fun at your party and to see you all dressed up, then what would you do? Some of that fits into that word ettiquette, and being giving, even if we feel like we are the only ones giving.

We are all pulling for you that they will give a little. Maybe you can start and it will be easier for them.

tanx - i hope you all dont leave me

why do they want me to look like the girliest girly girl anyway

That is just the way moms and grandmas are. Funny isn't it. It's an instinct to want to dress up a girl. Plus they all came from a time where they were formal more often than not, and probably went to more formal functions then we will.

Tanks

i hope i can get through it all

Carrie,

If you need a laugh about this whole situation (and a way to not feel like you are the only one going through this)...

Rent the movie "My Big Fat Greek Wedding".

The scenes where the family is picking out the bridesmaid's dresses and then dresses the bride in her gown (her comment - "I'm a snow beast!") are hilarious!