BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Young Mothers!!!

Violette, I think the point about Britney Spears is important - recently young pregnancies have been very much glamourised in the media. And Happy, you are right - our parents has children in their early 20s but they were so much more responsible - this new generation is all about "me, me, me".

My mother was 23 when her first child was born BUT, she had no job so, starting a family seemed the way to go...
Mum enjoyed her job but she was asked to resign when she married - she was taking the job of a married man - if she had refused, she would have been dismissed...
So, in my mother's case opportunities were limited...
She says herself that she always wanted a family but if she had been able to continue in her job she probably would have waited and had fewer children...

I just want to say that I am a "young mother", having had my son at 22, and he is the best thing in my life. I had plenty of time to "find myself", went to college, traveled Europe, met my husband, and we decided to have kids right away. Kids don't take away your chance to live. For some people, they enhance the things you already do. Of all the things I've done and seen, nothing has been more beautiful than my son's first smile. But I do have to say that some girls really don't do the whole parenting thing for the right reason. And that does irritate me just as much as it does everyone else. I hate seeing girls who feel like they got gyped out of their childhood and blame it on their children, when it isn't the child's fault. And grandmothers raising their kid's kids. I think every kid should have a fighting chance, and some of these girls aren't giving their children the opportunity.

I was in the Gyn office the other week, and there was a 17 year old pregnant girl with her mother in the waiting room with me and other women - they were all giggly, saying this is her second pregnancy; the girl said "well at least I will be getting married next year", and they both continued to laugh like this is some big joke.
Unbelievable!

I don't disagree with the rest of your post as it's very subjective and it's great you're happy with your family.

However children *do* in my opinion, have the potential to take away an awful lot of freedom and 'life' from you.

Obviously, it completely depends on the person... however in my case, if I had a child right now (at the age of 26) I am pretty sure I would resent that child...

I mean, you can't fly on holiday after you're so many months pregnant... you can't eat or drink certain foods whilst you're pregnant or breastfeeding.. and that's even before your child is born! a lot of restrictions are put on you...

Then when your child *is* born.. there is no more 'Hey, fancy a beer?' as you have to make sure someone cares for your child... very little spontaneous things can be planned and absolutely everything revolves around your kid.

But hey, it sounds like we have both made the right decision in life.... I have my cat and he's enough stress and worry for me

I feel like I'm just finding my way now and I'm 28! At the Community College that I am attending, TOO MANY of the students, most just out of high school, are already parents.

There is a girl in one of my classes that is much younger than I am. She talks frequently about her son. She is always missing classes and looks exhausted. The sad thing is, she will be getting an F in the class because she was caught cheating. She doesn't even understand. She just keeps coming to class, thinking it'll all turn out okay in the end.

>I just want to say that I am a "young mother", having had my son at 22,

There is a HUGE difference between "young" being 22 and "young" being a teen -- especially 13!

My personal opinion is that it is best to be married at least a year before becoming pregnant -- because every couple needs some time to get their own rhythms down, and pregnancy changes things. (I'm thinking especially those who get married later in life, and realize that the available time is limited.)

My dh and I were married young, but waited for about 7 years before trying -- and didn't succeed for years. I was 3 months pregnant on our 10th anniversary. So we didn't rush things!

But I find it a sad commentary on our society that so many teens are getting pregnant, some of them INTENTIONALLY, because they don't really have the information they need. (Some think that having a baby will give them love...)

And btw, there were TWO 13 yo's in the hospital at the same time, 6 months pregnant with their second child each. And this was back in maybe late '80s, early '90's. (I can't remember exactly.) I doubt things have improved dramatically.

I was reading an article today about the increasing incidence of child brides in Afghanistan. One 13-year-old was deeply unhappy about being forced to marry her father's 20-year-old cousin, saying that she had dreamed of finishing her education, not marriage. I really feel for the girl. How sad that those girls in the developed world who have the privilege of being able to concentrate on education etc. are apparently throwing it away for the very thing that this Afghani girl has had forced on her.

On a slightly less disturbing note, a girl on my university course had a baby last year (I'm guessing she must be around 21, so it's not that shocking, I suppose). She seems pretty happy and I'm sure she'll make a good mother, but juggling full-time study and childcare looks like quite a struggle, even with help from her partner and relatives. She's had to miss a lot of classes recently because of her baby's illness. I really like this girl, but I was a bit miffed when she was telling me how having a baby has changed her priorities - that she now wants to do really well in her course because she has a responsibility to her daughter, whereas it didn't seem important before. Good for her, but it made me feel as if my own desire to succeed was somehow self-indulgent and unimportant because I was doing it purely for myself. I'm sure that isn't what she meant, but this sort of sub-text is so common...

She was probably not saying it to mean to make you feel bad. It was probably a little pride and arragance though! Sorry you felt you study had been put down.

Just remember, it does not matter what ANY one else says. It is your life and you are living it WELL. If you want to do it for you thats GREAT. What she does is up to her, if her baby motivates her good. But just think; You don't need a baby to motivate you! You are confident enough to trust you, which is wonderful. Good luck with your studies.

I'm sorry, Manatee, but I would've been rolling my eyes at this girl.

Puhleese! Education is more meaningful because you have a child??? I call BS.