BellaOnline Forums Religion and Spirituality Buddhism Do Not Complain for 1 Month

Well part of what makes the tone clear to me is that Bob is from New York and will sometimes say things in a very "Archie Bunker" type of demeaning voice. And to people around here, that will come across extremely poorly. To him, he's just saying something. So the tone is really important in how something is perceived.

So it could just be that Dan is sensitive to tone too - and is taking on a meaning you don't mean. So sometimes just changing your tone is what changes the perceived meaning of what is said.

That's part of what makes email so hard to read sometimes, you assume a tone which is maybe not anything like what the typer meant

Huh. Tell Bob i am from New York as well. Born and raised in NY for my first 17 years, plus I am Italian and Jewish. All outspoken and opinionated! Does it GET any worse? I feel like I am always working on my tone.

So, yeah, I get misunderstood all the time. And I also don't "get" people who are not as outspoken as I was raised to be. It's been tough to fit in outside NY.

And with Dan from The South, there are for sure some issues between what is just talking, and what is complaining. For example, when Seinfeld and George go off, I think it's just fun talk. Dan would say it's complaining. I think where he is from, everyone is more genteel and keeps things inside (which i consider a bit cowardly and for sure unhealthy).

And this is all in one country! I guess it's no wonder why there are wars.

I swear I'd go utterly nuts if it wasn't for my Qi Gong Martial Arts! It's passive, like Tai Chi, but even more calming!
I teach it every week, and though the class is small, that's the way we all love it. it gives the class a closeness, and energetic intimacy that is lost when there are lots of participants!

I wouldn't be without it!

*levitates cross-legged*

"Ohmmmmmmmmmmm"...!!

That is quite a challenge you proposed, Lisa!

I am always one to think and talk about staying positive but actually practicing it on a regular basis is so much more difficult than it sounds.

Just last month, I had attempted to go only one day without complaining but I must admit that it wasn't much of a success. But I'm always up for a challenge and I definitely see how not complaining can open up more room for positive energy flow so I'm going to give it another go and see what happens.

Good luck to everyone else on this mission and I'll be sure to keep you posted!

Yes, Lisa, this is a great idea. There should be a No Complain Holiday every year for everyone in the country.

I will start tomorrow because I may have already complained at some time today.

I was trying to think if I complained when I was with Jeanne, so I'll count from after that. So I think I am good for a day so far

Bob did yell at a person who literally rode beside us the entire time we tried to merge onto a highway even though he sped up and slowed down - so he waved a hand at them in exasperation and they gave us a finger (I guess for not slamming on the brakes or something). I gently reminded him we were supposed to be working on not complaining and I doubted his waving around would qualify But I was careful not to complain about his behavior, but only to point it out as something to work on

We actually got a lot done today - we dropped off an old monitor at a recycle place, dropped off all our cardboard and paper, and I raked half the yard! So I'm feeling positive

Argh. i don't think i can do this for even a day. [insert sound of loud venting and stomping around]

maybe for someone who grew up in NY this is nigh impossible [now insert excuses].....grrrrrrr

he he he

well every month starts with one day - and every day starts with one hour!

Get Dan on board to help you - it won't work well if he is actively undermining your attempts to be content

As far as defining what complaining is in order to stop it, maybe it's not even necessary to define it at all. I think that cultivating an attitude of gratefulness helps to free us from focusing on our percieved complaints. Maybe through a month of gratefulness, we could all stop complaining : )

Well so far I'm definitely becoming more mindful each day of the things I say, and have several times now said something and then thought (or even said) "is that a complaint?" I think I'm doing well so far!

Jill I was thinking of your growing up in NY with ethnically fiery lines. That can be a challenge! But think of all the people who overcome childhood difficulties to be stronger adults. You will appreciate your new calm even more, because you came from such a wound-up childhood!