BellaOnline Forums Family Step Parenting Step mom close in age to kids

The man I'm seeing is 10 years older than me and has a child who is only 11 years younger than me! What kinds of issues will I be facing?

Marian

:music:
You should not be facing no kind of issue because of age, I'm in the same place like you my oldest stepson is 21 years old and my youngest stepson is 9 years old and the son me and my husband have together is 2 years old and my middle stepson just went to college.
So I would not worry about anything regarding age, I found out me and my stepsons had more in common when it came to video games and movies and my husband being 10 older then me did not change things about our family.

I think it depends on your situation. It might seem obvious but, be a good influence. The child may look to you as a friend or even peer but it is best to be a good step parent and role model before bieng buddies. I was once in a simialr situation with the father of my son and his duaghter - 11 years younger. She wanted to drag me into stuff with her dad and wanted to treat me more as a peer. I learned some from that situation- mostly that you have to set boundaries early on and be clear or it can get more complicated than it needs to be.

I am 12 years and 17 years older than my step-sons- hubby is 13 years older and I think that it has made it a little easier to understand them and their needs. I can remember what it was like to be their age.

They mind me very well and I find the things that they are into very interesting and I have a lot of energy to take them places and do things with them. I look young for my age so it does embarass my older step-son when people mistake me for his g-friend.

Hi - I have a similar situation. I married a man 12 years my senior and his oldest daughter is 8 years younger than me. I believe it depends upon several things, as to what you face. If you are doing a prenuptial that should help as the step children are always worried!!! We did one and one child still called me an opportunist. Also, what may be an issue is if you are a different personality than all or any of the children, especially daughters. I am the antithesis of my 3 step daughters and that is a problem for us. So, after much reading, crying, talking, I and (we) have come to the conclusion that tough love works best. The husband has to shield you against any unkindness, put downs, and meanness as best he can. Now do not think I am negative when speaking only of these issues. If only I could speak of issues of LOVE and understanding, but have not witnessed any to date. My husband is a widower. I wish you well and feel free to write me and I hope I can help. I have spent hundreds of hours in reading on the net and also 5 therapy sessions. Sincerely, Jan Marie

This is an interesting question. I think that the key to your success lies with the children's father. He needs to make sure they treat you with respect; you need to make sure you don't overstep any bounds by assuming a "motherly" role. Just be a supportive and positive part of their lives. It's true that you will possibly be able to identify more readily with their issues and can be somewhat of a mediary between them and their father. Relationships take time and energy, no matter what the age difference. Best of luck!

I understand your situation completely, as I just married my husband (19 years my senior) in November 08 and he had a 16 year old son and 20 year old daughter.... We are definitely having some issues, but nothing we cant handle... Step son (16) is a normal pain in the butt, always wanting something yet not wanting to do anything to get it (but [censored] and moan).... and Step daughter (20) just moved back in recently, and is not trying one bit to leave the house, as she has got it made.... I honestly think her father is going to blow up pretty soon though, and tell her she has a month to get out, since she can't do anything around the house, is alwyas gone or wanting to use our vehicle, can't pay the $200 rent (if so, not on time) and is constantly over drawing her bank account on her pay days!!!!!!
Step daughter and I get along fine, she is a sweet girl, sometimes to sweet especially to her rude, and lazy brother.... (she gets that from her father). Now my step son and I butt heads alot of course.... as he is just rude and lazy, and never has anything nice to say unless he wants something.... We're currently dealing with his school work and grades, as I can see every assignment and tardy/absence on-line from his school. So he has been grounded alot lately... as I dont really think that his Dad did much of that until I came into the picture.... (the kids were very spoiled until i moved in) I told him they need to learn to be responsable for themselves, what are they going to do when they are out in the world.... Lord who knows right now, they cant even fry an egg..... but i honestly hope they both leave soon, as I would love to have a child of my own one day, and sometimes when i get home I just want to run to my room because i dont even want to deal with them or hear their voices....