BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids what I really think of women at work

This is really interesting. I agree with this guy on some points, and
I understand his concerns. If I was a hiring manager, I would be
hesitant to hire a woman of childbearing age. I'm going to spell this
out on my next interview, so that employers know I don't plan on going
permanent only to disappear for months, or not come back at all, b/c
I'm having babies. This stereotype and common practice hurts all
women.

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This is great, Happy, thanks for bringing this up. I was wondering whether I should bring up my child free status at an interview. Now I know that I will.

Hey Tress, I'm glad it helped. You know, I just had an interview last week, and it crossed my mind to say something, I wasn't sure what. They ask me on every interview why I moved to Florida, and I say my husband and I were attracted to the weather, and that we just got married and moved down here. And I hope she isn't thinking, oh no, she just got married...

I've heard of women not wearing their wedding rings on interviews b/c they don't want a prospective employer wondering about their plans. I will be careful how I word it though, b/c it could backfire. I think I would just like to say my husband and I got married later in life, and we won't be having any children. That way, I'm not coming across as a neo nazi radical cf feminist. Or something like that. I'm going to think about this. I don't think we owe our lives to work or anything, b/c I know employers always do what they need to do for business, and if that means eliminating your dept., that's what they have to do. So I guess I'm saying if I wanted kids I wouldn't let my job get in the way of that, b/c you could lose your job, and later regret not having those kids. But luckily I and most of us don't have to worry about this.

Back in my younger days, I wanted a promotion at work. The position I wanted paid more, was vacant, and I was already doing that job along with my own job. But I didn't get the promotion because I was young, married, and was seen as someone who would just quit to have kids. I explained my CF status and was totally dismissed and disbelieved - the "you'll just change your mind about that" mode of thinking. The hired a post menopausal woman and gee....guess what? I got to train her and she dumped most of her work off on me. Needless to say I didn't stay there long after that.

Sure, mention your CF status at an interview - perhaps times have changed enough that you will be believed. But don't count on it.

Well, I'm in my 50's and therefore have absiolutely no intention whatsoever of having any children. I''ve not started my menopause yet, but trust me - nothing's going to grow in me except hunger pangs.

I completely, totally, utterly, entirely, thoroughly agree with the man. Sure, as he says, it's unfair. And it's unfair that 'biologically' we are the ones technically and physically carrying the can.
But we have to get over it. It's a no-brainer. We have no choice in the matter.
And frankly it makes me so angry to see women wanting their cake (to have children) and eating it too (farming it out to all and sundry in an effort to juggle and be a "woman of today"!)

make the choice. Job or kids.

Deal with it.

That's exactly what she's thinking.

I hate to admit it, but I've hired dozens of staff to work with me over the years, and I agree with this guy's mindset 100%. If you're married and childbearing age, you're simply a big risk for a small company. I also know that for a lot of my professional life, I was viewed the same way. Now, however, at 41 and with no dependents, people are tripping over themselves to hire me. Go figure.

I have come clean in almost every interview I've ever been to. I usually sandwich it in with the opening - the first thing on my resume is my interests, which tend towards action sports. When I'm asked about that, it's a good time to slide in how I can do these things as I don't have, or intend to have, kids. Or if anyone asks about the animals (also on the resume) I say how much better behaved they are than children. You can slot it in there for sure. Whether they believe you, or mentally bingo you with "you'll change your mind" is another matter, but at least it's out there.

Finally, I'd like to "slap" every woman that gets pregnant, and then leaves it until the last minute to tell her employer that she's not coming back - or worse still, takes a job knowing she's a couple of months gone. People like that do women in the workforce a HUGE disservice.

This really bothers me, too. I knew someone at one of my old jobs, and she was applying for a promotion in another department. And she openly told me she was planning on getting pregnant in the next year. She did exactly that, and she is still working, to her credit. And she is kind of a workaholic, and if anything is suffering, it's probably her child. But still, it was kind of [censored] how she was about it. She knew she taking on a new job, and had a lot to learn, and also knew she was planning on tackling a baby at the same time.

I know it's a double standard, and that makes me mad, too. I understand that during the 9 months, it's the woman that might have to leave early for doctor's visits, to vomit, or whatever. But after that, I don't understand why it's still the woman that is always compromised because of her motherly status. Men never come in looking like a trainwreck b/c they have a baby at home.

I think that what this guy says is dead on. I may have to hire someone in the next year, and I know that the very same points he mentions in the article will cross my mind when I'm interviewing applicants. It is up to the interviewee to be more truthful, and that is much better than me asking potentially inappropriate questions about family life. The truth may hurt to some people reading that article, but that doesn't make it any less true.

I work for the state, which means that it's sort of different from the "real" world out there when it comes to hiring and retaining employees. We get a lot more annual and sick leave, as well as holidays, and so it would seem that raising a family would be easier here than in a lot of workplaces. That said, I could certainly see being passed over for a promotion if I insisted upon popping out a bunch of kids and as a result, being absent a lot. As it is, though, I think I am considered to be an asset to my department, and have gotten promoted, etc., because I do work hard and do not have unexpected absences or things coming up that keep me from getting my job done. I am hoping that my growth in my job continues and I get further responsibilities/promotions/pay raises, but the double-edged sword of working for the state is that while it's great for benefits/leave time, it's not as great for regular raises/promotions....we'll see. I'm still young, so this may not be my last job, but I am certainly spoiled by it so far.

Like my SIL. God that makes me angry. Of course, everyone sides with her "you want her to keep getting her insurance, don't you?" which I think is horrible, especially since she can get insurance through her husband.

Hello everyone,

Is it okay for a 'Married With Kids' to chime in here?

I just wanted to say that I find this a very interesting topic. Also, I think it was a good article and he's quite right in what he suggests because hiring managers are often 'gagged' in what they can ask a candidate, and probably more so with female candidates.

Years ago before the introduction of so many constraints, whenever I hired female staff I actually asked their permission if it was okay to discuss any menstrual cycle issues. I prefaced my need to know whether menstruation was a particulalry bad time for them with, "if these times are difficult times for you, in my company you can signal your personal female days to me 'in confidence' and I'll ensure you have only light duties on those days." On particularly 'heavy days' I made my female staff aware that they were welcome to go home or take those days off. I always thought that was in everyone's best interests.

Discussions like this would probably land me in court today, with my motivations being construed as voyeuristic and perverted.

Please keep in mind, I'm not suggesting to anyone to begin mentioning their personal-cycle in job interviews, I'm just saying that I'm aware that hiring managers can often have all sorts of issues and questions when it comes to hiring women that, quite naturally, don't seem to arise as much with men. Children probably being the biggest one.

Back to the topic, I think it's smart if the job candidate opens up the dialogue with the hiring manager about how they manage their children or in the case of this forum, their position and plans on being and/or remaining child-free.

Then the hiring manager is suddenly, legally 'ungagged' and you're both free to discuss the issue and the hiring manager's concerns openly, both can ask relevant questions and hopefully achieve a mutual understanding very quickly.

Then the candidate can eventually move on to the bottom line question that every candidate should finish the interview with, "Do you see any reasons at all why I wouldn't be suitable for this position?"

Ciao