BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Can I get some opinions, please?

This was spawn weekend for me. Saturday night we were all watching TV together *PUKE*, and scrolling through the channels, we came across a stand-up comedy show on Comedy Central. There was a comedian on it that the spawn just LOVES, because obviously, they have watched this before. My husband turned it on for them, but it was obviously not for kids of 12 and 13. The first indication was the reference to 'getting laid', at which time I told my husband I was ready to go to bed, so I could get out of watching this. The second was a reference to oral sex. I am definitely not a prude, and I love stand -up comedy, but watching this stuff with two little boys just creeped me out! I don't think they should be watching this stuff at any time, with or without us present, but I can't control what happens when they are at home, nor do I care. At that time, I pretty much demanded that we go to bed, and suggested that he find something else for them to watch. As usual, he got [censored] and just turned the TV off altogether, and told them that I didn't think the show was appropriate for them. Of course he wouldn't dream of telling them that HE didn't think it was appropriate.

Anyway, he came to bed with an attitude toward me, and was very unattentive, which is not like him at all. I had to explain to this grown man that there is a reason that comedy clubs are restricted to adults, and that everything is not for kids. He asked me why I thought it was on so early at night if kids shouldn't be watching it, and I told him that the stations probably rely on PARENTS to know what their kids are watching, and monitor it. At any rate, I asked him why he was ignoring me, and he ended up telling me that he was 'turned off' by my righteousness. PLEASE!!!!! I wanted to tell him I was turned off by his stupidity, but I refrained. I am just curious if anyone else thinks I over-reacted. Thanks for reading!

What is wrong with your husband? He must have hit his head or something. I agree with you 110%! CHILDREN who are 12 and 13 (notice, the term children here) should not be watching adult Comedy regarding "getting laid" and "oral sex". It sounds more like your husband wanted to watch it but did not want to be bothered with having to act as a father at that same time. Hmm, doing what one wants to do no matter who is affected or what the outcome may be....I think we call that selfsish! And they call the CF selfish. Interesting.

Sounds like your husband was acting like a big baby. If I had 2 kids at my home, kids who were not my own or who were visiting, I would absolutely NOT even consider, I don't care what their mother lets them do, I would not consider letting them watch a program where sexual content was being discussed. If they were 18, then that is another stoy. But 12 and 13 - for Pete's sake...I'm sure they hear worse in the hallway a school but they wouldn't be hearing about it in my home.

I remember being about that age when "Sixteen Candles" with Molly Ringwald came out. The TV version has the nudity edited out but I begged my parents to go rent the VHS tape (back in the day!) and the very first scene is in the locker room where wham! One of the girls in naked and you see her boobs. My mom got up, stopped the tape, took it out and back it went to the video store - and I was about 13 AND was a girl and I had my own boobs. No mystery there. Now that I am 33, I agree with mom. I would have done the same thing. Kids need boundaries and PARENTS not TV stations (NBC, ABC, CBS or Comedy central) should be monitoring the content of the TV watched by their children.

In my opinion YOU did the adult thing and your husband was either being lazy or just didn't want to turn off a program he was enjoying, no matter who was watching. Tough! You're a parent and that is the way the cookie crumbles. He needs to snap out of it and be responsible. And, he needs to stop undermining you in front of those kids. If he disagrees with you, he should do it out of their ear shot or they will lose any respect for your authority. He was wrong all around. That's my opinion.

I don't think you overreacted, DLEE. Like you, I am not a prude but don't think it appropriate for children to watch that sort of show. I completely agree with you that it is up to parents to vet their children's TV watching. Yes again, your husband has made you out to be the bad guy because he can't cope with being seen to say no - not a good long-time parenting strategy, to say the least. The man should be grateful that you are taking some interest in his children's well-being.

Maybe it's the liberal European in me, but nudity doesn't seem that big an issue to me, and I admit that I don't quite understand your mother's reaction. What would bother me about the comedy show, however, is the context - crude references to intimate sexual acts are potentially much more harmful, in my opinion, to children's understanding of sexuality. Please don't be offended by my comments, jhmd, I think we're just coming from different backgrounds.

You didn't overreact at all. It's inappropriate for kids to watch adult entertainment and he should take responsibility for making sure that his children are watching age appropriate items. You were right to make a fuss about this because you are an adult and the kids are meant to take notice of what you say. He undermined you in front of them and shouldn't have done that. He has the problem, not you.

I am sorry that happened. It must have been painful and uncomfortable, especially infront of his children. That makes it harder.
If he thinks you are self rightous ask him why? then I would have said 'Sorry you felt that way, but actually I was concerned that as their Father you felt it was OK for your Children to see this.' ask him Would your mother have let you?

Do you think he feels that you do not like his children? Is there something more going on under the surface about them? Cos as you said the reaction was quite severe!
I hope it gets easier. You are brave being a step parent when you do not like children. That is really hard, and a huge sacrifice. I take my hat off to you. You must love your husband very much.

You were dead on. It was wrong in so many ways. He should have felt uncomfortable watching it in front of his kids, for starters. Shoot, I'm 36 and I still get uncomfortable when certain topics come up on tv when I'm watching with my parents! It's classic - he just wanted to watch it, and wasn't thinking about the kids at all. I'm sure like you said they've seen this type of stuff before, especially if they are teenage boys! But their Dad shouldn't be watching it with them. Good call!

No, you did not overreact. DW and I like comedy acts, movies, where such topics are discussed, etc, however we are not children of the age of 12 or 13 either -- we are adults. Part of being a parent, be it a parent or stepparent, is to pass on the values that you feel are appropriate for them. When there is a conflict between what is permissible by one person and not permissible by the other, that gets down to the root of something much deeper. If that wasn't much of a problem, his reaction would not have been as deep as it was. Perhaps he thought that you would just be a passive stepparent and let them do what they want to do, because you are not the real mother, and he is the real father? Maybe you had the tenacity to speak your mind about being a stepparent?

As far as the attitudes towards nudity in the US, that is the ingrained view that pervades the society here because of the religious right. The discussion topics of oral sex, etc do bother me as not being age appropriate, because of the potential misunderstandings of views of sexuality between two people at that age.

That is just the way I see it. Of course, some would call me an old fogey/fuddy duddy for having such attitudes, but then that is me.

He's just lazy parent in my book. My BIL was the same way. He would watch totally inappropiate movies and his idea of parenting would be to yell at the kids to leave the room! Now that my sister and him are separated, she gets furious when she learns of the movies that he allows them to watch. (they are 9 & 11) but he hasn't changed, and it wasn't like she stopped him doing this when they were together.

We have our own set of rules at our house. We don't care what my nephews do at home, our house, our rules.

I have to say we are far stricter than their parents are and they respect us much more.

I think you did the right thing. Parents have the responsibility to monitor their children and the information they get from different sources. Kids absorb what they learn from TV or movies or even other adults, and sometimes they think that because they see it happening, then it must be okay. As a parent, you did what you had to do, even if it meant taking the "joy" out of your husband's TV watching.

Still... talk to him and make him understand your side. I hope all goes well.