BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids "I have no time for myself" - I don't buy it

I was just thinking earlier... I was watching that show 10 Years Younger on TLC (I love makeover shows), and there was the typical moomie who really let herself go, heavy, grey hair, terrible teeth, dressing like [censored]. And she did the whole, "I'm so focussed on being a mom, I have no time for myself." And I thought, "You know what? I'm not buying that anymore."

You know what I honestly think? I think a lot of these people are so unhappy with their choices and their lives that they've given up. They are probably depressed... their lives revolve around wiping up poop and buying nice clothes for ungrateful brats. I'm sure there is the odd one who really is so busy with their kids, but I gotta say... I think it's a lot more rare than they think.

I think they just think it sounds self-righteous, like it excuses themselves from letting themselves go completely because they are doing the "most important job in the world" (puke).

I agree. There are many ways to have time to yourself - hell, MY mom did it and she was a single mother!

Not sure how letting your teeth go..has anything to do with having kids???

Hi, I'm not sure what bad teeth really means. I know for me that with four kids going in a miriad of directions, and having a miriad of age groups, and each kid is involved with sports and after school activities it takes a great deal of strength to take care of yourself. I personally do not go out in public without getting nicely dressed and with a bit of lipstick. I love my kids and husband, but my very last dollar each day is spent on them, times are hard money is tight, and my new clothes come from clearance racks in target and walmart. I know other moms that live the same way as I do, and I often wonder if they are depressed with their choices in life too.

I think it's harder to take care of yourself, but it's just another way Moms like to make themselves sound like martyrs. She does sound like she's depressed or something - I know a bunch of moms that look great. And again, of course, I don't know when this woman became depressed. But I hope if she was like that all along, that she didn't go ahead and have kids. If you can barely take care of your own emotional needs, how can you care for another?

It does seem like it's just becoming part of the 'mommy cult(ure)' to go on about how busy you are and how that's an excuse to be depressed and look terrible. If you think about it though, moms would be better parents if they DID take time for themselves and take care of themselves. And, just as informal data information, the moms I know who truly ARE very busy with their kids are happy, keep themselves looking and feeling good, and know when they need some time to themselves. They know that even if you dedicate most of your time/attention to the kids, you still can't be so focused on them that you fall apart yourself.

I can see some of this happening to me. I don't handle having a busy life well and I tend to cut everything that's mine when I get overly "scheduled" and stressed.

I wouldn't get my hair colored as often so I'd look drab. I wouldn't take the time to write regularly, so I'd feel very unfulfilled. Feeling drab and unfulfilled would make me feel bad about myself so I'd easily put on a good 50 pounds (been there.) because I stuff my face when I'm stressed or depressed.

I'd probably continue to get my nails done because my husband loves them and he'd probably "babysit" when I had those appointments. But he's similar to me in getting stressed and epressed when he's too scheduled, so he wouldn't be much help with the kids. He just wouldn't.

Just one more reason I'm CF. Just one more reason if I had ever changed my mnd, I'd have only adopted one kid. I often went with my mom on various errands and didn't stop her from getting things done for herself.

A lot of moms let themselves go. I don't know why that is exactly. I did the same thing when I was married to my ex-husband. I don't think it was my kids though. I was in a bad marriage and didn't know how bad it was until he had been gone for a few months. A lot of moms do everything around the house and the kid related stuff. It can be a lot to do. Husbands should allow their wives a few hours of me time at least a couple times a month.

I have a friend with 2 girls, works several days a week, does all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, does the shopping, brings the car in for repairs, pays all the bills, paints the outside trim, fence, mows the lawn, shovels the driveway, etc ??? and her husband sits on his butt when he gets home from work & on the weekends. I'm not sure that's all that fair. I know I'd be [censored] & be wondering why the heck I was married since I'm just about doing everything.

I am happy that the makeover shows don't take the excuse, I'm a mom- I doesn't matter. Stacy and Clinton always point out, YES, you are a ROLE MODEL, take care you YOURSELF!!!!

Oh! and I wanted to mention, my girls like watching mommy put on her makeup. I always like watching my mom put "her face on", spraying her perfume, etc LOL

It is a good thing to show your children your are interested in taking care of yourself. Being a mom isn't an excuse to let yourself go. Really, I can't think of a good excuse under normal circumstances. Maybe if you are bedridden or something.