BellaOnline Forums Relationships Marriage Trust

I can certainly empathize with you Laura. This may make you feel better. My fiance I trust implicitly but I have to say, it's a different ballgame out there when it comes to other women and even men for that matter.

When my fiance managed a restaraunt he was in actuality returning to a previous position so it would be normal for everyone to be friendly and joke around, etc. There was one person in particular I had very, VERY strong feelings about. She joked around like everyone else, but still that thing, you know? I mentioned it to him. He was receptive to my feelings but told me he could not say that was the case.

One particular night I had stopped by the restaraunt because he asked me to and within about an hour I was as tense as a bear. Couldn't explain it, but lost my appetite, couldn't focuss, etc. I ignored it, because, really, it could be anything, I didn't see anything and I felt very much like what you are describing, no trust issues and very confused as to why I was feeling what I was.

After they closed the restaurant he told me she went through a order-out window that night and handed him a hand written note asking him to phone her because she thought he wanted to but couldn't because I was in the restaurant. I said, "You have got to be joking. This reasoning comes from where??" She was calling him at work and he was not returning the calls.

Anyway, it's possible to pick up on other people's intentions and inadvertantly feel distant with your partner when they're not the ones instigating. Since you trust him and already have feelings about the woman I'll bet it has more to do with her than him. However I agree with phyllis, if you're married and feel you have to go to a party without your spouse, drink less and come home to them and never be afraid to talk openly with the person you love most!

Karen Elleise
Clairvoyance Editor

I have had moments of worry, too. Of course, the biggest worries tend to be when I thought he would be home sooner, and wondered if he was in an accident! Whereas he assumed I knew he would be that late and never called. (Once I actually DID call the hospitals!)

This does not sound quite right to me. Talk to your husband.

Regarding Myrabeth's post, See, that's what I think it should be more like. I understand the other thoughts on married people shouldn't go places without each other, especially sleep over; but on the other hand, my husband is very independent and doesn't feel we need to be attached at the hip (although we almost always are). In a way it seems unfair to not let him do something or go somether because I don't want to, or to put limitations on him. I'm really just trying to figure out how to learn to trust....

Thanks for your input, Karen. I'm glad I'm not the only one. I did talk to him about it. He said he slept on the couch in the basement and she slept on the couch upstairs. He even said to me, you know, I'm very capable of going somewhere, having some drinks, and still keeing my pants on. I felt kind of silly at that point. I suppose if anything happened, it would come out some way, somehow. I just don't want to damage our marriage because of my lack of trust. I say to people that I do this so I don't look dumb in the end; and my friend says to me, yes, but instead you look dumb now.

Laura...Once married, neither partner should put him or herself in a position that could lead to something such as cheating. This in itself can cause the questions you are asking. It sounds to me that your husband put himself in a position that he shouldn't have. Whether anything happened or not...if he kept putting himself in such a position something could happen eventually whether your husband planned it or not. So, I agree that he should have drank less and driven home that night to be with you.

But, please talk to him about your feelings. Be open and honest, but don't accuse. If you accuse, he will become defensive and frustrated which will get you nowhere. Good luck and hope you both have a long happy marriage together!