BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids What would you do...

Interesting dilema. I guess my first approach would be to find out if they'd be willing to adopt because I think the answer to that question shows a lot about "Why" they suddenly want children. For example, if they are willing to adopt, then generally they want the experience of raising a child, any child, and they have the urge to mould and shape a life. If they aren't willing to adopt, it's about passing on the genes and making sure they have a legacy.

To me, the second one is selfish and really you're not going to have too much luck negotiating, but the first opens up doors of communication. Then it's about interaction with children and possibly counselling could help to work out other ways that the need to interact and help children could be met.

I've been genuinely scared of this. Though my husband is a very rational man, and as such unlikely to ever decide kids are a good idea, I have been occasionally concerned. I figure I'd borrow some friends kids for a while, and likely that would be more than enough to put him off, otherwise... I just don't know.

I am a 56 year old male. I have never been married and I never had any kids.

If I happened to be married I would not want any children. I would just want to have a fantastic relationship with my wife and not be tied down with any children.

I would want the woman that I marry to know that I don't want any children ahead of time and if she didn't or wouldn't agree to not have any children than I would not marry her.

Well that's easy to say...but if you met the woman, she agreed on no kids, and you got married...but then down the road she changed her mind and said "I want kids" what would you do? thats the question being asked.

To be honest, I would be thinking divorce.

Thats a good way to put someone off but make sure they are either still in diapers so there are lots of messy diapers to contend with or the age where they are climbing the walls, non stop motion, screaming etc.

There are times I remember when my daughter was that age and I don't know how I got through it. Its certain that at 41 with a bad back and panic attacks, its not something I would want to do now.

Funny! My bf is the same way. We were on our third date when he told me he wants no more children and made sure he wouldn't by having a vas some 13+ years ago. I was glad he told me early. I was still undecided at the time but am firmly and happily CF now.

My DH and I talked about this in some of our discussions about not wanting kids. We both agreed that the worst thing would be to bring a child into the world that one of us didn't want, so we agreed that would be out (although I know if someone really feels strongly they need a kid, it's hard to be rational about it...) We agreed that we're both committed to staying together and that we would do everything we could to work it out--counseling, finding ways to fulfill the kid need without raising one, etc. I'm sure this is all easier to say than actually deal with but that's what our intentions are.

I love what bassgrrl said--that it could very well be a different need in disguise. I could really see that happening with a lot of people and it's important to really explore it and get to the truth without getting sucked into cultural/societal norms that are making you think having a child is the answer.

Counseling. I think that if my husband really insisted and wouldn't have NO for an answer, I would leave him. Plenty of other fish in the sea, as they say. And I probably wouldn't be unhappy alone, either.

But I don't think that we'll get there.

If my guy told me out of the blue he wants kids? I'd smile softly, take him by the hand and bring him to the car. Then I'd drive out with him, take him out of the car, and toss his [censored] in the mental institute where he belongs, because he'd have to be barking mad to change his mind about that. I'm sure after some treatment he'd come back to the real world.

There is NO way he'd say that he wants kids. First off, he knows hormonally I wouldn't be able to bear any without going insane. Secondly, he knows we can't afford it, we barely get along as we are now. Thirdly, he has a herniated disk, which means that he's constantly in pain. Since I'm the one who earns the most, he'd be the one staying home tending the kid, especially since if he's the one who wants it, he's the one who tends it. He's fully aware of this, and in fact would think it grossly unfair for me to take on the majority of the burden of ANY job, never mind a kid. Then again, my guy is one of the sanest intelligent person I know, with a deep core of decency to him.