BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids the parents that die too soon

My friend and I were talking about this the other day. It wasn't exactly about parents, but we were talking about people in the world that not only deal with normal stresses of paying bills, work, etc., but we were saying how much harder it must be for people that don't have anyone family wise.

And this got me thinking about how lucky I am that I have my DH, and my parents, sisters, nephew, etc. And I was thinking about the older parents of today that have kids - what will their kids do when their parents aren't around anymore? I mean, I know we all have to deal with this loss at some point, but I didn't even lose my grandmother til I was in my 30s. And I know successful parents are supposed to teach their kids to be independent. And that's great. But it must still be awful for people that don't have family, or a close network of friends.

My parents drive me nuts at times, but I know if something really awful happens, they would help me and DH out, and be there for us. I know things happen and sometimes parents die young. But I wonder how this new trend of having kids later is going to pan out over time, and what the repercussions might be?

Most human beings are resilient by nature and usually make the best of a situation.

One might think 'I'd never be able to cope with this or that' but when you find yourself in a difficult situation (whether that means losing parents or losing a home in a fire), you just grit your teeth and get on with it.

I totally get you HappytoBeCF,

I'll be 40 this year and the hubby is 42. To me, having or adopting a newborn at 40 or 45 would be so irresponsible. My mom's only 20 years older than me and I feel to fortunate that (barring some awful unexpected accident or condition--God forbid) I will have her in my life for many years to come.

Especially with the way things keep getting more and more expensive in this economy. And money problems lead to stress. We need our parents MORE years now, not less. Not just for financial support (I haven't gotten any help from my mother since I married at 24), but for moral support too. Besides my husband, my mother is my hugest fan and best friend. I don't know what I'll ever do without her. I don't even like to think about it.

Let me give you my point of view on this question, of course its only one opinion but here goes.

My parents were 45 when they adopted me, of course financially there were more settled however the huge difference in age was hard. NONE of my friends parents were as old as my parents, their grandparents were closer to the age of my parents. Now I am 41 my Mother is 86 now and my Father has passed away. My daughter doesn't really have a set of grandparents like children really need.

I personally think you should start earlier in fact I had my one child when I was 30 and wished I had her earlier then that.

There are sometimes other factors at play. My mom was orphaned as a teenager, so I never knew her parents. My dad's parents were in the midst of a nasty divorce when my parents married, and it was long over by the time I was born four years later. I didn't get to know my grandmother until I was a teen. And I didn't like what I found. My dad and grandfather had a falling out when I was 9, and my grandfather essentially erased my parents, brother and I from his life. I essentially grew up without grandparents.

My point is that although my parents had me fairly young (dad 26, mom 23), I still didn't have the grandparents around and they still didn't have parental support during their childrearing years. Anything can happen. And having your kids young is no insurance at all.

Bascially, I have no family except for my DH. Have a couple of cousins floating around somewhere but we have so little contact (maybe twice in 40 years) that I don't even consider them friends let alone family any longer. Families stay in touch because they share common bonds, interests, history - I do not have that with these cousins and never did.

My DH has his kids, a sister and a couple of brothers. That's fine - but they are not family to me. Friends, yes - but not family.

Dealing with a lack of blood relatives is not a problem for me. That's just the way things are and that's that. Would I got back and change that by having kids? Nope, no way and with no regrets.

I was adopted by older people. They were 50 and 52 when I was born. My mom passed when I was 23 and dad when I was 25. It was extremely hard for me but thats the cycle of life. We all are born and eventually die. We don't know when or how. What is important is to remember to live your life.

FOr those of you who were adopted by older parents, more power to them for adopting a child who needed a home. I have nothing but respect for people who adopt.

I have more trouble with people who do invetro, etc at any age, but particularly when they are older... but really, at any age.

In a perfect world, kids would have two parents who had them at a reasonably young age. Adoption is different since the kids are already here and need homes, of course, but I would hope older people or singles would consider older children. Babies are much easier to place with younger couples.

(My father and his wife adopted a newborn at 55 and 43, however, so I'm not throwing stones.)

Back at the time I was adopted which was 1967, there were MORE children to adopt. Abortion was illegal, it wasn't considered a viable option for single Mothers to keep their babies.

My Father had always wanted MANY children, their first child died of Leukemia in a time when there wasn't a good treatment for it. They happened to know someone who had adopted two children and made an off hand statement if the doctor who had delivered their youngest daughter ever had another child up for adoption they would be interested. It was more of a fluke that it ended up happening.

I read about the struggles that people go through now that want to adopt and its sad.

There are no gaurantees in anything but I wish I had started earlier having children. My Father SO enjoyed my daughter for the short time he was around to see her.

Interesting responses! I thought about this after I wrote it, and I guess in some ways, it's kind of the same argument people use to tell us to have kids. You know, what will you do without family. I agree we can create a network of friends that will support us, and that is great.

I started thinking about this b/c a coworker was asking me about my family, and telling me her Dad died of a heart attack years ago, and her stepmom remarried, and doesn't have much to do with her now. She has a lot of issues, and I can't help but think part of her problem is that she doesn't really have a foundation. And she seemed so envious of the fact that I have a family. She seems really lonely and lost.

I guess everyone is different and some people seem to handle things better than others. I know it would have been really hard for me not to have my parents around. They had me really young, my Mom was 20, and my Dad 22. And sometimes I wish they waited a little bit longer until they have worked out their own stuff, instead of passing their dysfunction on to me LOL. My grandmother was in her 40s when I was born, and that was awesome! She was a cool, hip grandmother and I'm so glad I got to spend so many years with her.

I also have the utmost respect for couples that adopt. I know a couple that is desperate for a child, and probably won't be able to adopt b/c of a stupid mistake the husband made while he was in college. Meanwhile, they allow birth parents to keep their kids even if they mistreat them. Where's the justice there?