BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids What would you do...

So a topic came up at work last night: My staff members know that I am CF and by now most of them are accepting (or the few that shun me like the plague). But a question was asked. "I know you will never want kids...but what will you do in 5 years if your wife suddenly changes her mind"?

It brought up some interesting thoughts, and when it came down to it I replied with "I would leave her".

What do you think? What decision would you make (or have allready made) if you had too?

Although my dh has a greater chance of growing a second head than coming to this conclusion, I'd say couples counseling. The 'need' for a child could be a different need in disguise and I'd want to explore that.

Yeah, counseling to explore the issue may help in that situation. Or not. I found that the one time my DH and I went to a counselor that all of a sudden I had 2 men looking at me like I had 2 heads instead of just one. That counselor was definatley biased towards the male viewpoint and nothing I could say was going to change that one bit. So that approach is not always the answer.

If you and your spouse have discussed and agreed on the issue before marriage and come to a mutually acceptable decision on the topic of kids, then changing the rules in the middle of the game is not fair. If one party later decides they must have a child then the other party has to decide whether to fish or cut bait.

Luckily I can't imagine ever having to deal with the issue...but it would scare me to think of what I would have to do if it did come up.

The "I would leave her" part seems cold at first, but then, after having been a step mom myself and someone who never wanted kids....I wish I had the good sense back then to hang up on my future husband during our first phone introduction.

If her being CF and not wanting kids is part of what attracted you to her in the first place, then that changes.....well...then before the separation - I would try counseling to see if that works.

If not - then I guess you folks would have to walk away from the marriage.

Rock on, Skeeter. It's the perfect answer for someone who asked a question that was none of her business. I hope it shocked her.

What would I do? That's really hard. Counseling first, yes. If he insisted I have a baby, I just don't think I could do that. I've loved him for 24 years and I couldn't see my life without him, so I would consider adoption if it's something he dcided he had to do--but I'd push for an older child. And I doubt he'd want a baby anyway.

But I love your answer. In fact, I've used it on nosey people just to shut them up.

A passive-aggressive approach would be to keep putting it off, saying "in 2 years if you still want to"...all the while knowing that once you get her to age 32 and beyond, it will get harder to conceive. Then, I'd still agree and start secretly taking the male pill if it was invented. I think a lot of people think conception will just be automatic once they decide to do it, and what will they do if it doesn't work out perfectly?

Hmmm I don't know how much of an option that would be..because I really do love her, and can't see decieving her if it's that important to her.

Yeah, I thought of that too. Sorry if that suggestion was too slimey. I wasn't really serious.

I agree with your answer, since I know how strongly you feel about it.

But if you weren't SO set on being CF, I think the discussion would have to go a little further to explore what would happen if it doesn't happen that easily. Would you be willing to go through fertility treatments? Adopt? Foster? How much money would you be willing to lay out to make her "sudden" change of heart come to be? At what point would she be willing to give up? Of course, i know your answer on those...

Oh don't worry about being slimey..no big. I just don't know if I can do it...and I don't even know if i want to go through the stress of trying to figure out what she wants to do