BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids EGGS

A few years ago a friend of mine told me she was looking into selling her eggs. She said she figured she had highly desireable genes and could fulfill a subconscious desire to spread them around without having to bear any of the responsibility. She thought it was a win/ win. She would make a nice sum of money and put her DNA out there.

I wasn't sure what to make of that. In a way it seemed like a good idea, but I couldn't help feeling a little cold- like- I think it would be upsetting to know that I might have children out there in the world but have no way to care for them. I think I would feel the burden of responsibility even if I didn't give birth or care for them.

I don't think she ever went through with it, but it got me wondering about people's supposedly innate desire to reproduce. I never was keen to see little vespertines running around breakin' stuff. Seems to me that most men out there are more concerned with having sex than making babies. Likewise I always thought those baby crazy mommeewannabees were more concerned about infants than about what those infants would become. Am I totally off- base? Is it really the majority opinion that "normal" folks want to see little copies of themselves everywhere?

Well I can tell you with my one friend who has kids, she told me that the idea of seeing what she and her fiance produced was a major lure. I...Found that REALLY disturbing actually. Makes me wonder how many people decided to have kids just because they wanted to see if they would get their daddy's eyes, or mommy's nose, instead of actually thinking about what kind of world they're being brought into.

There's a computer program (or maybe it's on a website) where they take both partner's traits and photos and show you what their kids would look like. I can't remember where I saw this now, but I thought it would be a fun thing to do since we won't be having any real kids other than the 4 footed kind.

But to have kids just to see what they'd look like? Oh, hell no.

Not surprised she decided not to go ahead with it - apparently egg retrieval is a horrible business - I've spoken to a few women who shudder at the thought of going through it again...
Why do people have babies? All sorts of reasons...
Some women have romantic notions of motherhood - it often happens in the heady early stages of a relationship - this dreamy rose coloured view of motherhood - it puzzles me - I wonder whether there's a hormonal link...this might also, explain the "final panic" experienced by so many women.
Hormones are powerful things - I once read the maternal urge needs to be strong to encourage women to bear children - a life threatening thing until fairly recently...the maternal instinct overrides the self preservation instinct - makes sense to me...
AND, for many it's often "the next stage" of life..."we're ready to have a baby"...IMO many people feel it's something you HAVE to do at some point in your life or you'll regret it later on - many put it off until the very last minute - first baby at 46! (one of my colleagues)
I've often found that men don't give the topic much thought - like it's up to the woman OR he assumes it's something that just happens after you commit - many can't really say why they want kids - I guess many men just carry on with their careers and interests after fatherhood so perhaps, it's not such an important topic for them...
AND, some men seem to think kids are a symbol of their virility, passing on the genes and name...
The last group - men and women that just know children will be part of their life.
(oh, and the group where pregnancy "just happens" through lack of sex education, indifference, contraceptive failure & oops pregnancies.)
I once read that having kids was the "ultimate expression of ego"...I suppose some people are curious to see what their kids will look like - although it seems a frighteningly thin/superficial reason to have kids to me...
I agree many women think of kids in terms of babies...I've often wondered about this focus - the baby stage only lasts a short time...
It's like people who want kittens and puppies and not cats and dogs - the balanced view IMO is to enjoy the early stages but look at the entire picture and responsibility.
I'm not sure we have the patience and energy for another kitten - think we might opt for another adult abandoned "death row" cat...take the cat that no one wants...
If I had to point to a major reason why people have kids - I think I'd go with..."it's something you HAVE to do at some point in your life or you'll regret it later"...
I've seen lots of people delay having kids until their late 30s or older...IMO trying to "get in" as much of life as possible before they have kids OR reluctant to give up their lifestyles OR so uncertain about parenthood they wait as long as possible before taking the plunge...also, a few that seemed very unsure but in the end didn't have the strength to stand by their convictions in the face of spousal or family pressure.

Well said Deb....

My ex and I did this in Las Vegas. He thought it was cute - I thought it looked like a ugly, snotty little brat, and was way better virtual than real!

That must be where I saw it. We were there this summer. Maybe at a local fair too.

A lot of people I knew were having babies a year or two ago (what prompted me to start looking for CF-ers on the internet), and now their babies are not quite babies anymore, so the reports of sleepless bliss are starting change. I'm now hearing more things like:
"Where did my darling baby go?"
"Oh the constant whining"
"Oh the demanding"
"Still no sleep, less than ever"
"I have no idea what I'm doing"

It's just kind of confirming what I always felt would happen to me...I'd be okay with the baby portion (except that I hate losing sleep...I don't what would happen), but it's after THAT when it gets really hard.

You know, I hate to admitt this but every once in a while I think that I should donate eggs. I REALLY don't want to use them myself, and evidently there are women out there who would really want them.

I don't think I'd actually do it because of the reasons stated above- it would be too weird to think about having that egg be born to someone else, and also it is a major medical thing to get the eggs out (although much easier than getting a baby out).

I also just can't believe that there are women out there who would grow someone else's egg inside of them rather than adopting. I do not understand that AT ALL. Is it just to please the husband? Because it will have his genes, but not hers...

Yep they change. But like anything, you have to change with em!

You are right Frieda7, I get to hear those moans too, and I have sadly been guilty of making them! Not anymore. I shall enjoy the stage we're all in!!