BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids An interesting insight....

I had an interesting chat tonight to a CF woman in her late 30s...we have retained her to restore the leadlight windows in our home.
She was the eldest of 6 kids - the family home was noisy, messy - her mother was always exhausted and irritable and her parents often argued or "snapped" at each other.
Her Aunt and Uncle lived close to the family home - they had no children which was very unusual in their circle. She said from about 10...she started to spend more time at their home - they lived sooo differently - she noticed that her Aunt and Uncle spoke to each other "nicely" - they did thoughtful things for each other, they were calm and happy and lived well...
In the family home dinner time was noisy and chaotic with basic food, poorly presented...
She came to think of her CF Aunt & Uncle's home as a haven - "like paradise"....she loved dining with them...it was an occasion...the lace tablecloth, the interesting conversation, music, wine & candles and delicious food...
She was puzzled to hear other relatives say things like "Poor J & L - no kids - what a sad life"....she had no idea why people might feel that way...she saw something completely different - two blissfully happy people.
In her late teens it became clear her Aunt & Uncle were CF - not CL...
She said being exposed to a different lifestyle was a real eye opener for a young girl...
It made her stop and think - she maintained an open mind about children until the final decision was made last year and her husband had a vasectomy.
AND, now her Aunt & Uncle join them for dinner - they are great friends..
Just goes to show - the more CF couples around - the more people will hopefully see parenthood as a choice in life - not something you "just do" or "let happen"...and IMO that's a good thing.

very interesting. yeah, i've always craved more CF people in my life and think i may have come to this decision sooner had i had more examples to learn from. i did, however, somewhat relate to the above story. my aunt is CF and is one of my favorite people in the world. she has been a mentor, friend, confident and true inspiration to me in the way that she has chosen to live her life--free from societal constraints. i never focused much on the fact that she didn't have kids b/c there was so much else TO focus on. it wasn't until i began struggling with this issue that i realized what an amazing example i have so close to home.

How nice, I love stories like this one!
BUT...it is so curious how many people feel sorry with CF couples...

Aren't they able to see that there are alternative paths of life?
....Or are they just ignoring the happiness of these people?


Many people think that everybody HAS to be highly pleased with the same things...
...such people seem very close-minded to me...!

Juliana

Heh, I think I've managed to be that influential aunt...One holiday when I was visiting my parents, my sister-in-law came over with her slew of kids. During a semi-quiet period after dinner I was sitting at the table with her and her eldest daughter, who announced that she doesn't want kids. (she was 13) Her mother looked a bit baffled, but knew she couldn't say anything bad about being CF since I was sitting right there. ;D

Heee!

my DH was talking to my in-laws yesterday and my MIL told my DH " the stress has left the house." she was talking about my niece and nephew who stayed over the night before. she told my DH that one was acting up and the other one was sick all night. it sounded like she couldn't wait for them to leave. i dont' know if my SIL and BIL were over too(i would think so) but it still caused a lot of stress.i told my DH that no wonder why his parents are so supportive of our decision b/c when they visit us from germany they must think that our place is a safe haven. i mean we can take of ourselves. the know enough english to get around and go places while we're working or they can just sit and chill when they want.i know they really love my niece and nephew but i can also understand how it must be for them sometimes.

indigo