BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids I have seen the light

Hi All � I�ve been lurking on the forum for a while and I�ve posted some responses to some threads, but I�ve never formally introduced myself.
I�m 28, married for almost 3 years. I�ve never been fond of children, but I always thought I�d have some, mainly because that�s just what people did. I knew in my heart that I didn�t have the patience or desire for children, but I figured that at some point I would get bit by the mommy bug and my �maternal instincts� would kick in. When my hubby brought up the question of �when should we have kids?�, I almost had a panic attack. All I could think was, �I�m not ready for my life to be over.�

Now don�t get me wrong, it�s not like my hubby is baby crazy. In fact, when I told him that I didn�t feel like I was ready, he said, �Neither am I, but it�s getting to be that time.�
It�s like he never gave it much thought either. So I�ve been having these conflicting emotions lately, like maybe there�s something wrong with me. It is such a relief to read some of your posts and know that I�m not alone.

Last night I went to the hardware store and as I was walking down one of the aisles, there was a little girl (probably about 6 or 7) with her father. As I walked past them, the little girl just stared at me, and in my head I thought, �what are you staring at you little brat.� I know, mean huh. Then as I was leaving the store and walking to my car, I passed a hatchback with a kitten in the back. The kitten watched me walk past and my heart just melted. I love cats and this one was so cute. I just smiled at the animal and my mood instantly lifted. I think that�s a very telling sign.

~Moo

Hah, I think you've already seen that a LOT of us would do exactly the same thing as you in that case.

Sounds like it's time for the "Is NEVER a good time for you?" conversation with the hubby. Since he seems to be just following the script on this issue, but not passionate about it, I think it will go quite well.

As I read the last part of your post, I visualized that kitten, forelegs up on the window, eagerly watching passersby, and I melted just imagining it...

I agree with myrabeth--it is probably time to seriously consider with your DH if you don't ever want kids. And welcome! Glad you have found a safe haven here and I look forward to hearing more from you.

And as for the kitten, my heart would melt too!

HI Froggy_Moo!

OK, first of all your post caught my attention right away for two reasons-
A) I am also 28 and have been married for almost 3 years

and

B) The part about the little girl staring at you in the hardware store... I HATE it when little kids stare at me! I mean, when a little kid smiles at me, that's one thing, but it really creeps me out when a little kid just STARES at me....I hate it.

anyway, welcome to the forum!

Thanks for the warm welcome everyone. I have brought it up to my hubby and he says that even though he doesn't have a burning desire to have kids, he can't see growing older and not having them. I can see where he's coming from, but I also believe he's never seriously thought about it.

on_a_roll - I totally know what you mean about kids staring at you. I always want to tell them, "Haven't your parents ever told you it's rude to stare."

I'm right there with ya. I can't stand it when they stare, either. Creepy. And God forbid they talk to me -- I hate stupid questions. I was delayed in an airport last year, and I just happened to be reading Nikki DeFago's Childfree and Loving It (an excellent read, by the way) when this 7 or 8-year-old started staring at me. She could clearly read the cover of the book, but she asked about it anyway...to put me in the hotseat?

"Whatcha reading?"
Not wanting to go there, I just smiled and said, "A book."
She looked at the cover again and said, "What's it about?"
"About not wanting children," I said.
"Why not?"
My irritation meter had gone from zero to 60 in 2 seconds. I thought, Kid, if you want to be so bold as to just walk up to strange adults and start stupid conversation instead of sticking by your mother or reading a book yourself, here's what can happen...
"Because I don't like them," I said.
She just stood there dumbfounded for a second before turning around and going to stand by her mother.

Truth is, I actually do like (well-behaved, gracious, well-mannered) children. I think of them more like walking science projects than cute little humans, but hey, at least I like some redeeming qualities in some of them.


Uh-ohhh...not the best response, but I suppose it could be worse. Do either of you read at all? I'd recommend a humerous book that compares your current life without kids to life after the babies come -- the differences in your daily routine, the things you give up, the places you don't go, etc. It's called Baby Not on Board - A Celebration of Life Without Kids by Jennifer Shawne. Reading/sharing that book would be a nice, light-hearted way to introduce this major decision and gradually start discussing it at greater length.

Welcome Moo,
I'm new here too, though you wouldn't know it by how many posts I have under my belt. (In public I'm quiet. Online I'm gabby.) I'm glad you're here.


Those are my exact thoughts every time I think about it too. I'm 39, BTW. Though I'd never go through a pregnancy, I still wouldn't want to adopt kids if I was any older than I am right now.


Did you ask him what he meant by that? Is he saying he wants to consider having them soon even if he doesn't feel ready yet?


Oh, no, sweetie. You're not alone and there's nothing wrong with you.


If it helps, I'm like this too.

Welcome Moo! I feel much like you do.
I also have a special fondness for your name, because it's the same as my dog's name! The family who we got her from named her Moo Moo, because she was the biggest puppy and loves to eat. For her adult name we altered it to Mooka, but we still call her Moo or Moo Moo (and many other variations). : )

You have to understand that my hubby is a planner. His train of thought is that if we have kids by a certain time, we can retire by a certain time. Also, he said he doesn't want to be the 40 year old guy with a toddler.