Hi. I wasn't really sure where to post this, but this forum seemed to be pretty general. Just looking for a little insight.
Here's the story. My husband's parents have the worst marriage. They were high school sweethearts and have been married for almost 30 years, but FIL is never home. He works on different job sites and is away the majority of the time. When he is home, he doesn't pay MIL any attention and when he does he makes belittling comments to her.
About 9 months ago MIL calls my hubby crying saying FIL has been having an affair for the last 3 years. She proceeds to wail for 2 weeks, calling almost everyday to lean on my hubby for emotional support.
Naturally my hubby is upset. Upset about his parents marriage and upset that his mother is so distraught.
After the two weeks of crying, MIL forgives FIL and they go on like nothing happened. My hubby was very mad that she forgave him so easily. He didn't talk to his father for 6 months.
MIL sends an email to my hubby asking him to, "Please talk to your father so we can close this chapter and move on."
So he obliges.
Fast forward to this weekend. MIL calls on Saturday night crying. Apparently she and FIL were arguing and he beat her up and then left. So she's telling my hubby all the details of this fight (and I mean every last detail, every punch) and proceeds to say things like, "I don't know what I did wrong." "I tried so hard to make it work" "I don't want to be alone".
So now hubby is furious with her, first for taking FIL back after the affair and second for putting all the blame on herself.
I just have to say here that we live 3,000 miles away, so there's not a lot we can do. Hubby's brother lives about 400 miles from MIL so hubby calls his brother to tell him what happened and asks him to go down and check on their mother. Keep in mind that this was about midnight on Saturday.
So hubby tells his mom "Don't worry, brother will be there tomorrow. Everything will be ok."
Next day (yesterday) my hubby calls to check on his mother and she tells him, "Oh I'm fine. Just sitting here watching tv. I called your brother and told him not to come. I'm ok." Like nothing happened!!!
So now my question is....Is it ok for her to keep putting my hubby, her son, in the middle of her relationship problems if she isn't willing to do anything to make a change in her life? I feel like she's just using him as an emotional crutch and I hate watching him get upset because she's sharing things with him that she probably shouldn't be sharing. She's chaging the dynamic of their relationship as mother and son, and putting undue pressure on him to bare the burden of her problems.
I just don't know what to do. I would appreciate any feedback.
Thanks,
Moo
