BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Frightening The Missionaries

I know! That's what really made us mad. Not to mention opening the doors. We thought about calling the police, but didn't do it. Still thinking about it though.

At our old house, we had Mormons, Jehovah Witelesses and then we had every Baptist branch on the block and it was not good enough to go to the Baptist church down the road "OH NO dont cha know they going to hell?" and they would tell you how every other church was also going to hell and why!!! oh yeah Just the church I want to go to the church of I'm better then they are and they know more about the other churchs and religions faults then they know about God... not to mention I worked nights and they can by just about the time I got to sleep!! oh yeah Sign me up honey! NOT!

One time I answered the door with nothing but a towel on! this of course was an oops on my part! my husband had just left and i was going to get into the shower when I heard the knock on the door I really just thought that it was my hubby how forgot something like his keys... anyways I open the door and this couple of ladies were on the otherside instead of my husband! they bounced right into how they could save me from my evil ways so I just drop my best smile and the towel and invited them in by saying "Dont knock it before you try it you may like it! please come in!"

I have never seen any one run that fast in high heels! I loved it! Homophobia can work in your favor! was all my husband said as he laughed his A$$ off all day at work! I am very modest but you know when I get feed up...I get creative!

Hilarious story, Louie. I'm still mopping coffee off of my computer

Here is my best "running off missionaries" story:

So...one day some religious types come up my driveway with the object of converting me. Never did get around to saying what denomination they were...just when I opened the door, my ram let up a loud Baaa which distracted them and they turned to look at the sheep. Just the one Baa had alerted the entire flock to the possibility that there might be grain or apples coming their way.
I'd managed my flock so all the Jacob sheep (save one) had 4 horns and had about 25 or so horned sheep at the time.

Can you imagine the reaction from the missionaries when they were suddenly confronted by an entire flock of Satanic GOATS? And that they all suddenly appeared from every direction as if commanded by some mysterious force? They literally ran for their lives! The sheep got their apples - I figured they'd earned them

The rest of the story, as Paul Harvey would say...Jacob sheep are an ancient breed - now classed as rare & endangered. Rams & ewes both have from 2 to 6 horns. The sheep are white with black spots. The name of the breed comes from the Biblical story of Jacob. Had the missionaries known their Bible, they would have realized that the Satanic Goats were actually Biblical Sheep.

OMG, you guys crack me up!!!! My DH heard me laughing, and he was in the basement!

The best story I have is when a group of churchies came to our house, and started spouting off a bunch of rhetoric, and said something about the upcoming elections and how religion affects our government. DH asked if they voted for Bush. The one woman stammered, "I don't think that's any of your business." DH asked again, and she admitted yes. DH threw down the broom he'd been using outside and told her point-blank to get off our property. She asked if he were serious, and he picked up the broom again and had a threatening look on his face. The group ran away. Come to think of it, I don't think that particular church has ever been back to our house.

That reminds me of a friend of mine whose father and mother split up when he was young. He told me that one of his earliest and best memories of his dad was when some Jehovas Witnesses came to the door. He said he found something to stand on so he could watch from the window as his dad chased the people down the street brandishing a broom and letting forth a tirade of the most profane oaths those people likely ever heard.

Incidentally this is probably the reacton we would get if we went door to door with pamphlets-

"could you spare a few moments of your time ? We'd like to speak to you about your decision to procreate and the environmental impact each additional human life has on the planet..."

My husbands father has one of the best responses I've heard...
he greets with "state your business!" and responds with "leave the property"

OMG. I'm going to have to print these out. I love it.

I love you all. I have found my people.

There's an Australian comedian called Kevin Bloody Wilson, and he is hilarious, if rather vulgar.

One of the funniest things he's ever done is a song called "The Festival of Life". The first time I heard it, I laughed until I cried and my stomach hurt. If any of you are fortunate enough to be able to find it on the net, and don't mind the language, it's hysterical - and everyone in this thread could relate.

Edit : actually, it's on You Tube ... but please do watch the language ...

These are great stories. Thanks guys!