BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Frightening The Missionaries

Greetings - Pikasam's story about the church people and the pile of earth to be moved reminded me of something a little improper that I pulled many years ago. I worked nights back then, and had lots of trouble sleeping days. I was just finally beginning to doze off one mid-morning when there's a knock at the door. I drag myself out of bed, throw some clothes on, and answer the door. I find this totally sweet, totally pure looking girl who asks me, "Would you like to come join us at the Generic Church on Whatever Street?" I told her, "Thank you, but I'm really just not much interested in church," and made to close the door (gently) and go back to bed. She grabs the door and says, "But you HAVE to be interested!" "Sorry, no," I said a little gruffly and made to close the door again. Then she wails, "But what about the CHILDREN?" I asked her, "How do I have any effect on anyone's children?" She looks at me like I've got three heads and says, "YOUR children!" So, I begin to set her straight and tell her that we haven't got any children. At this, she actually backs up a step, as if the contamination would engulf her, too, and says, "But you HAVE to have children!!" I told her we were not interested in children and then explained briefly that we had no money, time, space, patience, nor desire for children, and that we would not be having any. She gives me another really un-comprehending look and say, "No no! You HAVE to have CHILDREN!"

At this point, I'm getting a little ticked off, but wanting to stay calm so I can at least rest comfortably. Then, the light went on in the back of my head (the Grinch had a wonderful, awful idea). I gave her my most radiant, beaming smile and said, "OK, I'll have children. The bedroom is down that hallway. Go on back. I'll be back in a moment and we'll get started."

She just absolutely locked up for about ten seconds, making a deer in headlights look like a well educated PhD, then it finally sank in what I had said. Her eyes opened so wide that you could actually see where the tiny muscles attached to the eyeballs. Next moment, she turns around, and breaks and RUNS down the front walk, pulls a hard right turn, and goes running about Warp Factor Twenty-Three up the street. Believe it or not, I never heard from nor saw her again.

The whole rest of the day, I was so convulsed with laughter that I couldn't sleep anyway.

I guess I'm just evil and twisted......

U R AWSM

Great story, Louie! How I laughed!

Way to go! If I actually answered the door for strangers, I might be so creative.

What a nutter.

It reminds me of the times that the mormons have come visiting. They want to talk to me about joining their church, so I ask them to come inside. Of course, since they're two young men who apparently can't control their sexual desires, and I am a lonely woman who will try to seduce them and steal their holy sperm, they can't actually come into my house unless my husband is there to protect us all. The question makes them uncomfortable and they leave pretty quickly after that.

HAHAH Louie! That's just beautiful!
Tress, the mormons up here must be either purer or so corrupted it doesn't matter to them if they're condemned by being alone in a room with a female, because Sylvansoul wound up speaking to a pair for a good week. She just wanted to debate theology, they of course were trying to convert her. It finally broke down when they tried telling her that she's going to hell because she's chosen the wrong religion, and there's no getting around it.

That's classic Louie. Yes, you are very evil, but wow, that girl is an idiot.

We had a little encounter with some Jehovah's Witness the other day that was really invasive. We were outside gardening in a hidden area, and saw this new white Honda Element with black stripes and dark tinted windows drive into our driveway. They pulled all the way up as far as they could, and then several people jumped out and raced around to every doorway on our house. We watched as they opened the mailbox, and opened the screendoors. At that point we decided they were either missionaries, or burglars, so we let our very affectionate and friendly Australian Shepherd loose to go "greet" them. Ha ha! Lady in nice dress gets an 80 lb dog's paws on her chest, and hopefully a run in her nylons. For once I'm glad my dog is so poorly trained and still jumps on people too much. We ran over, and my husband rather abruptly confronted them and said, "What are you doing??"

This woman looked all sheepish and said, "We're your neighbors and we left you an invitation. After they left we saw what it was.

It felt very invasive and obnoxious. And we don't believe they're are neighbors really. It [censored] me off. So, I'm glad you said that Louie!!

O_O Well that's trespassing, wonder if you could spread the word to your real neighbors that people are running around their property.

A couple of Christmases ago Jehovah's Witnesses visited my home to tell me about their religion. I spoke kindly to them at the door (they did not come inside) and took their pamphlet. Then, when they were ready to leave, they simply said something like -- Goodbye, we'll be back to see what you learned from our pamphlet. I said "ok, sure thing. MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!" They stopped dead in their tracks, turned and looked at me with confusion. Then, they just walked away. They never came back

Actually, it is illegal (a felony, I think) to open someone else's mailbox. Only you and the mail service are supposed to open it.