BellaOnline Forums Family Midlife career question

I am wondering if any of you have had to deal with a younger supervisor at work? I am 41 and have a 34 year old "team leader" who is a control freak as well as power hungry. She is also moody and unpredictable - I never know if she is going to be agreeable or not, and constantly tiptoeing around her is causing me a lot of stress. One minute she wants to be friends and go to dinner with the team, and the next minute she is walking away from us while we are talking to her. I can't deal with people who behave this way.

I'm especially nervous because she will be evaluating me. She is new to this position and seems to be taking herself much too seriously. Any suggestions?

Sorry that I can't be of help. I hope things go well for you.

My "younger supervisor" would be my son... ;-) (I homeschool.)

I understand how you feel. Just be professional. Keep you calm always. Whatever happens, she's your superior, so regardless of her age you should respect her. Follow her orders accordingly. But not to the extent of allowing her to exploit you. With that, you can confront her and correct her as an older friend or colleague. I hope this helps.

How unfortune that you must take direction from such a person. It sounds like it is not so much her age that is the problem but her moodiness.

I agree with Jon -- being professional is always the best course of action. And resist any temptation to be friends with her when she is in a "good" mood.

If her unprofessionalism goes beyond just moodiness and she exhibits poor judgement or unfair treatment, be sure to take notes that may be useful if you need to make a complaint. Hopefully, her initial overzealousness will fade in time.

I agree (with everyone LOL). It's sounds like a personality issue.

I've worked for both those that are older and younger than me. I think it just depends on personality.

Thank you all for your insight and feedback. Things are going okay at the moment, but I'm being evaluated in a couple of weeks. Wish me luck!

Turns out I'm not the only person who feels this way. The others on the team are frustrated by her as well. It certainly helps to know it's not just me.

I have been taking notes, Diana. I agree that it's good to have specifics and dates, just in case.

Lighten up.
Have lunch together.

The reason she does that is because you 2 haven't known each other very well...

Personally, I'm just not of the mind that everyone can be everyone else's friend, especially in a work environment. The people you work with aren't people you've selected to be with because of their qualities; they are people you must be with to perform your job. It's so wonderful if it works out but I wouldn't expect it to. I've discovered that thinking anyone can be my friend is one of the biggest myths of my life.

I think it is wonderful to have a good rapport with people at work but I don't agree with Jane (politely) that trying to befriend a boss that is unpleasant will improve things. I am usually in favor of the direct approach to discussing problems but it does involve a risk and unless it effects your ability to do the job, the complaints will only be personality-related and she is not obligated to be "liked" by everyone. Please note that I would consider any behavior that a boss shows toward an underling that is disrespectful (humiliation, for example) CAN affect a person's ability to do the job and should not be allowed.

Hi Diana,

This brings up another interesting topic... why would we feel the need to be friends with everyone? It's okay to not like everyone we meet... it's okay if someone doesn't like us. Thinking I could be friends with someone is also one of the greatest "myths" of my life LOL! I'm really glad I am getting to a point where I'm not letting that stuff matter to me.

Hey, with moving into our 40s and 50 it seems only fair to have a "who cares what others think of me" attitude

Hey, it's nice to know someone agrees with me, Deanna. I think the attitude that we must like everybody and we must give to everyone is the cause of much suffering. I think it is best for society if everyone is treated with respect but friendship should be a choice and not a requirement since it can cause a lot of resentment. Personally, I've learned to be very selective about my friendships and this has resulted in a big improvement in the quality of my life.