BellaOnline Forums Religion and Spirituality Atheist Teens Dropping Out of Church

I have found that most kids and young adults who leave church are really just rebelling against their parents, trying to assert their independence and seperateness. Then when they grow up, and no longer need to rebel, they frequently return or choose a church of their own.

I don't agree that all churches treat children as objects to be indoctrinated. I certainly don't see that in my church. The very youngest children are told they are responsible for their own conversion, even if they're born into the religion. They're taught how to pray and get their own answers, and told that it's their responsibility to do so and not to just lean on their parents' testimonies. When they're baptized at age eight, they have to be interviewed, and yes, I've known parents who were told their child couldn't be baptized because the child wasn't ready or didn't want to be baptized.

I think you lose fewer children if they get their own testimonies at a young age. It's the ones who weren't allowed to think who fall away.

We have lesson manuals and regular teacher training, as well.

I think people are willing to be fast and loose with their own lives but when a little child comes along they want to raise the child "properly" - and if THEY were brought up in a church environment they think that is the way to do it. It's like sending kids to school. You do it because it's what you do with children. Yes some people are now considering homeschooling but for the vast majority of people, kids just go to school so they do it. They want to do what's "right" for kids.

So I don't necessarily think of it as a mindless herd instinct, but that there is a set blueprint for things kids go through and when you're a new parent it's very scary to have this awesome responsibility, so you follow the blueprint.

Also, it provides a built in social group for the kids with other children who hopefully have a moral code. A lot of parents are worried about their kids swearing and hitting and getting into drugs. You get at least some sense with a church group that they are being taught in those areas and that the kids they all hang out with will be a good influence ...

I wonder if that's when people switch religions though - maybe they were brought up Catholic, so they want to go back to a religion with their own kids to have that nice Catholic style community - but at that point they can't reconcile themselves with certain parts of the Catholic faith. So instead they move to a Protestant church so they get that community and environment for their kids without some of the issues.

Terrie it sounds like you have a *great* church that is addressing some of the issues with the "older churches" (or at least the churches I visited when I was younger). That is very encouraging!

I agree that some teens must leave to rebel - but I know a number of people who left the church and in all of my cases it was a very personal decision they made, not having anything to do with the parents. So undoubtedly there are a variety of reasons that people choose that step.

Terrie,

If I had been involved with such a system as a child, I know that I would not be ready to be baptized, because I had doubts without any hint of seeing the light, so to speak. It probably would have made me a less negative person. But that is just me.

I do have, and always have, had an issue with the seemingly obsessive behavior of forcefully inserting planting the seed of belief, or at least doubt, into a child's mind before the formative age of reason. It just seems like the ultimate money procreation tale -- get them young, and the church will continue to have funding for the rest of time. That is my observation.

I am doing my best to be civil about this -- I hope I am succeeding.

>I think people are willing to be fast and loose with their own lives but when a little child comes along they want to raise the child "properly" - and if THEY were brought up in a church environment they think that is the way to do it. It's like sending kids to school. You do it because it's what you do with children.

Hmm... should be interesting to see what my ds does as an adult. He was raised without church (though actually did participate in a church choir for a while at his choice in a Lutheran church) and had a mixed bag for schooling, including homeschool. His "early indoctrination" was atypical, I would say!

Hmm ... it should be interesting

Duane, I consider your response to be very civil. Here's what I think about this: It's totally impossible to raise a child--if you're at all involved in his life--without indoctrinating him about everything. My parents didn't attend church, and so they taught by that example that church isn't essential. Some of my family followed that pattern...I rebelled. I resented not going to church. My parents made us take care of every elderly single woman we knew, and so they indoctrinated us to the idea that service to senior citizens matters. When we went on picnics, we had to pick up all the trash, including that left by others, which indoctrinated us about ecology.

What is different about religion? It's a parent's job to teach a child what matters and what is true as we see it, whether it's environment, education, obeying the law, activism...or religion. It's what we do as parents. I see no difference in teaching a child religion than I do in teaching him to work at a food bank, as I did with my children. I'm showing them what I consider essential to a good life. It's what parents do. When the children grow up, they're then free to choose whether to accept or reject what they were taught, but it's hard to make choices without a foundation to begin with.

Whether you take a child to church or not, you are giving him a message about religion. So I considered it my responsibility to have my children live the life I considered important, and then as adults, give them a starting place for their own choices.

Just my opinion on the subject.

I agree with Terrie on this. If a pair of parents feels in their heart that the correct way to be a healthy person on Earth is to meditate every morning, then they should teach their child that practice. If they feel that biking is a great way to stay in shape, they should bring their child biking. So if a family feels that belonging to a church provides the moral pathway, the community involvement and the focus on prayer that creates a happy healthy life, it makes no sense to me for them to get a sitter and leave the child at home while the rest of the family goes to church.

Trouble is Lisa, it is not always good to do that. I was told I would be put into care if I did not go to church. It did not make me go cos I wanted God. In fact took me years before I could face God.

That sounds like an issue of an abusive parent more than a caring parent though. A parent should not ever be threatening you with abandonment no matter what they are trying to get you to do - be it eat broccoli or go to a given location on Sunday ...