BellaOnline Forums Beauty and Self Self Development Jealousy and me acting really ugly

Thankfully none of this has been out loud, but the attitude is still there...

I recently found out that a guy I graduated from HS with just got the position of HS principal at the school we graduated from - with his doctorate's no less.

Now this is a man I had never even thought would be interested in academics - he always took the vo-tech prep classes, and was voted as one of our "Knights of Technology" (We Knights of Technology, Academics, Arts, and Sports). DOn't get me wrong, he was not a dumb kid by any means - but he wasn't up there in the top 25% of our graduating class either, mostly because I don't think he had the interest to be. He was a very nice, if quiet guy; and had he not been just absolutely gorgeous, probably would have flown under everybody's radar, 'cause he kind of kept to himself.

Now, like I said, his grades were not always that great, so for him to go on and get his masters and doctorates - he put a major amount of work into doing this. And it is a great accomplishment, and honor for him to be chosen to some back and represent our alma mater.

So I should just be really proud, right?

Instead I am horribly jealous, and keep going "how come him and not me?" I mean I graduated 5th in class. I pulled the grades, I got the fantastic scholarships, I've got the brains - and I have literally nothing to show for my life. I substitute - sometimes. I have an Associate's Degree in a field that I can't even take advantage of, because I didn't take the national accreditation, because I (naively) thought I didn't need to spend the money, because I would always be with that husband in that state. I never even wanted to work in that field - it just made more sense at the time.

I should be proud of him, but instead feel "cheated" and am feeling sorry for myslef. How [censored] is that?

I don't think it's [censored] and it seems to me anyway you may be being a little hard on yourself. You're human. I think it's a devoted and sincere statment really , reflective of where your personal values will take you.

It's like you know you have the credentials and are talented, now it's just looking past the limitation of adhereing to them alone, if that makes sense.

I don't know many people who would be as honest about your feelings as you are here. Usually defense is coupled on top of it and seems to make things worse. To me, when we face our "personal worse" we are free in going on to even better possibilities! Maybe this experience alone was presented to you to allow you to take more chances?

Karen Elleise
Clairvoyance Editor

I think you're being hard on yourself too. I also think you're being a bit hard on him. Cut the poor guy some slack. You also can't compare what you have and what he has on equal terms. You live different lives. Just because he has what you think you don't doesn't mean his life is any better. The choice you've made in life have made you the person you are now. Just like your next choice will determine your path. You can decide to continue comparing yourself to someone who really doesn't mean anything in your life or you can look at your own life and decide what is good about it and if you need/want to make any changes to improve your current situation. Focus on the things in your life that make you happy. These feelings will pass, dissolve, whatever but you have to let them go first. To do that you need to stop tearing at yourself. Leave the past in the past and move on ( I know easier said than done but practice makes the chance possible). Don't worry about how you should feel that will just make you feel worse. You can't make yourself feel something you don't. Accept the feelings and move on. Good luck.

I agree that you are being too hard on yourself. Remember the grass is always greener...You don't seem the type to let anything stop you from getting what you want, so why not go back to school to work on a bachelor's and work your way up from there? I have felt the green eyed monster rear it's ugly head many times over different issues, and I always go back to the fact that I need to put some grattitude in my attitude, and if I don't like the way things are going for me, I should change them. Michele you should be proud of the life you are living, as long as you are happy with it!

Have a great weekend!

I am sorry this happened to you. But think of it as a challenge. It may not have been given for you for a reason. You must learn to accept that there are certain facts of life that don't go our way. Not because we are incapable but there's a reason behind it all. You have your own unique qualities so surely, your time will come for promotion or improvement.

Harmony, you are such a warm, intelligent, and interesting person, i find it difficult to believe you have "nothing to show for your life." I think sometimes it's very difficult for us to see what we have done with our talents and labor and what we have achieved. It's easier to take things for granted when it's "just me."

This man did not walk in your shoes... he did not have the same challenges as you, and choices presented themselves differently in your life and his. Is it fair to compare? You each made the best choices you could. He did not have to solve some of the problems you have solved in your life. He did not help the people you have helped and touched. Can you think on some of the things you have done that you are glad you have done? They may not have come with a fancy diploma or a particular paycheck, but that doesn't mean they aren't worth celebrating! Who knows... you might have saved a life just by talking to someone one day. Don't forget these accomplishments of yours or that you have become a truly nice person.

If you want academic recognition, well... you can still get it. You may not even have to spend a lot of time or money. There are a couple of accredited state schools that give credit by portfolio and by examination, cutting graduation time and cost down dramatically. They even have them for Masters degrees. One of them is Thomas Edison College in New Jersey, another is Regents in N.Y... both of them have distance degrees. It may be that you don't really want the degrees so much, that you've found other things to pursue... but if you want it, go for it!

I think that we all have times were we feel jealous of someone at some point in life. This is something that I am personally trying to work on, being happy for those who have accomplished things, especially things that I want so bad for myself. i think that we all need to lighten up on ourselves a little, A lot of us have such high standards for ourselves and give us very little breaks. We also need to remember that everyone is differnt and is at a different point, and if you believe in God, that there is a plan for us. I can no longer have children, I've always wanted a big family and I only have two girls, so it hurts bad when others around me are getting pregnant and having babies. I am focusing more on what I do have, like my two girls, and am having much better days, I am only blue every once in a while instead of most days. But that ugly monster of jealousy does rear its head so much and I end up feeling awful being jealous of everyone's joyous experiences! But, I'm learning to deal with it all.