BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Rant rant rant...

I'm actually surprised at how young couples spend most of their time away from their kids TALKING about their kids. Don't they need at least somewhat of a break?

Maybe those couples have no other shared interests other than the kids?

WIth the amount of couples who get together because of a kid or pregnancy or have children in the first year of marriage I would say that alot of couples have no other interest than their kids. My DH hears his coworkers talk and this definitely seems to be the case. In SIL and BIL are like this. They lead completely separate lives except for when they are with the kid.

What a glue that binds....

And as soon as the kids are gone, the marriage is over. More like a ball and chain!

It begs the question that if the only thing they have in common is the kids, what did they have in common before they had kids? I mean my husband and I have some totally different interests, but we do have some things in common. If all they have is the kids, what was there before that?

Excellent point Runnergirl

Err... he is the sperm donor and she is the sperm recipient?

Often couples have lots in common before they have kids but, start to lead separate lives after the kids arrive...
I work with lots of married men with kids and many of them complain/comment about their wives focusing on the kids and forgetting about the "couple" and other interests/hobbies - it seems to be a bigger problem with long term SAHM's...
(not all SAHM's..some SAHM's)
The sad thing is that many of these women are excellent mothers and are totally dedicated to the role - they don't see their marriages are being neglected or falling apart...
One of my colleagues complains he has nothing to say to his wife ...their conversation is entirely about the kids...he says things like, "I married an accountant and ended up with a woman who watches daytime TV"...
Another of my colleagues has become increasingly unhappy in his marriage.
Last year he told me that he felt irrelevant in the marriage - "provide the money and shut up..."
I recently heard that he left his wife - she is distraught and afraid - she will get a reasonable settlement but will eventually have to find a job - her lifestyle will definitely change. I suppose this woman has been out of the workforce for 15 years.
I spoke to my colleague last night on the phone - he confided that he felt increasingly isolated in his marriage - disconnected from his wife and wasn't prepared to, "put one foot in front of the other for the next 30 years". He's living in an apartment close to work - there are no other women on the scene.
He says the thing that amazes him the most...his wife didn't see it coming...he said that their dysfunctional relationship had become "normal" to her...he says his wife is an excellent mother but that somewhere along the line she stopped being a wife...
His wife is distraught, angry, afraid, disappointed...full of emotion - he feels absolutely nothing - emotionally dead - he said that he released all of the emotion over the years as the "real" marriage was ending..."now it's just a matter of burying a marriage long dead"...

Wow Deborah, that is a sad sad story! Did this woman intend on becoming a SAHM, or did it just happen? I ask because in addition to hearing people tell that one day I'll 'just want kids' I also hear that even once you have them, even if you didn't intent to stay at home, you'll wind up wanting to stay home. So this guy might not have wanted the SAH wife, but maybe having kids changed her personality so completely that she wasn't who he married anymore??

I think that for couples that don't have anything in common anymore except for kids, when the kids leave, the next thing on that couples' future is grandkids, hence some of the pressure on some of us to provide them.