BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Rant rant rant...

Ug! I went out last night with some friends and had two annoying moments...first, I had to listen to this couple go on and on about how crazy it is in their house with three young kids. Nothing this couple said about having kids was good...they haven't slept a full night through in years, their home is choatic and their life is nothing like it was, yet the conversation had that tone of 'Just wait...your turn will come to be sharing these war stories...' I honestly think they think that these stories that they tell will get non-parents thinking "Oh...I can't wait." Like it's all some sort of desirable right-of-passage. I just don't get it!

Then I was speaking to my friend about my career, and he was suggesting that I go for a job that involves more travel, and he said "Yeah now's a good time for you to take a job that has travel...you know...before you can't travel anymore."

What?! How depressing! Was he talking about something happening to me...some sort of illness or financial crisis that would ground me? No...he clearly meant that I would not be able to travel anymore because I'll eventually have kids (this guy does not know about my CF stance).

Is it so implicit that kids will be part of my plan? I don't want to not be able to travel anymore! I don't want to have my career opportunities cut in half! And I'm 30! So does that mean that I only have 4 or 5 more years of 'being able to travel' before I have to give it all up? That's so depressing!! It's like a cancer diagnosis to me...You only have 4 more years to live.

Yes, it IS implicit because the greater majority of the population of the world actually wants children. And because they want children and see them as desirable, they think that everyone thinks the same way they do. It's just human nature to believe that your way of thinking is the normal way of thinking....so because they want/have kids, then it just naturally follows that you want kids and will have them in the future. Forgive them, they simply don't realize what they missed out on by choosing children over the CF lifestyle

I would disagree that the majority of people "want" kids." I think most people just follow the crowd, and do what everyone else does without questioning. People are so different when it comes to everything else, I don't know why everyone assumes kids are on the menu. I'm not even eating in that restaurant - I eat in restaurants where kids aren't allowed!!!

I wouldn't want to stop traveling either. And I think some people still enjoy parenting despite the crazy sleepless night. But I think some people hate it, too.

Sometimes I think people who talk this way are simply trying to impress you with how important and indispensable they are now that they have kids. With some parents it's "my life is so crazy and chaotic and I never get any sleep", but it's not like they're complaining, it's like they're bragging.

Wow, I never thought about it like that but I think you're right! It is like some weird kind of bragging...like their strength to deal with it makes them impressive. I guess when I hear that kind of thing I always pity the parents thinking that is what the appropriate response is...

I would have just said something right back to him like "What do you mean 'before I can't travel anymore'?" and then that would open up the dialogue about how you're not planning on having kids in the future.

I think the CF are entitled to discuss their POV when parents discuss theirs. If I personally don't give my stance to certain people, I feel like I'm keeping my feelings some sort of secret that doesn't need to be.

Sorry. People should not second guess. I know what you mean about people sounding out the 'Just Wait' I don't think people think how it sounds sometimes.
As long as YOU are happy, it does not matter what anyone else thinks.

Yeah, I gotta say, a lot of people don't really make a good case for having babies. When they talk about all the horrors of parenthood they always end with "but it's SO worth it". Like that'll make me change my mind.

I know what you mean! LOL! yes I am so sorry, I am guilty of doing that!
I think that people need to respect someone else's choice and let them be free to make thier own desicion.
I guess it is easy to try to 'talk' people in to it but that is wrong. Actually, having children is a private personal choice and is only the decision of the person themselves.

Most people have children out of a vague sense of "that sounds neat..." rather than a full blown desire to live a child-centered lifestyle. It baffles me that most people give less thought to this life altering decision than what type of job they want, where they will live, etc. It's the most signifigant decision there is in life!!!!