I went to a family funeral today - my Dad's cousin and someone significant when I was growing up in our wonderful extended family holidays on our piece of land by the sea (at Piha, Pikasam).
I'm so sorry for your loss.
I hope your nice memories comfort you.
Later we were talking about a time a couple of years back when I bumped into them and their kids by chance in another city. She had run up to me and said "oh my God - hi!!!" and we had made an overt display of hugging, being amazed etc. She told me today how her three kids afterwards had said "Who was that lady Mummy, you acted so weird, it was embarassing!'. Then she said to me "They are right, I did act weird, but it was exciting to see you and maybe one day when they grow up and it happens to them, they will understand".
Why would it be embarassing that their mother was excited to meet someone she knew in an unexpected place? It seems to me that she should have told her children it is not weird to be excited to see a friend, it it NORMAL.
It occurred to me that she is living her life through her kids and their opinions/achievements in a way that I couldn't even imagine. It is like some parents just stop achieving things for themselves and put all the focus on their kids.
That's a huge reason why I don't want a kid. I know me. I know I'd completely lose myself in raising the child. And I don't want to live like that.
This was the first time, by the way, that I went to such a big family event NOT feeling inadequate beause I didn't have kids. I felt confident and secure... I was proud to update my extended family about my work in the arts. Not one person bingoed me. My assurance may be coming through??
Good for you. This is no small thing. Sounds to me like your self assurance is coming through loud and clear. WTG!
