BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Caught in babysitter meltdown situation

I had a frustrating experience this weekend and need to vent.

Was invited to a party for a colleague/client, who has had a major influence on my career. At the party there would be many other people who it's good for me to talk with and networking opportunities.

Ended up carpooling with a friend/colleague/neighbor who was also invited, who happens to be a mom. She drove because I drove us somewhere else recently, so she offered.

She asked if it was okay if we left early, because was having trouble getting childcare. I was fine with that, but then we ended up getting to the party an hour late. That would have been no big deal, but I would have preferred to get there a little sooner. Less than 30 min. after we arrived, it was time for toasts. In the midst of the 3rd toast, the phone rang. It was her babysitter, her son was not feeling well and melting down with the babysitter, and we had to leave.

Luckily the toasts ended shortly after that, so I had the chance to have short conversations with a few people, but we had to leave pretty abruptly.

I just wished she had said, my son's sick, and we don't have a good babysitter, maybe I should drive separately. But no, I got roped into being stuck with the mom schedule. We spent more time in the car driving there and back then we did at the party! Why bother? It was so frustrating, and made me so grateful for my freedom and independence.

I guess my frustration is partially in that I don't go out to that many parties, and this one I was really looking forward to and there were a lot of people I was excited to see. On top of that, my husband wasn't coming, so that is unusual, and kind of fun for me to get out with a girlfriend. But it wasn't after all. Sigh.

That is why I do not like to accept other people's offers of rides to such events. The flip side of such an offer is when the driver leaves, you have to leave as well. Whether that means that you are forced to leave early when you want to stay late, or you want to leave early but you are forced to stay, it grinds at the relationship. Sometimes it is worth the extra gas cost to go by yourself.

I hate being held hostage by other people's schedules and refuse to do it anymore. I've been delayed when I am the driver! If someone is unreliable and/or tardy as a rule, I will go separately. It's just not worth the aggravation.

If the mood realy strikes me and I feel like a few drinks and I'm not with DH, I'll call a cab. (We usually take turns!)

She should have never offered to give you a ride this time knowing the situation! If she felt obligated to give you a ride, she should have explained that she'd like to this time, but that her kid was sick and she might have to leave early and (unless you didn't care) she'd do it next time. How rude!

I hope you'll have a chance to meet some of those people again in the future. Grrr...

ETA:
Oh! And put me down for one who wants to drive alone. My car runs great, gets good mileage and I often run late. I don't want to be responsible for making someone (other than myself) late. And I want to be able to leave when I want to. I'm shy. If I get a weird vibe, I want to be able to go.

I also don't like to ride with other people. Doing so basically renders me powerless in my own needs and effors to leave when *I'm* ready to go. Instead I have to wait until they are ready to go or when they have to leave. My car runs great. Have car/will drive/need directions/see you there.

Sorry. That is grim. It would make me see red too.

Why such things make me feel irritated is that as being CF, used to going on a whim, setting our own schedules, this 'being on other people's schedules and whims' are a subtle reminder (ok, sometimes not so subtle) that they remind us of being treated like children (being under someone else's control at a whim) or us having the responsibilities of being parents (ie under the control/needs of someone else's uncontrollable last minute desires).

If there is one things that, as a rule, I like about being CF is that we make our own schedules (for the most part) when it comes to social engagements. People who are parents are used to such annoyances, thusly they don't see how annoyed we feel at being treated to such tastes of their way of life.

That is how I see it.

Thanks for all your responses! I didn't realize this was something that other people would really agree with, considering the pressure to carpool when possible. I just can't force myself to like carpooling, and in the future will just accept that, in general, it is not worth the reduced carbon footprint. Good idea. With no kids, I'm already doing way better than most people in that regard anyway.

Also, I can be shy too Cherry Red, and it's nice to know others have that problem too. One of my most hideous memories of a situation like that was giving a 7-hr ride to a guy, for safety because my parents worried about me driving alone that far. The guy was a friend of a friend. I tried initiating conversation but was met with 1-word responses to everything, so I gave up. We were completely silent after that, except that he hated all my music, and would only listen to the same Beastie Boys tape he brought over and over. From that day on, listening to BB makes me physically ill.

Let me drive alone! I'll take the risk thanks!!

And it's so true if something goes awry, I need to be able to leave (or stay longer) if needed.

Line drawn!

Carpooling for work purposes is one thing -- that is a more strictly defined set of parameters (start time, leaving time, etc). Carpooling for something as variable as social events is another issue entirely, IMO.

Grrrrr on your behalf Frieda. I hate this sort of scenario - usually I'm really mad at myself because I know I should have listened to my gut instinct. As I get older I get more unable to be held hostage to other people's schedules. We went to dinner at some friends' house the other night. They live about 40 mins out of the city, not that far, but they were pressuring us to stay the night in their guest room (Friday night). I couldn't bear the idea, mainly because I am so busy and the thought of then being trapped there for half of Saturday was too much!!! That party thing would have really made me frustrated.