BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Different in other ways?

ha ha...you guys are funny with the thread hijacking

I suppose I am somewhat different than the average person too. I am not all that outgoing socially now days. I have several close friends from college and work with whom I enjoy spending time. I enjoy hobbies that get me out of the house, but alot of them are "alone" hobbies, such as reading, writing, jogging, and spending time at the pool or on the beach (relaxing with a good book). I do enjoy entertaining the few close friends I have and usually try to do a game night (for monopoly, cards, etc) every few months as well as a holiday get together. Plus, we are always going to dinner and having a few laughs. But when it comes to going somewhere to mingle and meet new people, I am very shy.

I also did not live at college. I commuted. I did NOT do roommates either. Since the day I left for college, I have always lived alone...except when I married. I just like it better that way. If you want to play your music loud, you can. If you are a neat freak (like myself) you don't have to be annoyed when someone else doesn't put away their coat or shoes.

My friends have always tended to be older than me. However, now that I am in "mommy" age, I also have a few younger ones (younger women aren't focused on children yet). And really most of my friends are men.

As for high school friends - never speak to them anymore other than one very good friend I still keep in touch with. Other than him, I could care less. I've never smoked or done drugs or been much of a drinker and partier either. I was actually one of the popular ones in high school, but I did not go to the cool parties and I graduated as valedictorian. And unlike alot of the populars, I have a great career and love philosophical conversations. Basically, I never worried about what others thought. I was who I was and did what I wanted (still do). I was always myself around others and never tried to impress or be "cool." In my opinion, others could like me or not like me. I was fine either way. Turns out most liked me.

I too bought my first home in my 20s and it was a large, very nice one at that. It had all the bells and whistles. While others my age looked at me with disbelief and confusion as to how I managed that or why I wanted that so early...I planned and made it possible.

Finally, I went to a college where I knew no one and then upon graduating, I moved to a state where I knew no one. So, I am really very independent.

We're very social. I always have been and I love to entertain. However, I've never been into the party/bar scene. In fact I didn't have my first drink until the age of 32 and I'm still a lightweight.

I'm not into spectator sports, but DH enjoys college football

Our house is the gathering place for most of our friends for multiple reasons: A) the layout of the house is great for entertaining - that's why we bought it. B)Since we don't have kids its usually clean and therefore easy to entertain at - if someone has a bedtime they just leave when they need to. C) We enjoy having people over. D)It's a refuge if they want to get away from their kids. E)Most, but not all of the time, well behaved children are welcome. And it's made very clear what the expectations are. We let people know when kids are ok and when it's an Adults Only event (like halloween).

Tress... my husband and I met in a Live Action Role Playing group. Most of our long term friends we met in the same club. We still tabletop game with a group that's about half CF and half with kids. Hasn't been a problem for the core group of us. We're playing our current Pirates campaign on Sunday.

Earlier in my life I think I felt like more of an outcast than I do now. A lot of that is the confidence that comes with age and experience. DH and I mainstream pretty well for being geeks - (but maybe that's because we're cool geeks). I don't think that you would know we were gamers unless we said something. Eventually it comes out because we're not ashamed of it, plus it seems to be more socially acceptable than it was 15 or 20 years ago.

Also, as we've been involved with more mainstream hobbies (karate, scuba, car clubs) and exposed to people through my career I find that every group thinks they're different from the rest of the world. However, but they have more in common that they would imagine, the same positives, issues, hangups and disfunctions as every other group. My husband's sports car club deals with the same issues as my karate club and the gaming club.

If anything, I think that people with hobbies/interests tend to use their time more constructively than people who don't, yet are frequently are considered more mainstream. Case in point, when I was at the height of my gaming years, I caught a lot of [censored] for the strange stuff I did on the weekends. Yet when I asked my co-workers what they did they described a weekend where they got drunk on Friday and stayed drunk until sometime on Sunday. This was considered the "norm." I argued that at least I got out into the mountains and ran around with friends all weekend in the fresh air (and so what if I happened to save the world in the process). Yet I was the freak because I didn't blackout at some point during the weekend. Very odd. You tell me who's more disfunctional.

Ah... larping. Never had the pleasure, myself. I've heard it's tons of fun, though.

This is my first time posting on this forum, so hello everyone!

Wow, reading your post, Cherry Red, made me feel like I was reading about my own situation! My husband and I are totally in the same boat. I don't know, maybe its the combination of things (we're in our 30s, most of our friends are having kids, we don't drink, I'm working during the day and putting myself through school at night), but we definitely feel more socially isolated these days.

I was really surprised at how isolating my decision to not have children would be. I always just assumed that people would respect my decision, and still include me in their lives. But so far, that hasn't been the case, unfortunately.

But, anyway, on to the stuff I'm into...

I collect vinyl and DJ when I can, I love sewing and vintage clothes, and I'm working on getting my degree in Computer Science. I love reading about history, science and weather. I'm probably happiest when its raining outside and I'm indoors working on a creative project.

Welcome oomingmak!

I'm a newbie too. This has been a very nice place to visit the last couple of weeks. I hope you like it here too.

Its very true what you said about people not respecting your decision to be CF. I can't imagine questioning someone about a similar life decision and I don't know why complete strangers (let alone friends and family) feel free to do so to us.

Since I've always been different from my peers (only child, parents divorced when I was 4 at a time no one was divorced, was chubby kid, an A student, into punk music in Jr HS/HS, etc.) this is just one more way for me not to fit in...which is where this thread stemmed from.

You sound like a well-rounded and interesting person to me. I'd be glad if you lived nearby!

Welcome again.

Welcome Oomingmak!

We have and had a lot of fun. We went to the Sandals in Jamica. Though we were in our 20's when we went and there were a lot of honeymooners. The service was excellent and it was nice to be able to enjoy the facilities without kids running around.

This whole quote could have been written by me! I used to hate to tell people that I was a controller or an accountant because of the implications. I am so NOT your typical accountant!

My friends and I were actors in a murder mystery troupe that went out and did shows all over the place. It was a lot of fun.

We're still friends with our entire group from college. That's where DH & I met. We also had a non-denominational wedding, done by a JP, on a boat.

I'm a pretty social person but as time as progressed my DH would be happy to be a hermit. He keeps wanting to purchase land backing onto green space and water. Problem is we're too lazy for the upkeep. If we could hire a groundskeeper, I'd be all for it.

We do entertain quite a bit but I find it's hard to find another couple to just go out for dinner and the movies with. The bar scene doesn't interest me much anymore and it's hard to keep a full social calendar which is what I would prefer. If there was a NK chapter in our area, I would join!

Wow! I'm not alone in the world, seriously! In high school I never went to a single game (i did do proms though..what a blast!) Never was a party girl, I was too focused on my dance training), I never did and still don't like big crowds, I don't like sports, gambling, disneyworld, and am a political lefty as well. i would rather, spend time out in nature, read, learn something new, or do yoga /meditate. sometimes this has made me feel lonely. My friends like to go gambling etc. and I always opt out. We're still close friends, but I always think how nice it'd be to have friends that share my interests! I think the trend here shows that many of us do not see the value in doing what is regarded as "the norm" unless we truly enjoy these things. I would say this fits well with the decision not to have kids.

Thing is though, i think everyone is different. One thing we have in common is bieng is childfree by choice. My husband and I have fairly off the wall jobs, neither of us work in an office for example. We are both a mix of social and non-social, we dont really do pubs/clubs etc but have a great group of friends. I dont have very many friends my own age and neither does my husband. our friends tend to be older, some childfree others with maily grown children... and a few of the ones with children said to us 'dont have children' :)