BellaOnline Forums Relationships Marriage Won't get a real job

I've known my husband for almost nine years,married for a year with a six month old son.I'm 23,hes 28.Our biggest problem is our finances.He seriously will not go out and get a real job.Hes been doing this same old side hustle for years.I call it a hustle because thats what it is.He used to have a good job but had to leave it for personal reasons.Since then he hasn't bothered finding stable employment.We've both had jobs,but its been jobs that I got for us.Hes never gone out and gotten a job all by himself.I'm doing everything I can to find work but I'm afraid that once I get a job then he won't bother getting one and he'll figure that I can pay the bills while he does his hustle.(Its nothing illegal but it doesn't pay enough and its slave work) The hustle is landscaping for this other lazy man that mooches off his wife.My husband only gets paid for the actual work,no riding time or anything.For one of the accounts he does he gets paid $4 because its $8 an hour,but only takes half an hour.What kind of [censored] is that? Why would a man that had a wife and child to provide for be so lazy and not get a real job.I don't know what else to do.I'm tired and pleading with him to get out of bed to look for work or call these companies that he has applications with already.He doesn't even do the applications,I do.I just want to send him back to his mother and tell her to finish raising him because hes being a child and I can only take care of my baby,not hers.

That is a lot of trouble in a marriage.

Someone, the man or the woman, has to work full-time or have a lucrative business in order to support a family. Since you just had the baby, it is not advisable for you to be the one who has to find a job.

You must tell him straight out that you are giving him two months, exactly, and no longer, to get a decent paying job. If he doesn't, you will leave him. Be firm and stick to this promise otherwise he will never listen to you again. He needs to see that you mean business.

I've already told him once before that he had to get a job within a month and that was about two weeks ago.You'd think that he would be out looking but I guess he doesn't think that I'll leave.I've even called his mother and asked her talk to him about it.She talked and he didn't listen.

Hes great with computers but has no degree and he'll talk about going back to school but thats all talk.I guess he thinks someone is going to give him a agree like he thinks they're going to call him for that job he didn't apply for.

I really don't mind going back to work but I'd rather him go back before me because I know how his mind works.I'd like for both of us to work full-time,I'd settle for him doing part-time as long as he was working to help out.

I'm really close to his family and I know they've all given him advice and tried to help him get a job.Alot of these people have connections and could easily get him into the door but he doesn't bother.I don't like laziness and its either he change or I'll walk out of the door with my son and force him to get work if he wants us back.The love is there but if he can't step up and take care of our son,nevermind me then I can do better by myself.

I do plan on talking to him tonight or talking to the air because he'll give me the silent treatment when I've hit that little button.He calls it nagging,I call it asking him to get off his butt and take care of us like he should.

I'm so frustrated with him.I know that if I leave then I'll go stay with his cousin until I get on my feet.I just hate to have to hear everyone talking about my marriage failing because my husband is too lazy to work.I really don't like that but I'd rather hear them saying hes lazy than hear them saying that I'm stupid for staying with someone that would rather lay in bed or play computer games rather than provide for his family.

Unfortunately you quickly find that nagging pretty much never works. People have to do things because they want to. If a person actively doesn't want to do something, and it's important to you, then you need to find a person who shares that value innately.

If he likes landscaping that's fine, but there are certainly jobs out there that pay more steadily than what he seems to be getting. If he is simply not willing to bring in the money needed to keep the family sheltered and fed, that is something to resolve now.

If you really want to give this one more try I highly recommend finding a family therapist and going together so he can hear it from a third party. But barring that I'm afraid it sounds like this was just not really meant to be.

I agree with Lisa. I also wanted to say that could it be possible he is suffering from depression? I've had it most of my life and I know before I finally got treatment and the right meds I had a real hard time getting out of bed in the morning, and trouble with motivation and concentration. I just had no energy, nothing. It was a miserable existence. You might want to have your DH speak to his doctor. It may be possible that he's got severe self-esteem/confidence issues. Maybe he sticks with the landscaping thing because he doesn't think he can do any better? Just things to think about. I agree with Lisa that counseling is in order either way.

Anyway, I hope things work out for you and congrats on the little one! :-)