BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids I'm done apologizing

No kidding, Myra! She's just a generally unhappy person and is always self-pitying. Everyone is better off than her, etc.

And I have no idea what she does with her money - ironically, my mom makes about the same as she does and manages to eek out some quality of life - complete with groceries (and even take a vaca. now and then).

Oh melly, I hear you! Why do WE have to pay for someone else's regrets?? That's what hit me this morning - these are MY life choices (what I spend/save, where I go on vacation, where I live, etc). If she's not happy with her life, SHE needs to do something about it.

Hang in there with the inlaws. Hopefully they will tire of her antics.

BTW, assume you DID have a kid. What bearing does that have on her friend who CAN'T have kids? That's the part of that argument (that I've also received) that I've never understood. Frankly, it doesn't matter if I (or you) do or don't, because the Friend is still going to NOT have one. Unless she expects you to donate eggs or be a surrogate for her friend?

oh girl you need to rethink this! It is your money YOUR LIFE and YOUR CHOICE to go and it is YOUR RIGHT to go! If she doesnt make enough money then she can ask for a raise or get another job that pays more. I agree that you should not rub it in her face that you can take better trips and more often or anything like that but you should not feel guilty or down play it just to make others feel better!

Couldn't of said it better!!! Enjoy your life!!

Wow, I can't afford trips like that but I sure wouldn't make someone else feel guilty because of it. I'd want to know more about the trip and what they saw, and if you had pictures etc. What's the saying about living vicariously through others. Don't feel guilty. Enjoy the memories!

Melly,

NO! Do not accept feeling bad for someone else's choices. She's laying a guilt trip on you and, when you feel bad, you are accepting it and playing into her drama. This is her way of getting under your skin and attempting to control you and your choices. When you accept the guilt trip, you are enabling her and she will just keep right on doing it. You are not responsible for any one else's choices in life except your own.

My way of coping with people who try to guilt me into something is to listen to what they say, then look them right in the eye and say "I'm sorry, I don't do guilt any more" and then change the subject to something like the weather.

Did you notice that you titled this thread "I'm done apologizing", and the first thing you do is apologize? You just might need to toughen up a bit and get a good dose of selfishness. All things in moderation as they say, and being concerned about your happiness over others when you've done NOTHING wrong is a fine thing to be selfish about.

I noticed the same thing - LOL. This is a tough situation to be in because you are a sensitive person who cares enough not to hurt people's feelings. I don't know that there's much you can do differently, since you are not flinging your vacations in her face. I know it doesn't help much but it really is her problem to deal with and not yours. I suppose you could always walk in with your arm in a sling and then ditch it as soon as you are past her desk.

Good grief, some people are jealous of everything. I've been in that situation, not having the money to do the things I wanted, but took great enjoyment when my friends related their success.

Ignore those types who act that way. Some people need to be miserable and drag others into their misery.

I've always talked about my life as I wanted/needed around others. I never try to "rub it in" someones face that I did something fun and exciting while I know that they can't afford it. But, I also never refrain from talking about my exciting adventure around that person if it comes around in conversation. If that person has a problem with what I have done with my life, they are entitled to their opinions. That's my take.